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The Real Housewives of Miami Recap


Following a lackluster freshman season, one that had fans longing for the good ol days of the DC Housewives, the Real Housewives of Miami ended last night with a supersized finale!

And while the ladies attempted to go out with a bang, they just didn’t quite measure up to their other counterparts. Example -

  • Party crashing 101? The Real Housewives of DC did it better!
  • Inappropriate sexy times in front of a camera crew? The Real Housewives of OC did it better!
  • Pre-wedding jitters & panics? The Real Housewives of Atlanta did it better!
  • Drinking and making inappropriate comments? The Real Housewives of NYC did it better!
  • Dinner parties from hell with psychic sidekicks? The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills did it better!

Bless their little hearts, at least they tried, and for that I give them a C- for effort. The episode begins with the glamorous Elsa as she sits with daughter Marysol to view her wedding photos. Mama Elsa doesn’t disappoint with her commentary when she states Marysol looked like royalty while Philippe looked like the help. And when it comes to being a grandma, just forget it! That ship has long sailed as Elsa feels she is way past the grandma appropriate age of 35, and is now too old to chase after the little crumb snatchers. The topic then turns into the number of times Marysol’s been married. Marysol says 2, Elsa says 3 or 4, while Marysol feeld she needs more time to catch up to her mother.

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This season of the Real Housewives of Miami has brought many things Cuban, think a Cuban airhead Barbie, an authentic Cuban pig roast, and a Cuban witch, though it seems the best had yet to come as we are introduced to a Cuban Brad Pitt on this episode. Muy Caliente!

The episode begins with the wedding of Marysol and French beau Phillipe, who might or might not be at risk of getting deported hence the quickie wedding. Marysol states she is now calm but accuses Phillipe of being nervous. I don’t know about you but he didn’t look that nervous to me, looked like a man with with his eyes the green card prize. After getting her hair and makeup done, Marysol exits the salon, while her Dwight inspired hairstyle brings back flashbacks of Phaedra’s Southern baby shower. The horror.

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The fourth episode of the Real Housewives if Miami aired last night bringing us yet another cooking party to go along with a slain pig (sorry PETA) and a lackluster proposal, but fret not as the always glamorous Elsa made an appearance on the show.

The show starts off with Larsa Pippen and her kids at a zoo home with their pet lizards, tortoises and bunnies. Not a problem for Larsa, who lets us know the pets are the responsibilities of her nannies. Larsa reveals the kids get to have their pets as a reward for getting good grades, and at this rate, we can expect pet tigers and rattle snakes on the Real Housewives of Miami season 6. Oh who am I kidding? This show isn’t making it past season 1!

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The third episode of the Real Housewives of Miami aired last night, and in case you’re wondering, it wasn’t much better than the two previous episodes. However, if there’s one thing to be learned from last night, it is that Elsa Patton is the real star of the show. Psychic witch readings? Drinking? Glamorous bedspread attires? Yes, I’ll take another shot of Elsa please!

The episode begins with Lea, Lea’s #1 Fan, and Marysol going over the successful charity gala Lea put together. So what are the ladies dishing about? If you guessed discussing how successful the event was and how it helped some poor kids from going to jail, you guessed wrong. Cristy is the topic of conversation as Lea can’t understand the audacity of anyone crashing one of her events. She runs Miami darn it! Lea decides the best way to deal with the issue is to make Cristy pay… Literally… As in via an invoice… That Lea will mail to her. A bit surprising considering Cristy has stated in her Bravo blogs that she and Lea were friends before the whole gala fiasco. But that doesn’t matter now as Lea’s verdict is final.

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Not so great ratings and negative reviews in tow, the show must go on, and it did last night as Bravo aired the second episode of the Real Housewives of Miami.

While episode 2 didn’t seem to help matters that much, a single phone call via Lea Black on Watch What Happens Live last night did seem to bring some glimmer of hope. Perhaps this season won’t be all that bad after all. More on this later.

The episode begins with Adriana having a convo with fiance Frederic as the two have a surprisingly not awkward conversation about Adriana and her love for guys. The topic then turns to the catwalk drama involving the other ladies. Adriana gets it right when she refers to Larsa and Cristy as high school “mean girls” in her interview, but gets it wrong when she states she did not make a fool of herself on the catwalk.

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Weeks after bumping the Real Housewives of NYC, Bravo premiered the Real Housewives of Miami last night and so far, the reviews today have pretty much panned the show, but more on this later. The Miami franchise definitely felt like a mix between Basketball Wives and the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Is this a good mix you ask? Well, let’s find out!

On to the recap – the premiere episodes of the Bravo housewives are usually a bit ADD and all over the place but something about the RHMIA just seemed slightly more all over the place.

In the first scene, we are introduced to snob #1 Lea, a “people collector” who finds joy in collecting crazy people, as I breathe a sigh of relief that Lea wasn’t around pre-Lincoln days. Some of the people collected by Lea include rapper Rick Ross and former NBA hot mess star Dennis Rodman. In this scene, we also get a glimpse of drag queen Elaine Lancaster in the background. Elaine was rumored to have been a cast member back when the show was still titled ‘Miami Social Club.’ It will be interesting to see if Elaine is in a lot of scenes through out the season. So okay, not a big fan of Lea but what the hey! There are 5 more ladies left so let’s go!

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