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Teen Mom

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Sex tapes… drug busts… what would MTV's resident therapist say? 

Well, when that "therapist" is Dr. Drew Pinsky, not a whole lot. Dr. Drew's reaction to the deplorable choices made by Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans as of late comes across as less "Woah! Let's get these girls some help!" and more "Woe is me! Nobody listens to me!" 

“If she would have called me for advice, I would have told her not to do this," Dr. Drew said about Farrah's sex tape. “But she is not my patient, she is not my kid."

News Flash, Dr. Drew: Advice is for imperfect people, Farrah is faultless

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Hey y'all…want to know a quick and easy way to pay for culinary school and get your Master's degree?  If you answered "apply for scholarships and student loans" you'd be sorely mistaken.  Take a lesson from Farrah Abraham and achieve these goals by shopping around a manufactured home movie of the adult variety.  Ah, youth.

That's right!  The former Teen Mom wants to make all of her educational dreams come true, and she's now going to be able to make those dreams a reality thanks to a little film called Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.  Take that, Sallie Mae!  Farrah doesn't need your federal funds to reach her collegiate aspirations.

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It's a great week for Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham, and it's only Tuesday!  She lives such a charmed life, doesn't she?  In light of her recent DUI woes and adult film aspirations, you'd think life would be hard for the former reality star.  However, Farrah always seems to come out on top…I mean, I haven't seen the video (and I can assure you I never will), but I'm guessing that she does.  Too much?

Not only did the twenty-one-year-old ink a deal to start selling that bad boy of a sex tape, she's also ready to go with her DUI case.  Guess what, y'all?  She's NOT GUILTY!

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Well it was only a matter of time until Farrah Abraham's "private sex tape" (made purely for posterity of her posterior, of course) got sold to the highest bidder!

Farrah's XXX famous co-star James Deen leaked that the Teen Mom star had made the tape on purpose and asked him to be her co-star with the hopes of pretending it just got "out". Farrah denied all this, insisted we're all idiots on Dr. Phil, and then conceded she would release it for $2 million dollars.

Last week Farrah was spotted hauling her father and her 3-year-old daughter Sophia to the Vivid Entertainment offices (I hope she waxed her eyebrows first!) and today TMZ reveals that Farrah has indeed sold her tape!

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Hey Jenelle Evans, if you scream it loud enough, someone may believe you!  The Teen Mom 2 star is trying to convince anyone who will listen that she is clueless (at least she's not lying about that part!) about how heroin got into her house.

You may recall that the reality star was arrested on Tuesday for possession of heroin and Percocet…oh, and assault.  I've come to the conclusion that the authorities in North Carolina have a box labeled "and assault" that they are trained to check whenever a Jenelle arrest occurs.  I swear, this chick could be collared for jay walking and an assault would be involved…as she'd probably threaten to push other pedestrians into oncoming traffic.  Geez.

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Earlier this month, MTV ceased production and canceled BUCKWILD following Shain Gandee's sudden death. Despite the show's decent ratings, MTV concluded, "Given Shain's tragic passing and essential presence on the show, we felt it was not appropriate to continue without him." 

BUCKWILD producer J.P. Williams did not take kindly to the news, bashing the network for its teen pregnancy shows, and vowed to acquire the rights to continue the show with another network. According to Williams, his negotiations with MTV came to an abrupt end on Friday, and he did not win. Williams went on to accuse MTV of hypocrisy. 

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Newsflash of the day – Farrah Abraham is not to blame for anything. Ever.

After her continued attempts at remaining in the spotlight (DUI, sex tape), this time by appearing on Dr. Phil, Farrah is crying foul (again).  She Tweeted out to tell us haters what fools we are to believe anything that comes out of her mouth, because of course she got paid for the appearance. So it was all lies, duh!

Farrah Tweeted (and immediately deleted):

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Do you hear it? Wait. For. It. Ah, there it is, Farrah Abraham's desperate cry for fame. So sad.

We can only hope that this former Teen Mom star is on the fast track to stardom perusing the classified ads. But, before she succumbs to the horrors of this foreign thing called JOB, Farrah sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss her latest desperate attempts to be relevant again. 

Farrah shares why she chose to appear on 16 and Pregnant, saying, "My ultimate goal, at that time, was to show a struggle, and no matter what, any teen who is pregnant can get through it." Of course, 16 and Pregnant led to Teen Mom, and Farrah goes on to say that being a reality TV star helped her to "step up as a business woman."

Step up, indeed! While Farrah has dabbled in many ventures since Teen Mom, she recently took her first stab at filmmaking. A film of the naughty variety. Details, smetails, Farrah loves to tell tall tales. 

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