This was a good week for our favorite reality shows! It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man.
Alana Thompson and her redneckognizing family are back with a slew of holiday specials. First up? It's Halloween! If the group's time at Shhh! It's A Wig is any indication, we are in for a wild, wild ride. I have not been quiet in my love for all things Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but last night was overkill. Don't get me wrong, I still love this family, but TLC needs to differentiate between thirty minutes of hilarious redneck reveling and an hour of dragging out poor Sugar Bear in a wheelchair. Although, how awesome was he with baby Kaitlyn?
Oh Lord, I don't even know what to say. Two minutes into the special we are treated to June napping haphazardly across her bed and Pumpkin emerging from the crawl space beneath the house (just how close does that train come to their home??) with some nastiness she's found. Pumpkin ties said nastiness to a 2×4 and dangles it over her mother's face. I can only imagine what the remaining fifty-eight minutes have in store. As for Chubbs, Chickadee, and Smoochie, they love Halloween for the sweets. As Alana so eloquently sings/raps, "Halloween is all about the treats…treatin' myself to candy!" She's practically autotuned!
Poor Sugar Bear is in a wheelchair due to a recent surgery, and Pumpkin wants to dress up Chickadee's baby as a cheese ball for Halloween. The baby is precious! June shares that Halloween is a special time for her family, given that the girls love to dress up (well, duh, they are a pageant fam!), and they love to eat candy. I'd say that's a fair assessment. The family is decorating the yard for Halloween, and I have never seen such an assortment of pumpkin inflatables. There's that darn train again…I'd make spotting the train a drinking game, but I fear that I wouldn't be able to make it through this recap! June and Sugar Bear gather up the girls to head to the pumpkin patch. I'm so happy to see they already have their Christmas lights up on their house. That should make preparation for the yuletide holiday special that much easier.
Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives followed by a family interview. We watched Logan head off to college, and we were teased with a Kody Brown haircut. I can't say I'm sad to see it end…for now.
Christine is freaking out about the closings of the homes. Kody reveals that the family has yet to qualify for their loans. Um, why are they doing this again if they can't afford it? Kody and his wives head to the bank to pick out their options for their homes. One at a time, the ladies pour over carpet colors and countertops. Robyn is up first, and she's quick to make her decisions. Meri is up next, and she's already over budget. Meri is stressed about the money, but she still wants to see any potential upgrades. Are you kidding me? Kody is quickly getting frustrated because he thinks that a washer and dryer is way more important than special countertops. Meri is on the defensive, and she's over it. She leaves, allowing her sister wives to pick their options.
Last night was a Sister Wives' road trip from hell. I got totally stressed out just watching it. Kody Brown's behavior rivaled that of his youngest children, and we learned that Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan-Brown's great-great-(and great) grandfathers were both hanging out in Nauvoo, Illinois at the same time. Perhaps that's why they have such a connection? Christine Brown fancied herself a Chris Brown with her impromptu stand-up routines during the sofa interviews, and I think that Janelle Brown said maybe three words. She was probably still traumatized from the road trip.
The episode begins as the family is celebrating Logan's birthday. Kody announces that everyone is going to file into two RVs for a road trip to Nauvoo, Illinois which is where the Church of Latter Day Saints gained popularity. While the Browns aren't a part of that denomination, they are looking forward to learning more about their Mormon forefathers. Needless to say, the teenagers aren't super thrilled at the idea of driving three days to Illinois to learn their church history, while the younger kids just hear "RVs."
Hunter and Logan manage to get out of the pilgrimage thanks to prior plans and football camp. The teen girls are beyond jealous of their brothers' good fortune. Logan and Hunter aren't even pretending they're upset to missing this debacle. Christine and Robyn will be staying in hotels while the other ladies will be bunking in the RVs.
Last night we were treated to a double dose of Sister Wives, but it wasn't really more of Kody Brown's lion mane. TLC just gave us two thirty minute episodes instead of one hour-long program. There's drama and Kody tears…it's not funny. So why am I laughing as I type? Perhaps because when I typed it, I didn't realize that Kody was crying over the loss of a dog…I am a horrible person. I am so saddened that the Browns have to deal with putting down their twelve-year-old family member.
