Alright kiddos, so Real Housewives of New Jersey happened so let's all take a break from bashing our heads against the wall to read this recap. I personally would rather go through another drug-free labor than spend one more minute on the Teresa Giudice vs. Melissa Gorga mess, but hey – duty calls. Oh – and in case you haven't heard I had a baby this week! Word to the wise: try to get to the hospital in a timely manner, right Melissa?!!
Last night Teresa and Melissa put forth another round of she-said/she-said; bobbing and weaving around the ring like two drag queens in a RuPaul's Drag Race boxing challenge. Except the fashionably challenged version! It was sparkly leopard print verbal uppercut blocked by spray-tanned orange fauxmarble encrusted sucker punch. And a low-brow duck followed by a high-brow weave and spin. Before we knew it, fur was flying and Caroline Manzo's front yard petting zoo had died in vain over more of Teresa and Melissa's nonsense.
Since we're talking boxing – things begin in a gym. Apparently all of Franklin Lakes and its surrounding lower echelon suburbs go to the same gym and NONE of them knew it! Just imagine… no awkward collisions at the lowfat banana smoothie bar ever occurred! Who would believe it?!
Right off the bat Melissa wants to clear up that she did let her kids stay to have cake at Gia's party even though the editing looked as if she didn't stick around. I can say that seeing all of the photos from the event, Melissa was definitely there with her kids for a long time. She was in the photos through many stages of the evening, so they really whittled down the birthday party footage/drama.
Melissa shared, "I did let my kids have cake and then we got out of there." When Andy commented how nice it was to see Kim D. back on the scene, Melissa replies, "Yes, isn't that wonderful?" in a heavily sarcastic tone. She then explains that things are good with her and Kim.
Teresa Giudicecelebrated Gia's birthday back in January and the photos seemed to tell the story of a scuffle between Teresa and sister-in-law Melissa Gorga. We now know that the argument is over Teresa and Joey's father, Giacinto Gorga. Papa Gorga was hospitalized back in November and Teresa is "interrogizing" Melissa about if and when she paid a visit to her father-in-law. Melissa swears she's visited him soon after, but Teresa insists it wasn't until four days later. Melissa then adds in that she waited because of a sore throat. They can't even agree on what day Papa G was admitted. Let the petty shenanigans of season 5 begin!
The recent rumors suggest that Joe got caught with the nanny. How cliche! No one will be surprised to hear that Caroline Manzo is offering up her thoughts on the situation. It would be more surprising if she just remained mum!
The ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey have a new story to peddle this season – they're all getting along. Finally! In a new interview the entire cast sits down to discuss how they deal with the show, what's happened to bring peace, and remind us that there is still much, much more drama to come.
Oh they also talk cheatin' spouses…
"It's crazy when it comes on because there's a lot said that you don't see that's filmed, and then we've come so far from where we were in the beginning, so it's very hard to rewatch the beginning but you just have to remember it was before the makeup and before everything got better in all of our situations," Melissa Gorgatells the Associated Press.
In her first installment, Kim talks about her friendships with both Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita, and of course hints at some major upcoming drama. Yay!
"At the beginning of last year my mother was diagnosed very suddenly with lung cancer. It was one of the hardest times in my life I have ever had to go through. Both Teresa and Jacqueline were there for me every step of the way during that horrible period," Kim begins.
Was everyone watching the same Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion I was last season? You remember the one where Melissa Gorga tearfully dabbed at her eyes with a sequined sleeve and told Andy Cohen they were selling their Montville mansion so her daughter wouldn't be bullied at school by Teresa Giudice's wayward band of hoodlum children?
Just checking because apparently now that's not the case. Apparently now Melissa and Joe Gorga are moving to avoid rush hour traffic or something and because they bought some oceanfront property in Arizona to lovingly construct their next zillion-dollar, impeccably finished mansion. Joe – little tip: this time skip the plastic sinks. Teresa's in debt maybe she can sell you some of her marble vanities.