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'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham shows off her bikini body in Fort Lauderdale wearing a skimpy Betty Bangs bikini

In honor of hump day – pun sooo intended – I'm bringing you this very special interview with Farrah Abraham. #WootWoot It truly highlights all the things we love about Farrah, including her nonsensical rambling, lack of self-awareness, and special brand of English.

The former Teen Mom star goes into the interview planning to promote Vivid Entertainment's new strip club, and she gets pissy when things go awry. No warm up here, folks!  The interviewer jumps right in,  asking Farrah how she plans to spend her porn money

Farrah's number one goal?  "Being smart."  Well, this interview is shot to hell already, huh? Oh, but there's so much more, like the fact that she still wants us to believe that James Deen was her boyfriend and the whole feminist-lesbian thing that trips her up.

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Teen Mom is back, y'all, and it's just as depressing as ever. 

Last week on Teen Mom 3 – aka Teen Baby Daddy DramaMackenzie Douthit failed to notice Josh McKee's obvious lack of interest, and Alex Sekella screamed at Matt McCann incessantly.

Also, Katie Yeager accepted Joey Maes's marriage proposal, and Briana DeJesus took legal action against Devoin Austin for cyber bullying.

Oh, and if you turned your TV at just the right angle and closed one eye, you saw the Teen Moms caring for their precious babies almost as passionately as they begged their boyfriends to love them. This week: rinse and repeat. 

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Farrah Abraham At Crazy Horse III

Apparently, just before Teen Mom  Farrah Abraham  became  Backdoor Farrah Superstar, the delusional reality TV star auditioned for Days of our Lives. For the part of a hooker named Destiny. I could not make this stuff up! 

RadarLiesOnline jumped at the opportunity to  "confirm"  Farrah  "signed on" with Days of our Lives. Their questionable source reported, "Farrah initially wanted one of the lead roles, but clearly she's not a seasoned actress, so she auditioned for the role of a hooker named Destiny." 

"Some of the cast and crew is peeved that she's even on the show," continued the source. "They don't think a popular daytime show that's been on the air for 50 years need to use a ridiculous ploy like Farrah's name to get viewers." 

Despite Radar's confirmation, fans of the daytime soap can let out a huge sigh of relief, as a rep for NBC has come forward to debunk the rumor. Farrah has not been cast as herself a hooker on Days of our Lives. But, just for fun, check out Farrah's audition tapes below! 

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Despite the nightmare that is Farrah Abraham and the liability that is Jenelle Evans, MTV debuted a new Teen Mom series Monday night. Gah, glutton for punishment, much?!?

Teen Mom 3 follows Alex Sekella and Matt McCann, Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee, Briana DeJesus and Devoin Austin, and Katie Yeager and Joey Maes. As always, the moms received the more favorable edit, where as the dads came across as a waste of subtitles.

Two dads, Matt and Devoin, have done nothing but bitch (via Twitter!) about MTV's unfair edit (blah, blah, blah) since Teen Mom 3 aired. If I had a dollar for every time a reality TV star cried bogus edit, well, I would be a lot less poor.

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The reality TV viewer numbers for Monday night are in! 

Real Housewives of Orange County went out with a bang. 2.309 million fans tuned in to watch the third and final part of the season eight reunion. Alexis, Tamra, Vicki, Gretchen, Heather, and Lydia's season average was 1.92 million.

Last week, Basketball Wives premiered to 2.399 million, but only 1.971 million came back for more mean girls buffoonery this week. Aww. That's a shame.

Real Housewives of Miami held steady at 1.3 million. Meanwhile, Bravo's surprise (to me) hit Below Deck attracted its largest audience yet, with 1.75 million viewers. That's up 200,000 from last week's 1.55 million.

Finally, 1.810 million viewers checked out the series premiere of Teen Mom 3, but only 1.554 million stuck around for the second episode. I'm not surprised roughly 250,000 viewers checked out. Two hours of any new series is overkill.

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During the first hour of the Teen Mom 3 premiere, Briana DeJesus took legal action against  Devoin Austin,  Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee struggled with mature communication,  Katie Yeager and Joey Maes argued non-stop, and Matt McCann's return from rehab stressed out Alex Sekella.

Believe it or not hour number two ends with one of these awe-inspiring couples becoming engaged to be married. All together now – seriously?!?

Mackenzie talks to a friend about her relationship woes. She briefly wonders if Josh resents her for pursuing cheer after she demanded he quit rodeo he put bull riding on hold. Crazy talk! Mackenzie comes to the conclusion that she and Josh fight too much because they don't spend enough time together. She plans to ask him to move in with her.

Cayla wisely questions Mackenzie's thought process. She reasons, "I know moving in is risky, but it's got to be better than living apart."

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MTV's Teen Mom series lives on with a new group of young moms.  Teen Mom 3  follows the lives of  Briana DeJesus, Katie Yeager, Mackenzie Douthit, and Alex Sekella as they tackle their first year of motherhood. 

The very long and emotional premiere begins with Briana. As you'll recall from 16 and Pregnant, Briana and her sister became pregnant at the same time. Brittany opted to have an abortion; Briana chose motherhood. Sadly, Devoin Austin checked out long before his daughter was born, causing Briana to keep his name off of Nova's birth certificate. 

Now Briana leans on Brittany and Mom for help with Nova.  Over lunch, the girls school Mom on what happens in relationships (Hint: not innocent walks on the beach. Evidence: see Nova.), and Mom sternly tells them NO MORE BOYS!

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'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham enjoys a day on the beach wearing a Kiss inspired, Betty Bangs Bikini while in Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Last week, Farrah Abraham tweeted the link to her Amazon wish list, thanking her sugar daddies fans in advance for buying her gifts. Did you buy Farrah an "entriguing" chandelier? Or perhaps a new "dinning room" table and chairs for the former Teen Mom star… #confessiontime

Farrah told Radar that all the items on her list – all $13,000 worth – have been purchased. (Side note: I have since learned that wish lists are super popular among porn stars and escorts. Who knew?!?) In true Farrah fashion, she went on to justify the list, making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

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