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The Situation

In the words of the illustrious Boyz II Men, “It’s so hard to say good-bye to yesterday.” The farewell we bid to the guidos and guidettes on last night’s finale of Jersey Shore is a bit bittersweet. With the Snookster knocked up and about to walk down the aisle, who know if the gang we all love to loathe with be returning to fist pump, GTL, and sound the grenade whistle. At least we’ll still have the memories…

The episode begins with the majority of the housemates returning from their time communing with nature to find Vinny and Pauly in a kiddie pool awaiting the repercussions of the prank to end all pranks. The meatballs initial reaction is that VP decided to throw them a tiki themed homecoming party. Once the realization sets in, the roommates are beyond confused. As Pauly puts it, Mike looks even dumber than normal. He is super proud of pulling off the inside out debacle. Everyone thinks it is hilarious, except for Mike who is pissed, pacing, and muttering to himself.

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Oh, Jersey Shore, how I love you…let me count the ways. I love you when you’re camping, when you incite food fights, and when you bring home grenades. I love you when you wear furry Ewok boots and need to blur out your private area because you forgot to put on underwear. I love it all.

Mike failed to execute his master plan on the last episode, so he takes an opportunity to take Jionni aside. He tells Snooki’s boyfriend that Snooks has totally seen the Sitch’s P while Ryder was hooking up with the Helium. Mike hopes that Jionni can respect his admission, man-to-man. Jionni shakes Mike’s hand and then crawls back in bed with Snooki to relay the Situation’s most recent situation. Snooks looks worried in the night vision cam, but seem legitimately concerned when the producers switch to full-on regular lighting. Jionni asks Nicole if Mike is being honest, but he continues to spoon Snooki as she laughingly declares Mike a liar.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore was one party short of a baby shower for Snooki. Or, it was just the gang clerbing before Nicole became “with child.” Tough to tell…

Snooki and Vin come back to the house as drunk messes. Deena and Pauly question the duo about sexual tension and hooking up with one another. Nicole and Vinny play it cool while cuddling up on Vin’s twin bed. Sexy. Snooks passes out, while the rest of the gang prepares to go to Jenks. Deena’s boy toy Joey calls the bat phone, and he informs her (and her white clip on extensions) that he’s going to have to bail. She needs to change her outfit to something less DTF. Deena is disappointed in the roommates’ showing. The Rawn/Sammi pair is sleeping, JWoww is in bed…  That leaves Vinny, Pauly, Deena, and sketchy Sitch heading to the club.

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Oh, Jersey Shore, I love when you give the viewers a drama-free episode, filled with drunken stupidity, bunny costumes, and Pauly D one-liners. I love it even more when you try to hide a public service announcement about the importance of watercraft safety into said episode. We’re listening, MTV, and we’ll wear life jackets if we’re ever unfortunate enough to find ourselves in a deflating raft with Snooki at the helm. You may have saved lives. #themoreyouknow

The fight that started to transpire at the end of the last episode ends very anticlimactically. The dude who pulled down Jenni’s napkin dress gets kicked out of the club. As Rawn opines, “You either leave Karma or you get kicked out of Karma. And if you mess with Rog’s girl, you’re going to get messed up…because that is Karma.” I am so glad he understands the phrase! Back at the house, all Snooki want to do is “get it in” (I can’t believe I just typed that!), but he’s vomiting. JWoww hauls Roger off to the smush room, but is called away to do her dooty duty. Ronnie hates that Roger never gets to hang out, and he helps Roger escape to the deck while Jenni’s in the ladies’ room.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore wasn’t too eventful. There is cake baking, pranks, doing sex, and a pair of suspenders that Jenni tries to pass off as a dress. Thankfully, there was also GTL.

Jenni and Roger are still fighting about her trust issues, but they seem to work through it on the duck phone. Jenni has to swallow her pride. Deena is quick to put her in her place as well, stating that she was acting like a brat.

Deena feels badly that the meatballs ditched out on work to get drunk. At Sammi’s suggestion, Snooks and Deena decide to make boss Danny an apology cake. After worrying that they put the cake into the oven for too long, Deena checks on it and realizes the pan with the batter is still sitting on the counter. Once it’s actually baked, they decorate it for Danny with meatball love.