On the first episode, the family meets to go over the different options for the homes. Granite countertops? Christine Brown is quick to pick her back splashes and cabinets, but Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown are slow to make a decision. Meri is willing to get another job so she can have what she wants in the house. Seriously, Meri? You're too good for sliding glass doors? She really isn't willing to budge on what she wants in her home even though she's over budget. I love that Christine won't offer up any of her extra cash even though she comes in under budget. I totally get that Meri shouldn't be punished budget wise just because she wasn't able to have more kids, but on the flip side, she should be thanking her lucky stars she's getting a ginormous home for herself while her sister wives will have kids doubling up in bedrooms. I normally really like Meri, but she needs to get over herself.
Thanks Meri, for making me tear up by showing me an aging, sick dog. It breaks my heart. I'm such a dog person, and I've lost two dogs when I was growing up to old age, and one who was hit by a car as an adult. I just let my four-legged child get up on the sofa with me to watch this show because all of this dog story line is so sad. Meri and Kody call in all the children to say good-bye to Drake, and the kids are bawling crying and taking pictures with the sweet pooch.
Over at Janelle Brown's house, it's time to hit the gym. She is up at quarter till five in the morning, and she's heading to meet with her trainer. I think it's very brave of Janelle to share her weight loss struggles. Christine is very proud of her sister wife's dedication. Janelle's trainer is is not only working on her body, but he's also trying to help her change her eating behavior. She is very determined.
The teens on last night's Sister Wives got a bit of a reality check. Maddie, Logan, and Aspyn are volunteering for an organization that helps families who want to leave the polygamist lifestyle. They are traveling back to Utah to paint a house for a family to move into after leaving the LDS community. Kody Brown and his hair hope that Aspyn will remember that plural marriage is a good thing. Christine isn't on board with this trip because she wonders if there are times when people are are "helped" when they really don't want to necessarily leave.
Kody and the wives are optimistic that the teens will remember how different their family is from the families they are about to see. Maddie can't fathom the abuse that some people in plural marriages suffer, and Aspyn is worried that she won't be able to relate to the victims. Right away they meet a polygamist escapee Kollene who readily admits she wants to take out some of her anger on the Browns. Kody is upset that Warren Jeffs has painted his lifestyle in such a bad light.
Oh, Sister Wives! Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers. TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off? Kody Brown would be livid!
We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes. How are these people affording these homes? The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices. I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.
After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal! The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns. Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady. Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister. Talk about sharing everything! I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children. The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom. Lovely.
It seems that Kody Brown has gotten some sort of hairstyle/hairdo/haircut situation since last week's Sister Wives premiere. His bowl-cut/mullet hybrid seems more tame. Is he not watching these old home videos of himself that we're forced to watch? He's actually not bad looking with shorter hair. I don't know if I'll ever get over his mane situation. Kody drones on and on about how many polygamists don't raise their children in such a public manner due to the stigma of the lifestyle. Of course Kody wants to be front and center with each of his bazillion kids so they realize how strong the family bond is.
Kody and his wives are heading to the high school for a parent(s)-teacher conference. Oddly enough, they opt for the mini-van instead of Kody's convertible. Strange. The first meeting is with Mariah's Spanish teacher. Mariah reminds us that she was inducted into the National Honor Society…last episode year. A little editing problem there, TLC? That would explain Kody's haircut. Anyhoo, the Spanish teacher is meeting with three of the kids moms. It's funny watching the wives pretend like they understand Spanish. Christine thinks that Senora Hess is hot. She would totally learn Spanish from her…and there is next season's story line–recruiting Senora Hess as the next wife.
Next, the women meet with the P.E. teacher. While she's only teaching Aspyn this year, she had many of the daughters last year. Aspyn likes to skip P.E. a lot, but she's making up the work to increase her grade. Christine allows Aspyn to skip school a lot because she's such a good student. That's good…it's totally like that in the work force too, so kudos to you Christine for preparing her for real life. Meri admits that Mariah often tries to skip citing Chistine's lax nature with Aspyn, but Meri won't stand for it. However, like Mariah, Aspyn also wants to be in a plural marriage like her parents.