Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New Jersey headed to Florida, where things were all scary murky foreshadowing and things that go bump in the night – before next week when the ghosts jump out and attack!
Melissa Gorga is euphoric because she left her four children at home in the care of eldest Joe Gorga, who resents babysitting and is just letting the younger kids smack each other and eat junk food while he threatens to break the internet like it was Juicy’s face (we all saw how successful he was at that last season!). Meanwhile mama is getting sauced up under the Florida sun and flaunting what the good doctor gave her. Of course Dina Manzo planned the trip to Boca, where everyone is 80 (or how old Dina acts) and the house looks like something out of “Miami Vice” according to Teresssssa Aprea. She’s used to that – Don Johnson is clearly Rino’s fashion inspiration.
“Man is made of such a seemly shape, that friend or foe is not discerned by face; then hard it is the wickeds’ wiles to scape, since that the bad to mask with honest grace.” – Geoffrey Whitney
Amber continued, “If Whitney could reach into my soul and pull out exactly what is there, he would have used these words. I don’t know who to trust – who is my friend, who is my enemy, what are everyone’s intentions? This is a truly awful feeling that, clearly, many have felt throughout history based on so many literary works on the subject. What is the driving force behind our actions? How do we come to our perceptions of situations? It all can be profoundly attributed to the interactions between genetics, social factors, and environment. We take from our experience good attributes as well as negative attributes such as, weakness, insecurity, jealous, hatred, and even a lack of empathy.”
Teresa hasn’t blogged lately… but she has a few things to say this week!
“This blog is way overdue and only because of one reason. I have been totally disgusted with what Victoria, Teresa Giudice, and Amber have brought to this show,” said Teresa. “That repulsive episode of lies brought my parents, my son, and my nephews a lot of pain. And it did not stop there. Jim Marchese took it further and continued to spew these lies all over the media. What kind of a man would go after mothers and children?”
Sweet little Audriana Giudice celebrated her fifth birthday on Sunday. And Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice shared the above picture of the birthday girl, adding, “Happy 5TH Birthday to my Princess AUDRIANA!” See more pictures of Audriana‘s big day, which included a trip to FAO Schwarz and a yummy looking dessert in New York City and a Frozen-themed birthday party with family at home, below.
By no means am I Giudice supporter, but I have to admit that the pictures tug at my heart strings. I cannot help but to wonder if Teresa and Joe Giudice will be able to celebrate Audriana‘s sixth birthday with her… Milania‘s 9th birthday… Gabriella‘s 10th birthday… Gia‘s 14th birthday… In my opinion, Teresa and Joe absolutely need to serve time for their plethora of crimes, but that does not mean I don’t feel for their four girls.
Still, Melissa took to her blog to share her thoughts on the episode, starting with the 9,000-square-foot home Joe Gorga plans to build. “A Joe Gorga house is impeccable,” Joe said on RHONJ. “When you open up those history books and you look in Rome, that’s what I build. I just have that gift. I’m the Michelangelo of New Jersey of building homes.” History books? I think he meant Beaver Habitats For Dummies.
“This week’s show really made me cry,” shared Dina. “I miss Luke so much, he left early in the season, so I think that’s why I look stressed and tired a lot too!”
Dina continued, “Luke was like my personal jester, no matter what was going on he could always make me laugh. He is truly a son to me and a brother to Lexi and I am hoping he finds what he is looking for back home. If nothing else I’m sure his mom is so happy to have her little boy back on her side of the pond, and like I said, my door will always be open to him (and any other stray that needs a home)!” Well, that explains the tacky hat, it must have been a stray.
Then Teresa and Gia have a heart-to-heart about Teresa’s life. Poor Gia – always the counselor, never the child. Teresa needs to remember Gia isn’t her peer. After Gia gets dropped off (I hope Teresa dropped her off at school and not at the Fashion Design business where she used to work (#DontTellMomTheBabySittersDead. #InsideJoke #GetIt #90s). And then Teresa tells Audriana, aged 4, how nice and amazing and smart, and a good listener her mom Gia is. Teresa is so glad they’re friends!
Since Amber has had The Cancer she’s become The Religious, and now considers herself the Mother Teresa in drag makeup of RHONJ. She and Jim go to church on Ash Wednesday and all of the sudden she receives The Vision and has to run outside to call Teresa. Right. Now. to check in on her. Teresa is in the gym and doesn’t want to tawk. She certainly doesn’t want to tawk about her legal issues but Amber’s questions are more probing than Rino’s prostate exam (see below!).
Last week on Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Teresa Giudice headed to court where she and Joe Giudicepled guilty for various frauds. Teresa submitted a plea for 4 counts and Joe for 5. Although the couple hasn’t been sentenced yet they’re both looking at jail time!
This week the Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars struggle for normalcy after the media explosion of their guilty plea. That includes being brave and thinking positively for their four girls – and turning to old friends like Jacqueline Laurita in times of need.