Vinny has come back to the Mothership, which is awesome because it means no new roommates for the gang. Everyone heads out, but Rawn for one is leery that Mike is being nice. Like really nice. Scary nice. It is very strange. JWoww is upset that Roger has been MIA, while the Situation reveals that he wants to get a tattoo that says “Loyalty and Betrayal” since he knows so much about those two things. Ronnie thinks “Betrayal and Betrayal” would be more appropriate given Mike’s pension for stirring up dramz among the roommates while being anything but “loyal.”

No matter, let’s just go to Karma! Pauly D is thrilled to have his wing man Vinny back at the Shore. Snooki is thrilled to have all of her guido family back together. So thrilled, in fact, that she totally soils herself on the dance floor. I know when I have to pee…do you, dear readers? Luckily Snooki takes a Shore shower, which means she maybe washed her hands when she went to the bathroom. Who are these people?

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The gang heads back to the house where Deena just wants a Hot Pocket. Don’t deter her, people! Vinny and his pseudo-mohawk are very excited to back at the shore. The next morning, Snooks wakes up, complete with Payless platforms intact. She wants to get rid of the evidence of tinkling on herself before everyone else awakes. Wait, she didn’t do that the night before, shower, and put on clean drawers? I am every bit disgusted as Snooks as she covertly places her soiled undies in the trash. Party foul times ten!

Deena is having issues. Her real extensions and her add-in white blonde extensions have gotten tangled. Even worse, while trying to untangle all her fake hair, Dirty D gets electrocuted! Sammi gives her a clean bill of health so all is well with the world. Snooki is ready to day drink. Mike is being shady, and Jenni still can’t get in touch with Roger. To be on the safe side, Snooki puts on a pair of Depends two pairs of underwear to make sure she has a fun day. Ronnie is the only voice of reason. He’s beyond concerned about how chill Mike is being. Is he going to blow up the shore house?

Day drinking! Sunday Funday! Deena rhyming things I don’t understand! Mike is excited to be out, as he’s a native. He’s going to find friends wherever. Pauly and Vinny are skeptical. Snooki’s bladder is bothering her beyond measure. She may have a UTI…urinary tract infection, not ultimate tanning institute. Thanks for clarifying. She’s not pregnant though. The gang decides to hit up the batting cage, much to Mike’s dismay. Remind me that if my life ever depends on a softball game to pick Deena over Snooki.

On the way out that night afternoon, Snooki and Deena end up in a cab with the Situation. He feels alone. The dudes are against him. The girls try to appease him while thinking he’s being overly dramatic. On the roof of the shore house, Mike engulfs Snooki in a bear hug. Sadly enough, his pants are so low that he needs MTV blurring. He admits that he’s been trying hard with the house mates and his feelings are hurt. When the remaining roommates show up, all they can focus on is the fact that Mike is accidentally showing the party in his pants to people who don’t want to attend. Poor JWoww can’t look at him as his shorts are now mid-thigh. A drunk Mike doesn’t understand why his roommates are being so shady. He doesn’t feel accepted. Snooki tells him that his 180 degree mood swing into kindness doesn’t seem sincere to the group. Mike is mad…he’ll show them insincerity. Geez. How old are you? Oh yeah, my age. AKA old.

Mike can’t let it go, so he goes down to unleash on Pauly, Vinny, and Rawn. It’s not even nighttime in the land of Jersey Shore. It’s still daylight! Snooki is mad that the boys gloss over the situation with the Situation. In an effort to “bring fun” to the house, Deena and Snooki revive the horrifying, terrifying, not okay in my book bunny costume. The group decides to play a memory game. I hear soot, bad memory, warm beer, and Snooki. It’s bound to go downhill from here, but I apologize for not being able to give you the actual rules. Snooki is apparently losing which means she is covered in soot, but yet she has no clue that her whole face is tainted. She learns quickly when she heads to the restroom. And can I say, thank goodness she went to the restroom instead of wetting herself?

Pigeons have taken over the shore porch. That’s what happens when late night snacks meet early morning birds. Jenni chides a friend into coming to fix her and Snooki’s hair. Meanwhile Deena is using her Shore Store creative prowess to insure that her new booty shorts (yikes!) are seen under her short dress. No worries there. Snooki’s father arrives and, much like all good father/daughter relationships, she asks her dad to head to the store to buy false eyelashes and cranberry juice for her UTI. That’s pretty much exactly what I asked my dad to bring me the last time he came over for dinner.

Mike is over the moon that he has just seen Roger when Jenni doesn’t know he’s in town. The Situation is laying on the charm with Deena who is lapping it up like a puppy with a new bowl of water. Mike acts like he’s confused by his roommate’s antics. Um. Deena is playing into his “Situation” like it’s her job. Mike just wants justice with the roommates….and for all of them to know that he did, in fact, hook up with Snooks while she was dating Jionni. And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?

