So everyone is pretending they like each other to head out to Arizona and celebrate Melissa Gorga's birthday at some spa retreat. Melissa isn't feeling too good – I think what Melissa is coming down with is a bad feeling of impending drama…
Before everyone packs up their sequin-sucking chuckalina bathing suits, Teresa Giudice is doing a cooking demo at the mall for the 85 & Older Club. I mean seriously, yeah spinach will probably save your life but you likely have to start eating it before you're eligible for AARP.
Kathy Wakile shows up to support whatever it is Teresa is doing with olive oil, bread, and loud rambling. I remain focused on her hair. It's literally a hair helmet (hairmet?) at this point, all plasticy and just perched there. I'm perplexed. So is Wallpaper; she's confused about how all of the sudden Teresa is absolved of her sins? Kathy tells her, 'It's not like a sponge, Tre, you can't just wipe it over the mess with some kitchen cleaner and have it be gone. This is like a big mess – like you need a hazmat team, but hey – let's go heal on another Vacations By Bravo. Free shit is free shit, right?!' Cannoli and Wine for the Jersey Woman's Soul by Kathy!
Because Teresa Giudice has nothing more pressing to worry about in her life, she's making sure we all know that her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga was not the only Real Housewife invited to the MTV VMA's last night.
Sunday afternoon Teresa Tweeted that she turned down an invite to the VMAs to spend the weekend with her family, which might not be the whole truth. You're shocked, I know.
Remember that childhood expression that when you point a finger you have four more pointing back at you? Newly minted delusional hair care maven Teresa Giudice recently launched Milania Hair Care (and won an award for it!) and despite her own um… helmety plasticy looking locks she's now dispensing advice along with her shampoo!
Of her take on Melissa's experience at her launch party, Teresa writes, "I was sorry that Melissa got into a fight with one of her best friends at the launch party. For the record, I didn't invite Jan or Penny. The party was open to any salon owners who called in and spoke with the Youthful 8 company reps. As soon as I found out Jan had RSVPed, I called Melissa to warn her and make sure she would be OK with it. If Melissa didn't want them to come, believe me, I would have uninvited them immediately!" I believe that, don't you?
Teresa continues, "I don't really know Jan, I just know she was one of Melissa's best girlfriends, and they were in each other's wedding. I have no idea why Jan and Melissa would have a falling out, but like I said in my interview on the show, I have Melissa's back…When Jan and Melissa were talking, I was right there to make sure it didn't get out of hand. My brother was right there too, and he wasn't upset, shrugging it off as crazy talk, so I did too. My main concern was that Melissa knew I was there for her." Really? I don't believe Melissa as far as I could throw her, but it appeared to me that Teresa didn't want to leave because she didn't want anyone to say something she wasn't expecting…
It seems Melissa Gorga changes her stories faster than she changes her lipgloss. I mean, one minute Jan is her BFF and they were in each other's weddings and the cheating allegation is the ultimate betrayal. And in the next minute, like in her recent blog, they were only friends for like a hot second 300 years ago.
So that means one of two things: Melissa didn't have any real-real friends to stack her bridal party with or she's lying about the nature of her relationship with Jan! Whatever the case, like all things Real Housewives of New Jersey, it doesn't add up!
According to our source Melissa is intent on continuing the "victim act" at all costs. "She just wants to blame Teresafor everything," our source tells us exclusively. "Melissa really needs a story line." What – you mean writing a marriage bible and staging a J. Faux pop star career isn't enough?! <gasp>
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I feel like Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga should just give up on pretending they want a better relationship. They don't. These two should just throw in the towel, cut their losses, and remain civil for the sake of their children. The sisters-in-law and their whole "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" mentality is wearing thin on this gal.
In her Bravo blog, Melissa addresses that awkward evening at Teresa's launch party with acquaintances Penny and Jan (the same random chick off the street that was a bridesmaid in Melissa's wedding). Those women certainly aren't her friends!
Melissa begins, "Well, that was a bizarre and confusing night. I’m sure you are just as dizzy as I am. Teresa and I had already talked about the rumors and she told me to just 'ignore it.' So I was surprised when she called and suggested that her launch party would be the 'perfect time' to confront the people that have been spreading these lies about me."
So you mean to tell us there's more footage of Teresa Giudice dropping thousands of dollars in cash on over-the-top bling?! Apparently!
According to sources prosecutors have confidentially asked Bravo and Sirens Media to hand over hours of unedited and unaired Real Housewives of New Jersey footage chronicling the Giudice's behavior, which may be used as evidence in their upcoming fraud trial!
“For every hour that airs, there are more than 20 hours of unedited footage,” a source reveals to NY Magazine.“They shoot for three months and end up using only the footage that fits into the story line they want to focus on.”
Well last night was another riveting episode of Teresa Giudice's Countdown To Indictment. That's how I've decided to refer to Real Housewives of New Jersey from now on. In light of all the real-real life drama no one cares about this totally and utterly ridiculously shallow family feud which all stemmed from some people's obsessive desire to be famous. "Famous", s'cuse me; quotes are totally necessary.
So anyway, indictment watch! Woo! Other than that Melissa Gorga is on the scene and she and new jazzy hair-do are showing up Teresa and her um… well, I dunno what you want to call the side-mullet, Star Trek voyager helmet she has plastered onto her head to visit Melissa with what totally looked like STORE BOUGHT cupcakes. I bet they were Shop-Rite and underneath the cupcake wrapper Teresa left a little note that read "payback, bitch!"
Anyway, Teresa is visiting Melissa so they can sit down and offer each other fake support for their various ventures. Teresa's business is Milania Hair Care and Melissa all like 'Ooooohhh… wow. So special. Let's talk your hair. You need a hairspray intervention. It looks like a cheap Ken Doll's shellacked plastic. Wait – is that the point of Milania Hair Care that Milania is actually doing the hair?'