Last night, Donald Trumptold the remaining six victims on Celebrity Apprenticethat they all looked sick and tired. And, he’s right. I’m sick and tired, too. The marathon pace of the show is starting to visibly take its toll on the contestants. Or maybe the editing monkeys exaggerated everyone’s behavior. Whatever it was, after tonight’s elimination, there will only be one way to go, and that’s for everyone to turn on each other.
The challenge this week was to create a jingle for Good Sam, an emergency roadside assistance firm with a retro-esque mascot. What a shame that both our musically inclined “celebrities” were project managers last week. This week, Aubrey O’Day and Clay Aiken really could have shone, but instead Dayana Mendoza decided to PM, with Arsenio Hall managing Unanimous. Or, the reality, Aubrey took over the creative direction of the team while Arsenio’s true project management task was managing Aubrey.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?
Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.
Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.
Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.
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So tonight is the second episode in the epic fourth season of Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the filming took place months ago, the ladies have still not recovered from slights, bruised egos, and cookbook insults. #OliveGardenGate2012. Let’s make this a thing on Twitter, people!
Apparently, all the drama, which has been dangling like a sequined bikini in front of her Jersey-loving noses, has paid off big-time in the form of ratings. Last week’s RHONJ season premiere was the highest rated premiere in Bravo history with over 3 million viewers tuning into watch the ‘when you’re here you’re family fest.’ In fact, last Sunday was Bravo’s best-rated night in network history, according to TV By The Numbers, with the network ranking as the highest watched channel in the 18-49 age range. Wow!
I guess no matter how much complaining I do about the trashiness overtaking the shows, it’s not gonna change because people are watching—big time!
Proving that the drama will continue, the ladies of NJ took to their Bravo blogs to talk last Sunday’s episode and do what they do best—complain about each other! Gotta love public venting!
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“Things have gotten out of hand,” Teresa admitted to In Touch Weekly (via their print edition). “I want to accept responsibility for the things I did wrong. I’m truly sorry.”
“I wish I could take it all back and start all over,” the reality star confesses. Teresa reveals that the reason for her change of heart is meeting people with real problems on Celebrity Apprentice – and how much it hurts her daughters to be separated from their aunt and uncle. Plus, Teresa admits she misses her friends and family! “All of this drama seemed insignificant after I was exposed to people with real problems,” she shares. “I met a lot of people on Celebrity Apprentice who have lost family members and would give anything just to spend one more day, one more minute with their loved ones.”
“Everyone makes mistakes in life, and Lord knows that I’m not perfect, but I want the girls to see me take responsibility for my actions,” Teresa insists. “It’s been very hard on the girls; families should love and support each other.” Teresa reveals the time is now for her to put aside the pettiness and focus on the positive. And she is ready to forgive – and forget! “My brother has a special bond with Gia. She misses him and it breaks her heart,” Teresa discloses.
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Well, if you’re already on Real Housewives of New Jersey overload, you are not alone! It seems all anyone can talk about these days is Teresa Giudice. Love her or hate her, the flamboyant Housewife knows how to make a splash and she knows how to get people to pay attention, puh-lease!
In the latest, Teresa has taken to In Touch Weekly to formally apologize to her co-stars (we’ll be giving you the full report of the story tomorrow) and it seems some of her co-stars are in a forgiving mood!
Yesterday, Teresa and former bestieJacqueline Laurita took their reconciliation public with a Twitter over-disclosure fest and apparently “baby steps” are happening to rebuild their relationship. Can I get a collective “awwwww”? I love Jacqueresa.
Apparently, Teresa called Jacs and they played phone tag until eventually connecting. It seems the ladies have missed each other, and frankly, we’ve missed them too. I like Jacqueline much better when she’s not under Caroline Manzo‘s spell!
Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice felt like a placeholder in between far more exciting episodes. The last two weeks were so exciting that I guess we needed a break before the real stuff starts. This needs to step up, because Sunday nights are too competitive. In any case, the Trumps certainly needed another product placement turn, since Ivanka’s fashion line has been all but forgotten at this point by most viewers.
This time, it was the Donald’s turn, and he got to shill for his new fragrance, “Success by Trump” Or as I like to call it, “Success after declaring bankruptcy and putting your family’s name on just about anything.” Both teams had to create an in-store display and slogan to promote the brand at Macy’s. On team Unanimous, looking so sad with just three members, Aubrey O’Day stepped up to the PM plate, and on team Forte, Clay Aiken took over. Penn Jillette talking-heads that he is going to bow out in order to become the celebrity apprentice. Remember that part!
The assignment is given out in Trump’s magnificently tacky home, the amount of gold just in the room the cast is standing in could probably be used to feed several third-world nations, but who cares when Donald needs everything to sparkle? Moving on to the war room, Clay already started to get annoyed at Penn and all his IDEAS. Dayana Mendoza immediately comes up with a super sexual idea of having nude women wear ties in the photos for the display. I’m not surprised that Dayana comes up with stuff like this; if you ever watch television from her home country of Venezuela, everything is all about innuendo and double entendre. The girl simply can not help it!
They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!
Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently, just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!
At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’
Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee- whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.
Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.
Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?
Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.
Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!
In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!
Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!
Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.
The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!
At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?
So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha
The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!
So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.
In case your DVR wasn’t already working hard enough on Sunday nights, it’s time to add another show! The highly anticipated fourth season of Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres tonight, and Bravo has got the press machine in overdrive for its arrival. The video preview, released weeks ago, is very dramatic and shows how different this show is produced versus the other Housewives franchises, who stick to a combination of fights spliced in with fun vacation scenes. On the RHONJ universe, it’s all gloom and doom.
The show is definitely being framed as Teresa Giudice versus everyone else, so intensely, that the producers even allowed Teresa to skip the press activities required of the other women before the season airs. In an interview with HollywoodLife, Teresa insists there was a real reason, “My new book, Fabulicious!: Fast & Fit, is coming out May 15 and I need to do press for it on TV shows, but you can’t get booked for the same shows within a span of three weeks.” She adds, “I really need to go on the shows to promote my cookbook and both our RHONJ network, Bravo and the shows producers are fine with me missing the RHONJ promotions, they understand.”
I’m sure they understand; Teresa’s absence fuels the fire! And if you’re curious if Teresa makes jokes about the precious Manzo boys in her new book, she learned her lesson: “I wasn’t saying anything malicious about Caroline or anyone else in the cookbook, and I’m sincerely sorry that I offended Caroline. I really like her. I was joking in my cookbook.”
We all know if a joke doesn’t end in a punchline about Lauren Manzo‘s weight, Caroline won’t laugh. The humorless matriarch of the Manzo clan turned on Teresa in the last season and brought along her puppet/sister-in-law Jacqueline Laurita with her. Caroline tells the Huffington Post that Teresa was always Dina’s friend, “Teresa was and still is Dina’s friend. The viewers make assumptions that we were best buddies, but no, she was part of a group, an ensemble that we traveled with.”
She goes on, “But the relationship between Teresa and I was never that deep. I did respect her as human being and as a person…” That respect is now probably totally gone. HuffPo asks Caroline if her relationship with Teresa is salvageable and she gives a vague, Bravo, “watch what happens” answer:
“You can never say something’s never salvageable, but when you’re sorry you have to mean it. You have to be genuine in what you say. And if you’re not genuine in what you say then don’t waste your words… So right now, where I am, is pretty much where you saw me last, but you’ll see the story play out in the season and who knows where we’ll wind up.”
Of her relationship with Dina Manzo, from whom she is currently estranged, she is confident that they “will end” and that “Dina will be back.”