After a day at the Shore Store, Mike feels the need to tell Jenni that he saw Roger. He hates to start drama, but he doesn’t want to be a liar. He’d rather stir the pot. Pauly D and Rawn are laughing about the fact that Mike must be up to something since he’s being so nice. The guy house mates are over it. Mike does a horrible job of trying to throw Jenni and Roger’s relationship under the bus. Pauly, Vinny, and Ron pretend to agree with Mike that Snooki is lying in her relationship with Jionni about her alleged hook up with Mike. Because they care. #notatall

Next week, Vinny gets blocked by Deena while Jenni and Roger’s relationship implodes.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? ARE YOU HAPPY VINNY IS BACK? IS MIKE BEING CONNIVING OR NICE? IS THIS THE END OF JENNI AND ROGER?

So right off the bat, we all know it’s NEVER a good sign if the Shore Store boss shows up at the house. He knows his hair blends in all too well with the house’s “quaint” wood paneling, so usually he tries to stay as far away as possible from that set. It must be dire. It is… with Vinny at home and Mike MIA, there are shifts that need to be covered. Crude words aren’t ironed on to scanty boy shorts all by themselves, dear readers! Boss man Danny is not happy with their work ethic and he threatens to increase his employee base. That means potential new roommates for the gang. Because this show has all of a sudden turned into the Real World.

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A very swollen Mike returns, devastated that his roommates were so callous about his birthday. Admittedly every year he retreats on his big day to see who will make the extra effort to show him love on his special day. In essence, he does exactly what every 13 year old girl 30+ year old man does when his birth’s anniversary rolls around. Snooki is disgusted… doesn’t he know they are planning a huge surprise party for him and Pauly? Oh wait, no he doesn’t. Because it’s — wait for it — a surprise.

Pauly doesn’t like to be lumped in with his roommates as a slack Shore Store employee. He’s working with the meatballs and is genuinely impressed with their sales skills. I guess that is what happens when you don’t nap at work — t-shirts get purchased. After work, the trio goes to get some airbrushed tattoos. Klassy! Back at the house, Deena calls Vinny to see if he’s going to come to the birthday shindig. He’s not coming and Deena fills him in on the fact he’ll be replaced by Danny if he doesn’t come back pronto. The ladies converse with him, but know he’s where he needs to be right now.

The meatballs want Pauly D to teach them how to “walk hard” but duh, you can’t teach swagger. Thanks for the life lesson, Pauly! The girls are going to find strippers to perform at the party. So basically, the girls want Mike and Pauly D handcuffed to wheelchairs while being lap danced on (is that a verb conjugation? No. No, it’s not.) by said strippers. Offensive much?

Jenni arrives for work, punctual as ever (and awake!) but Mike and Ronnie are running late. Danny dramatically staple guns pieces of copy paper with the words “Help Wanted. See Manager!!!” written in 48 point Times New Roman over a large boy short display. Holy heck, Danny means business. Within 15 seconds, several fame whores hard working retail aficionados wearing the typical job interview attire of string bikinis, fedoras and a smile apply for the gig. JWoww channels her inner Norma Rae and yanks down the sign, stopping any potential hussies co-workers and roommates from raining on her parade. As punishment, Danny makes Jenni write up a new sign in “After I have sex with I guy I rip their heads off” font. It’s much prettier.

The meatballs are tasked with purchasing favors for the party. There is an awkward scene involving giant bunny heads. I refuse to elaborate. Jenni’s boyfriend arrives for the party and Mike waxes poetic about wanting to bring home a girl after clubbing. A dirty tan Sammi loves that he has no clue he’s going to be walking into a birthday bash. Both guys are genuinely surprised when they walk into the clerb to a surprise party. The cakes are priceless… Pauly’s is a nipple, Mike’s is a thong-wearing a$$. Should the girls maybe get their own party planning show on the WE network?

At the Karma bash, Pauly and Mike are securely handcuffed into their wheelchairs. Stripping ensues. Spanking of those who are stripping ensues. After being released, Mike spends his time being licked up the abs by a stripper while Pauly clearly has beer goggles. He takes home his “hot brunette” as Mike stumbles home with his stripper who blatantly makes fun of the socks he gives her to sleep in — someone remind me again why the stripper needs to sleep in socks?

Deena and Rawn are late night drunk dialing Vinny, which leads to them both late night crying in the confessional booth, and then (because why stop a good thing?) late night crying on the deck. After birthday sex, Pauly sends his lady love out into the night. I’m assuming he called her a cab as we all know he’s quite the gentleman. Mike doesn’t play by the shore smush rules and lets the stripper spend the night, but he promptly calls her a taxi by the light of day.

