After a long, protracted, repetitive, and drawn-out season, Vanderpump Rules ended where it always does – in the beginning, with a tale of woe of Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder; two ships crossing in the night during a tsunami. Jax and Stassi didn’t have drama together (although Jax was gobsmacked by seeing Patrick in the flesh), but the epicenter of this show has always been Jax and Stassi.
Honestly it should because they’re both tragicomic heroes. Two people so miscalculating in their own effects, yet squandering so much potential that it almost makes me feel bad for them. All the characters on this show are like that to a degree, but none so poignantly as Jax or Stassi, one, a star-crossed failure, and the other a star-crossed hater who idealizes murder because she can’t confront her own painful insecurities.
Let’s be honest: Vanderpump Rules is the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t get me wrong, I love (almost) every single show on Bravo, but I don’t “like” them all equally. Some of them have been slacking with the recent seasons.
Vanderpump Rules has more going on in one episode than most Real Housewivesshows do in an entire season. I’m looking at you, Beverly Hills Housewives. The story lines just keep on coming. So of course, Tom Sandoval was asked about 98484838737 different topics during his appearance on Watch What Happens Livelast night. There was just so much to address from this season alone.
Here’s what I was doing instead of writing a Vanderpump Rules recap: researching Captain Picard cookie cutters on the internet. But honestly, that might not be so far off-base. Any Star Trek TNG fans out there? Well, you should be – it would be super great if Captain Picard could beam down and save this mess from itself, because NO ONE interesting this season. Except James Kennedy, but that’s beside the point.
I’m supposed to be all bent out of shape and emotionally invested because Jax Taylor finally manned up enough to dump Brittany Cartwright. She reacted by storming out of their apartment amid a stream of twang-laced obscenities (which sounds like what happens when you mix Tang with beer from an aluminum can) and Jax reacted by stress-eating himself a piece of greasy leftover pizza then strolling down the hall to Tom and Katie’s.
As a self-proclaimed reality TV connoisseur, I can’t help thinking that there are few thing more frustrating than a pivotal moment occurring away from the cameras. This means that we will (most likely) never have proof of what actually happened.
A picture is worth a thousand words, rights? So what does it say when Cameran Eubanks, Whitney Sudler-Smith, Shep Rose, Kathryn Dennis, and Patricia Altschulall post the same photo of Cameran, Whitney, Shep, and Kathryn with Cameran’s daughter Palmer? I’m sure that they were all excited to meet the new baby, but are they also sending a message about the “teams” for the rest of Southern CharmSeason 5? Or maybe I’m just being presumptuous… Then again, take a look at Thomas Ravenel’sTwitter account and it’s very clear that he and Patricia are feuding these days. We shall see what happens as the season continues….
Billie Leetold Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute that Jeremyasked her out on a date and they warned her that Jeremy is “creepy.” Then we were blessed with some unseen footage from Tom Schwartzand Katie Maloney’s wedding reception with Jeremy attempting to make a move on Stassi. Ariana’s man Tom Sandovalconfronted Kristen, Stassi, and Katie about the accusations, and then we didn’t really hear from Jeremy after that. Sure, we saw the date with Billie, but they just left that story line behind. It’s understandable since there are 959548484847 people on this show, but it still feels unfinished.