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In what was likely a calculated PR move by the press-loving Nicole Polizzi, better known to us as all Snooki, rumors abound that she and boyfriend Jionni Lavalle are engaged! This is on the heels of rumors that Snooki was pregnant, which she has vehemently denied.

While no announcement has been made, Snooki has not been shy about her marriage motivation. In one interview, she said,” Jionni’s a great guy, so you know I’m so down to make guido babies with him!”. A source says that the feeling is mutual, and that the proper hardware has been procured. “Jionni bought the ring. He wants to propose on Valentine’s Day,” the source says. She’s waiting for the right time to announce the news to promote her new show.”

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and there’s been no news of an engagement, and with a Snooki and JWoww spin-off just about to start shooting in Jersey City, I would predict that an engagement announcement would be timed with the premiere of the show, complete with engagement storylines (Snooki Buys A Wedding Dress At Forever 21 and other episodes).

Snooki‘s relationship with Jionni has been the most positive one she’s engaged with thus far, in a recent video posted to USmagazine.com, she and co-star Jenni “JWoww” Farley attribute the success of this relationship (and Jenni’s relationship with boyfriend Roger) to the maturity of the men involved. Snooki and JWoww are quick to point out that both men haven’t changed their careers or lives to accommodate their reality-television girlfriends. Snooki succinctly puts it, “They’re men, not boys.” She adds, “I’s meant to be!” she gushed. “We’re lucky to have found guys that we have found.”

In the video, Snooki also admits that Jionni never refers to her by her Jersey Shore nickname, referring to her as Nicole, and that she would “throw up” if he ever did so.

Snooki’s domestic bliss will be threatened in tonight’s episode of Jersey Shore, where The Situation will finally get to unleash his scheme against her and tell Jionni that they hooked up at the beginning of Jionni and Snooki’s relationship. Snooki responds with her usual grace and class.

Also, Angelina Pivarnick, better known as the Staten Island dump, will be returning on tonight’s episode! In a semi-awkward moment, Pauly D and Vinny spot her at a club and actually decide to greet her. After exchanging pleasantries, Pauly D tries to avoid her while Vinny actually considers taking her home and “banging her.”

The new episode airs tonight on MTV at 10/9c. Check out the preview video below!

TELL US: DO YOU THINK SNOOKI IS ENGAGED? DO YOU BELIEVE SHE IS HIDING HER PREGNANCY? WILL YOU WATCH HER SPIN-OFF? HOW DO YOU THINK JIONNI WILL REACT TO THE NEWS SHE AND SITUATION HOOKED UP?

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Last night’s time with the gang from Jersey Shore was just how I like it:  Light-hearted, drunken tomfoolery without excessive urine, blurring of Britneys, or vomit, and a stage-five clinger thrown in for good measure. Speaking of measurement, Mike logged in some quality phone time with the Unit.

Mike is disappointed when he calls the Decibel and finds out he’s in Miami. This means he’s not able to come to the Shore to tell Jionni about Snooki’s situation with the Situation. Mike is thrilled to learn, however, that his brother is hooking up with Deena’s sister. There were so many bleeps in that portion of the conversation I felt like Mike was a smoke detector. Mike is being an evil genius right now… minus the genius part.

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It’s back to the beach with the peeps of Jersey Shore. Last night, Vinny settles back into shore life, Snooki loses bladder control, and Mike is eerily nice.

Vinny has come back to the Mothership, which is awesome because it means no new roommates for the gang. Everyone heads out, but Rawn for one is leery that Mike is being nice. Like really nice. Scary nice. It is very strange. JWoww is upset that Roger has been MIA, while the Situation reveals that he wants to get a tattoo that says “Loyalty and Betrayal” since he knows so much about those two things. Ronnie thinks “Betrayal and Betrayal” would be more appropriate given Mike’s pension for stirring up dramz among the roommates while being anything but “loyal.”

No matter, let’s just go to Karma! Pauly D is thrilled to have his wing man Vinny back at the Shore. Snooki is thrilled to have all of her guido family back together. So thrilled, in fact, that she totally soils herself on the dance floor. I know when I have to pee…do you, dear readers? Luckily Snooki takes a Shore shower, which means she maybe washed her hands when she went to the bathroom. Who are these people?

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