Deena wants to do a couple’s night. Only problem? She’s not part of a couple. She calls up Rawn’s friend and after an awkward exchange, she’s thrilled to have “a date!” If I had a copy of The Rules, I’d prop it up in front of my television and pray for technology osmosis. Too late, the meatballs have seen my ADD and raised it frightening bunny costumes. Jionni comes over with flowers — long-stemmed so he deserves sex immediately, not just a verbal thank you. Long-stemmed flower arrangements cost more, so that makes total sense. Someone please enlighten me as to where I can mail the plethora of fitted sheets I’ve acquired to the shore house so I no longer have to witness overly tan people hooking up on a bare mattress. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

The non-smushing roommates head out, complete with Deena in fairy wings. The group has a drink in honor of Vinny. Within seconds, Pauly is excited to see a chick fight… but oh, wait! It’s Sam. Someone pulled her new weave and she’s ejected from the clerb. Sam was always taught, and I quote, “to self defend myself” and the roommates head home. Sam’s make-up is smeared down her face, but good gosh, she self defended herself and really, at the end of the day, isn’t that all any of us can do?

Deena is smushing with her “date,” but she keeps getting deterred by an overzealous alarm clock. Even unplugged it haunts the couple with its incessant beeping. All she wants is to do is sex people! Is that too much to ask? The following morning, Sitch gets a cab for his sex buddy Paula. He can’t find a thing wrong with her. Can she honestly say the same? He and Snooks have a heart-to-heart about his potential new girlfriend. Dare I say Mike is giddy?

Vin’s absence is affecting the roommates. Solution? Operation kidnap Vinny! Oh man, I’ve waited all episode for this scheme! Goin’ to Staten Island. Oh yeah! Cabs ah heeya! Before embarking on said felony, the roommates must make a quick stop at the Shore Store to make t-shirts emblazoned with Vin-like sayings. GTGVB. Gym, tan, get Vinny back. I’ll buy that shirt. The gang arrives at casa de Vinny, but — shocker! — no one seems to be home. I am assuming someone answered the door, because as the troop traipses through the house there are strange middle-aged women watching from different vantage points. The mob focuses in on Vin’s childhood bedroom. Jackpot! Vinny is super excited and shows off his new and very large and obnoxious “Let Go, Let God” tattoo. It’s one of my go-to phrases, so clearly I’m thinking we’re kindred. Rawn, however, is thinking, um, what does that mean? Vin’s done his soul searching and is ready to be taken back to the beach. All is right with the world.

Next time, Snooks has a pregnancy scare? Maybe? Or maybe she just likes wearing that freakish bunny costume? Mike is on his best behavior which leads his roommates to wonder what he’s up to…as clearly a nice Mike is a manipulative Mike.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? THOUGHTS ON THE SURPRISE PARTY? ARE YOU AS GROSSED OUT BY THE SMUSH ROOM AS I AM? ARE YOU GLAD VINNY’S BACK? DID YOU SECRETLY WANT SOME NEW ROOMMATES?

Pauly D sadly watches his friend Vinny drive off into the night. He heads to the club to inform the roommates that they are now a man down. Deena starts bawling, forcing Jenni to play mother hen to Drunk Deena. In the restroom, she tries to compose herself as Jenni bravely pulls Deena’s belt skirt over her lady bits. After calming down, Deena is ready to take to the dance floor regardless of the big hunk of toilet paper stuck to her shoe.

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Only Mike is not phased by the news (no shocker there!) finding a grenade to take back to the shore house. Pauly also finds a girl so that he can “get it in for [his] man Vinny.” That is a tribute, my friends! Back at the house, Mike gives the ladies a lesson in Italian. By the light of the grainy night-vision camera, we see the ever responsible Situation unwrapping a condom. This must be MTV’s PSA for safe sex. Are you listening Teen Moms? It’s for the greater good. I mean, thank God he’s not going to procreating and sending Situation spawn out into the world.

The next morning, Snooki sends Jionni on his way with a heartfelt “I won’t cheat on you today.” Aww, young love. She won’t have time for cheating anyway, as IT’S MEATBALL DAY! Snooki and Deena are way out of control and it’s not even lunch time. They run into Deena’s sister Joanie, and Deena says, “Mom’s going to kill me for getting you drunk.” I’m confused. Joanie looks like she’s thirty-five. The meatballs find some gay gentleman to help carry Snooki to the next bar. You know it’s bad when Deena is the sober one.

At the next locale, the meatball ‘veterans’ get into a full-on clerb style dance-off with some fellow patrons. Their furry boots make them look like crazed Ewoks with (thankfully) blurred out Britneys, saving the retinas (and souls) of the collective viewership. Once they get back to the house (Britneys still blurred, boots still furry), Deena realizes her extensions are in a knot. Pauly D manages to pull out a handful of hair. Gag. Mother JWoww gives the shedding meatball a deep condition, dumping handfuls of fake hair into the bathtub. Double gag, but crisis averted.

At Karma that night, Rawn is wearing skinny jeans in honor of his pal Vin. Pauly has another way to honor his friend. He finds an older tatted lady who is 1.) totally Vinny’s type, and more importantly 2.) DTF. Pauly takes her home to have his way with her in Vinny’s bed. That’s friendship, dear readers. True friendship. Back at the club, Mike and the Component Unit want to play GTT with Snooki. For you laymen, that’s Gym, Tan, The truth will set you free. Does the Situation have a cross shaved in the back of his head? Holy moley… pun intended. On their way to torture poor Snooks, a bar fight breaks out and the Element is kicked out of the club. Back at the house, the ever classy Pauly D calls Vin’s bang a cab.

The following day, the hungover trio of Ronnie, Mike and Jenni head to work at the Shore Store. Mike manages to pick a cute girl who hails from Bosnia and requests a grilled cheese for breakfast in the event she ever stays the night at the shore house. Later that afternoon, Rawn and the roomies (totally the name of my imaginary band) call Vinny to tell him how much they miss him. Pauly D dishes on his many tributes.

At Aztec, Mike finds his Shore Store lady, but he passes her off to Pauly D as a 31st birthday present after running into his main smush Paula. Back at the house, Pauly D gives the Bosnian beauty an ultimatum: come to bed or he’ll call her a cab. Cabs ah heeya! Knock, knock! She’s baa–ack, and now she wants to hang out with Mike. Looks like we have a situation. Mike explains that he will not be making any grilled cheeses as Paula will be sharing his bed tonight. So… off she goes again. Sam is flabbergasted that someone who isn’t DTF for Pauly D would be DTF for Mike.

The next day, Pauly’s family arrives to celebrate his big day with a special gift — his barber. After a haircut, Pauly is FTD. Fresh to death! The girls are planning on surprising both he and Mike with a dual birthday surprise party — strippers! The guys head to a big dinner with Pauly’s family. Mike is pouting because no one is there to celebrate with him. He wanders off to fall asleep on a sofa in the restaurant. Once Rawn hears him snoring, he goes and decorates Mike’s face with icing. Speaking of icing, back at home Sam is decorating a cake from the roommates to Pauly. Womp, womp, womp. Sitch is sad. He isolates himself from the group. Still jealous and upset the following day, he leaves the house without a word.

Next week, Mike is still MIA, Pauly D gets yet another birthday celebration, Sam gets into a girl fight and the roommates scheme to kidnap Vinny.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? SHOULD MEATBALL DAY BECOME A NATIONAL HOLIDAY? IS MIKE OVERREACTING OR JUSTIFIED IN HIS POUTINESS?

Back to the boardwalk! Last night’s Jersey Shore took a step back from the norm. Instead of being a PSA of how not to act/dress/drink yourself into a combination of regret, remorse and oblivion, it was more a study in sociology. This show has long been touted as a gluttonous look at very tan, very blinged out people with too much money, time and booze… but not quite enough sense. As it should be.

However, before I ever got this dream job of blogging for RT, I watched religiously — and not for the antics and the ridic catch phrases and abbreviations (although those are Ah. Maze. Ing!) — because, unlike with any other heavily scripted reality show, these folks really seem to care about one another. They brawl, they bitch, they hook-up, things get awkward, but no matter what, at the end of the day, they really are a family. #SundayDinners

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Vinny is homesick and his Brad Goreski glasses make him appear even more pensive. Ronnie and Pauly D are trying to talk him into staying at the shore house. Vinny is donezo. I’ve been there, done that. Mike meets up with Paula, who MTV labels as the Situation’s “friend with benefits.” You may know her as the girl who face planted down the stairs in the guidos’ first season. Potatoes, po-taw-toes.

It’s a torrential downpour, so the FWB (friends with benefits), the meatballs and Jionni go running for the shelter of the shore house. Mike is kind enough to lend Jionni some dry skivvies, as Mike opines, we shared the same girl, why not the same underwear? Touche. Snooki is concerned as the Situation and Jionni are acting like partners in Top Chef Restaurant Wars: Wasted Challenge. Snooki is terrified that Mike will say something to Jionni and the Situation loves watching the drama unravel.

Benefit friend leaves the following morning, as does Jionni. Ronnie takes off his silky spa sleep mask (he’s so manly) so he can crawl in bed and spoon with Pauly. They both think it makes Vinny jealous. JWoww and Sam head to their first day at the Shore Store. Vinny is MIA and they explain to the boss man that he’s in a bad place. Back at home, Snooki duck phones Jionni who begs her to go easy on the jello shots.

Vinny arrives very late to work and he confides in boss man Danny that he is suffering from pretty severe anxiety. My heart breaks for sweet Vin because that stuff isn’t easy to deal with, but sharing it does make a world of difference. After their conversation, Vinny doesn’t feel so isolated. The ladies are LTGing — laundry, tanning, gym. Clearly they don’t understand the importance of sequence. Pauly D wants to take Vin out for a guys’ day… even though he may have burned off part of his face from tanning. What’s on tap for guys’ day? Rifle range! Mixed martial arts! Or… mani pedis! Oooh, I can feel the testosterone radiating from my TV screen.

Pauly’s face is peeling off much like that dude in the scene from the original Poltergeist movie which scarred a six-year-old me for life (I wasn’t allowed to watch You Can’t Do That On Television, but movies about evil spirits and clowns? It was basically the same to my parents as Mr. Belvedere). Pauly knows he has white boy problems… a.k.a. don’t ever exfoliate after peeling from multiple burns tans. I don’t know if I’m sad or proud to learn about Pauly’s love of exfoliation. Hmmm… verdict’s in. I’m proud.

KARMA, B*TCHES! The aliens are being called back to their mothership. Snooki dresses in her fanciest undies with Jionni’s name emblazoned across her arse. She is also sporting a sequined bra leotard dress situation. Jenni reminds her that showing undie covered bits was what got her in trouble with Jionni last time. Great call. It’s best she goes commando. Deena contemplates holding out for the sex and abstaining from alcohol. JK! LOL! Where does MTV find these people? Seriously? Because I might want to move there and be like a modern day Jane Goodall with guidos in the mist.

The cast is sporting shades and club dancing at their home away from home. I learn the hard way, but I’m thankful for it that Snooki did put on alternate underwear. Jionni is less that thrilled with her “dancing” and he isn’t digging his gig as baby-sitter. Pauly finds a DTF while Mike creepily stares at the boobalicious masses. He’s like a character in a Lifetime movie. Mother May I Sleep with Danger Creepy? Vinny isn’t feeling the club scene, but Mike and Pauly find some ladies to accompany them back to the casa. Pauly, ever the good friend, wants Vinny to be out his funk so he heads up the smush room so that Vinny can sleep uninterrupted. Am I the only one who noticed that when Pauly was hooking up with his chick that she looked like she had a third butt cheek hanging out of her sequined hot pants? I hate myself for picking up on that, but after a rewind, I can’t imagine how I could possibly miss it. {Shudder}

Pre-sunrise, but post-smush, Pauly (always the gentleman) calls his damsel a cab. The grainy security cameras totally catch her stealing his gold chain and hiding it in her camel toe jorts. All around, it’s totally romantic. After a few hours of sleep, Pauly wakes to find he’s missing a kidney… or his beloved diamond chain. Snooki clearly thinks his midnight skank stole it and hid it in her a$$. Perhaps she’s not as dumb as she appears… Snooks clearly has street smarts. Might I add that Snooki’s evening ensemble looks even better with fuzzy slippers.

Stalker DTF girl arrives midday wearing a bikini and Pauly’s chain. “I don’t know how I ended up with this!” Perhaps you shoved it down your pants, clepto! Vinny is a major buzz kill, and not just to his roommates, but to me as well. All of the guys are trying to cheer him up, and I have to say I love that everyone in the house feels a special affinity and loyalty to Vin. He’s been consistently normal, nice, and drama-free and it’s refreshing to see his friends recognize that as well. Rawn knows Vinny isn’t crying foul… he’s clearly in a bad place, and Ronnie hates to see his friend like this.

Ever the romantic, Rawn returns from another boy bonding rendezvous with a giant stuffed Ewok? Teddy bear? Slug/mole hybrid? for his lady love Sam. Snooks approaches boy biffle/former paramour Vinny about his depression and his thoughts on leaving. While both she and Rawn express to him that they want him to stay because they love him, they both want him to do what is best for him. This is what brings me back to this show. They (minus maybe Mike) all truly care about one another regardless of how ridiculous they are. They have a bond that is missing in all other trashy reality shows.

The roommates debate staying home while Vinny retreats to his twin bed, but they don’t want him to feel smothered. After much discussion, everyone but Pauly heads to the club. Again, I love that they are like brothers. Pauly overhears Vin call his sister to come pick him up from the shore house. Pauly is visibly distraught, wishing he knew how to help his friend. He hates that he can’t relate to Vinny’s suffering. He respects his decision, but it is still upsetting. Pauly helps Vinny pack while teasing his friend that he’ll be back soon so he shouldn’t take all his stuff. Those two are my clear favorites.

Vinny’s sadness has made the Karma bound group appreciate their friendships. Instead of hitting on grenades and pole dancing, the roommates focus on drinking and dancing together. Vinny has a hard time leaving his friend Pauly. He knows that Pauly is beyond upset, but he’s thankful he has a friend who loves him enough to respect his choice to go home. The bros/dudes/guidos embrace before Vinny heads off into the night with a year’s worth of track suits and stark white tennis shoes in tow.

Next week, Vinny returns home and the meatballs revert back to falling down drunk. Mike and Pauly D celebrate their birthdays, except that the cake from the roommates only has Pauly’s name on it. We’ve got a situation here!

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? CAN YOU RELATE TO VINNY’S SITUATION? AS IT WAS A SEEMINGLY DRAMA AND BLACK-OUT FREE EPISODE, DO YOU VIEW THE ROOMMATES IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT?

First up, Snooki got a new tattoo to go along with her new super svelte body. Snooki tweeted: “Gettin tattoo done as we speak omg I can’t . If I could say every curse word in the book I would……well I am. Out loud and proud.”

The petite pistol got a star with leopard print kisses and some hair pieces zebra stripes tattooed on her shoulder to go with the crown and pink bow on her other shoulder. This newest ink matches her very vibrant hair color! Photos of Snooki getting inked are below!

Next up, is the cast of Jersey Shore over-exposed? I mean they are everywhere with product endorsements, creating their own products, ring tones, liquor, tanning solutions — you name it — and now they are headed for spin offs? Is that just too much of a good thing?

Allegedly, yes. In Touch Weekly is claiming the cast can no longer make big bucks for appearances anymore because they are too prevalent! “They’ve saturated the market,” an insider claims. “Their popularity has dropped and venues are bored of them.” Well, they are only good at a few things: getting drunk, acting skanky and acting a mess… so yeah, I mean it’s not like they have actual talents to fall back on!

Over exposure or no, that certainly didn’t stop several clubs from booking them for New Years Eve celebrations. Of course, I don’t know how much money they earned to show up!

Finally, the ladies of Seaside Heights gossiped to MTV News about The Unit, The Situation’s brother from another mother. And if you’re wondering what The Unit refers to — it’s below his belt thankyouverymuch!

“The Unit is another part of Mike,” Deena Cortese explained. “He’s like Mike’s unit, it’s kind of unreal. He kind of, like, gives Mike more ‘umph’ to be, like, a jerk.” According to Snooki, “He’s like Mike times 10, so it’s, like, gross, gross, gross. It’s not attractive.”

If you’re hoping for more of The Unit’s U-nique charms he’ll be hanging around in a few more episodes this season. Lucky us!

I hope you’re ready because the second episode of the fifth season airs tonight on MTV (10/9c). Get your cocktails ready!

THOUGHTS ON SNOOKI’S NEW TATTOO? DO YOU THINK JERSEY SHORE IS STAGED? IS THE CAST OVER-EXPOSED?

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Snooki practicing her scared kitty cat look before getting her tattoo done!

Ciao Florence, s’up Jersey. There’s a montage of the group leaving Italy, although it’s clear they are thoroughly thankful for their experiences abroad. Or not. Fast forward two seconds to a Jersey shuttle ride and the whole cast is riding out to that infamous house that once had an Italian flag spray painted on the garage. What happened to the antics of watching separate housemates hilariously make their way back to the Shore? I guess production costs called for “an altogether now” arrival. Oh, nevermind… they went straight from Italy to Seaside. That’s quite a spring break! One thing hasn’t changed… no one wants to room with creepy old Mike.

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The crew — including Snooki’s overworked crocodile stuffed animal — go sprinting into the house to reclaim their own STD laden beds. Sammi and Ron are not happy that Mike is stuck with them yet again… but after watching flashbacks, it’s probably the Situation who should be concerned about having to live with them. Geez. The group unloads a countless number of neon rolling luggage and it’s almost classy to see that there are no garbage bags involved. Let’s celebrate that fact — shots all around! In fact, let’s hit the board walk and harass our past and future boss at the Shore Store!

Vinny says it best, hitting the boardwalk for the first time is the perfect inauguration for this dysfunctional group. Amen and thank you. Seaside Heights has never been so devastated excited. It’s time to G. T. L. The boys have been fake sun deprived and their laundry has been missing fabric softener. God bless the U.S.A. Snooki immediately tries to call Jionni, who she hasn’t seen since that debacle in Europe. She misses him sooooo much. Meanwhile, Pauly D is thrilled to find a barber that can shave the perfect lightning bolt mohawk bow and arrow hair art into the back of his scalp. Oh, the motherland. Vinny is sporting a sick mullet/mohawk/fauxhawk (Rawn’s words, not mine).

They all head out to drink with their boss from the Shore Store. He’s staged a surprise welcome back party for his employees of the month minute. Jionni is there to surprise Snooki, Roger is there to surprise JWoww and Vinny’s Uncle Nino is there to surprise unsuspecting underage patrons his nephew. It doesn’t get more heartwarming than this folks. Even Vinny’s mom is there… perhaps to chaperone Nino, but maybe to see her son. Snooki’s dad is present as is her biffle Ryder (awkward much, Vin?). Were they in Italy for weeks or years? Please advise. Ronnie believes Uncle Nino is so flipping creepy he needs to be a roommate — he can have the smush room.

The only sane one of the bunch (?) is JWoww who is concerned about Jionni being there with Snooki’s confirmed hook-up Vin, and her alleged hook-up Mike. Mike is beyond thrilled. There are several witnesses in this one bar that can attest to the fact that Snooki cheated on Jionni with Mike. Ryder and Mike’s best friend, The Unit (is that his given name?) are egging Snooki on about the smush with Mike that never ever ever ever happened. Even Ryder is calling Snooki out on her shenanigans. When Mike promises not to spill the beans about their purported “situation” Snooki begins to cry because “she so loves Jionni.” Ronnie begins to think that maybe Mike wasn’t lying his way through Italy. The Unit (what is his real name??) tells Jenni that he totes saw Snooks and Sitch get down on it.

JWoww is concerned about this shindig turning into a done-dig. Sitch is staying mum, but The Unit is threatening to tell Jionni everything he saw/heard. Jenni approaches Snooks in the restroom (where all good things happen) and advises her that she’s acting suspicious and needs to chill and stop hating on Unit (birth certificate, please) so he won’t spill the infidelity beans. Ronnie approaches Unit and Sitch (that sounds like a future Nickelodeon cartoon) and he finds the whole debacle funny… and true.

Vinny is so thrilled he got to see his family in Seaside and the gang heads back to the house. Snooki is crying to Jionni about the lies that could come forward. Meteorologist Mike predicts there’s a hurricane situation that’s heading straight for Snooki Island. Watch your back — and your job – Al Roker!

Snooki takes Jionni straight to the smush her room so he won’t have to be a part of the juvenile drama which could unfold downstairs at any second. The lady does protest too much. I’d tell Jionni that, but he’d probably think I was speaking Italian. A roided up Unit is changing clothes with Mike, leading his roommate Sammi to think that Mike may swing both ways. Nah… Mike just needs to change drawers and moisturize. Mike so wants Snooki drama to unfold, but unfortunately she’s gone to bed.

In other dramz, Snooki’s first BFF Ryder is majorly irking Snooki’s second BFF Deeana by sinking her claws into Pauly. As Sam aptly observes, is there not a guy in this circle (Unit included) whose company Ryder hasn’t enjoyed? Deena is beyond jealous. I’m guessing Vinny is beyond thankful. And they both get to sleep in the same bedroom as a horny Ryder and a desperate Pauly. Pauly is slightly grossed out about taking his boy Vinny’s sloppy seconds (especially with Vinny in the next bed), but not grossed out enough not to RideHer.

Vinny makes the same RideHer joke in the following scene and I swear I wrote that last line before watching what he said! Vinny needs Ronnie to do Ryder to finish up Ryder’s sex bingo card. Priceless. Snooki and Mike fall back into their nasty friendship where Mike wants to call her out, as Snooki is trying to cover her tan a$$ to spare Jionni. Snooks apologizes to Unit and that pretty much means that a crisis is averted where Jionni is concerned.

Poor Vin is homesick, thus Ronnie reaches out to his bro/bra/pal/tanning buddy. Rawn offers to get him a stripper or a hooker. Deena offers The Sex. He’s good, but thanks. Vinny is prepared to go clubbing with the roomies, so don’t go calling any crisis help lines on his behalf. Pauly is all about finding someone for Vin, but unfortunately, it’s grenade city. Vinny leaves and Pauly is close behind, because, you know, bros before hos. I love Pauly D.

Back in the clerb, Jionni stupidly buys Sitch a drink. And another. And another. Mike can’t believe his paramour’s boyfriend is getting him drunk. Snooki is legitimately wary of Mike’s intentions. Back at the house, Vinny can’t sleep, and his behavior is worrying Pauly and Rawn. This is why I love this show. Not the fact that Vinny is stressed, but the fact that his friends are truly concerned about his well-being. They really are a family. Pauly thinks Vin’s homesickness is the worst he’s ever seen as Vin threatens to leave the house for good. Nooooooooo!!!

This season is just as ridiculous as seasons past. Previews promise hook-ups, drunk humiliations, bar fights, Mike promising to call out Snooki (what’s new?) and Vinny’s (hopefully short) absence. The group isn’t too keen on MTV’s the Shore Store’s decision to find a Vinny replacement.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SEASON PREMIERE? ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE THE GANG BACK AT THE SHORE? WILL VINNY LEAVE FOR GOOD? PREDICTIONS ON THE OUTCOME OF THE DRAMA BETWEEN SNOOKI AND MIKE?

Happy Jersday! You know you’re psyched. The GTL-ers are returning to both the TV screens and the shore in the drama-filled fifth season of Jersey Shore!

Oh, it will be a season — of that I am convinced. A season of all the things that made us love them; far from the respectable and classy Italy and back to where they belong roaming the boardwalks of Seaside Heights in search of a drink, a good time and a grenade!

And oh my, are they happy to return to the land of the guidos and gyms and tanning salons. “They didn’t have any fried foods there, no mozzarella sticks or chicken parm,” Sammi complained to The Chicago Sun Times about the cast’s Italian adventure.

“It was so difficult to get my hair straightener to work out there; the electricity stunk. Driving was terrible. We had a stick-shift Fiat. I didn’t drive the whole time … I couldn’t wait to get back home.”

Well, now they are home and they are ready for action. Ready for more fights between Snooki and The Situation, ready for JWoww to be well… wowful, ready for Deana to do something shocking and ready for more tanning sessions than a girl can count. “We hit Jersey hard,” said Pauly D warns.

Of course — there will always be The Situation having situations! “Mike has always been that character — kind of an egomaniac, kind of mischievous, a snake in the grass,” Vinny says of his roommate. “Do I think it’s 100 percent real? No, but that’s the character he has on the show. It’s who he is in that scenario. He’s actually a good kid deep down.”

Watch a clip of the upcoming episode below. It features Vinny and The Situation reuniting with a little sexual chemistry of the dry hump variety. Or something. Only in Jersey, only in Jersey…

Jersey Shore Season 5 premieres tonight at 9/10c on MTV.

TELL US – WILL YOU BE WATCHING?

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO WATCH A CLIP FROM THE SEASON PREMIERE!

Uh oh Jersey Shore, fans could the fifth season be their last? For the guidos and guidettes of Seaside Heights it seems being the drunken party animals embarrassing themselves on television has grown old now that they’ve had a taste of fame and fortune!

HollywoodLife reports that according to a source close to the show the cast members are over it! “The cast just isn’t as close as they once were,” the source reveals. “They are all pursuing their own projects, clothing lines, perfume lines and several of them want their own spinoffs. There’s a lot of competition and they all feel like they’re famous enough in their own rights to continue on without the show.”

“Pauly D has been trying to secure his own reality show for a while,” a different source explains. “Mike [The Situation] wants his own show but no one really wants to go forward with it and Snooki and JWoww were trying to get their own show.”

JWoww has already confirmed she is filming a spinoff with BFF Snooki and is hopeful the plot will include them going on a road trip.

Jersey Shore’s Fifth Season airs on January 5th on MTV.

WOULD YOU WATCH ANY OF THE JERSEY SHORE CAST IN THEIR OWN SPINOFF OR SHOULD THE CAST STAY TOGETHER?

The Situation filed a lawsuit against the company for knocking off slogans he claims he trademarked. The trademarks in question G.T.L and The Situation, of course!

Abercrombie & Fitch now denies the Jersey Shore star has any grounds to sue them “because he doesn’t technically own the trademarks in question… he only applied for them.” According to TMZ, A&F claims The Situation’s application for Gym Tan Laundry has been “suspended” because MTV “already owns ‘Gym Tanning Laundry,’ and the US Patent & Trademark Office thinks they’re too similar.” Oh my…

Despite the trademark issues, Abercrombie also believes that producing the shirts in question is actually protected under a law that “allows parody as part of free speech.” Not only that they were meant to be a joke and The Situation should get a sense of humor! The Situation has yet to comment on Abercrombie’s claims.

In other Jersey Shore news Snooki has been on a diet! And girl looks good! Revealing her new bikini body on Twitter, Snooki has been dieting and exercising diligently — and it has paid off. “So happy I’m at my goal weight I was when I was in high school! Feelin fit is amazing and can’t wait to tone up hardcore,” Snooki tweeted. And to complete her total transformation, Snooki asked Santa for a pair of “knockers” like JWoww‘s! Photos of a bikini clad Snooki are below.

[Photo Credit: WENN.com]

DOES THE SITUATION HAVE A CASE AGAINST ABERCROMBIE & FITCH? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SNOOKI’S NEW BODY?

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO SEE THE SNOOKI PHOTOS!

New Body, Same Style.

Snooki: blurry but still hot!

Skinni Snooki Decks The Halls with boyfriend Jionni. I wonder if there is a pair of knockers in one of those packages?

In the fifth season the entire cast returns and things get even more risqué as the sneak peak features a drunken and delushous Snooki taking a pee someplace that’s usually reserved for the family pet. Vinny Guadagnino apparently has enough as he vacates the house. “This is real. This is a reality right here. Vinny’s out of here,” Pauly D declares. The trailer promises many drunken nights, many bar fights, many pranks, many grenades and much ado about everything. Oh, and The Situation is bleeding.

The Situation and Snooki will continue to go at it, and this time Mike is also targeting the pouflette’s then boyfriend Jionni LaValle and promising to disclose a secret. Uh oh! Deena Cortese swears that the cast is more like “brothers and sisters” and the bickering never lasts long. “But you’ll see, we had a lot of fun in Jersey; we had so much fun. We were home, we were comfortable.”

“We’re back in our habitat and I’m ready to tear the speakers off this joint,” The Situation promises. Oh, you know you can’t wait! Check out the sneak peak below!

Jersey Shore premieres Thursday, January 5, at 10 p.m. ET/PT. Get your cocktails ready!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PROMO? ARE YOU EXCITED OR ARE YOU OVER THE SAME OLD DRAMA WITH THE CAST?

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO SEE THE TRAILER!