Tom Schwartz

Tom & Tom

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, the Toms demonstrated that age is just a number and even when you’re 35, you can still pretend to be 21 with no responsibilities. I guess when you have stunted bartender jobolescence, growing up is hard to do! Even if you have “buishischeness deschisions” to make!

SUR is back in action with a facelift, because Lisa Vanderpump turns raging fires into restaurant redesign, and everything winds up looking a little fresher and sparklier. The new chandelier at SUR has the added benefit of making everyone look younger. Tom and Jax look positively like their first season selves. Too bad all Hollywood ‘facelifts’ don’t turn out so well! This is all a prequel to Tom Tom, which the Toms will get a larger taste of during their ‘work trip’ to Vegas.

Lisa will show Tom 1 and Tom 2 “a day in the life of the Vanderpump regime.” Which is more than just design elements, but showing them what running an actual business looks like. A business which has nothing to do with pretend statement necklace collection, or ‘online beauty blogs’ that get updated once every 3 months. Or at least that’s her plan… 

Lala Kent Insists & She’s Not A Homewrecker & Clarifies Timeline Of Relationship With Randall Emmett; Knew Faith Stowers Had Sex With Jax Taylor An Hour After It Happened

At this point, all of the Vanderpump Rules viewers are well-aware that Lala Kent is done being friends with James Kennedy– whether he likes it or not- for now, anyway. She is done with him for hating on her man Randall Emmett and she insists that there is no way for James to get back in her good graces.

But what about James‘ girlfriend Raquel Leviss? I assume it would be awkward for Lala to be friends with Raquel if she wants nothing to do with James, but this show is always pushing conventional boundaries when it comes to relationships, so you never know.

Scheana Marie

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was a matter of love and death. In the complete and utter trainwreck that is watching Scheana Marie transcend from Stage Five Clinger to total stalker and future subject of Snapped (or her own Lifetime Movie Of The Week). Jax Taylor was literally drowning (*well kinda) but Scheana was drowning in her own delusion and Rob Valetta is not about to be dragged under with her.

Thankfully Rob can swim perfectly, and amazingly, and better than anyone in the whole wide word even Michael Phelps, and he can also save people with his boogey board of life! Just ask Jax!

There was so much relationship dysfunction last night that the thought of looking through a Choose Your Own Designer Vagina catalog seems like the lesser of evils. Yes, that is a thing, but you have to be willing to travel to Thailand to get it installed… Do they make any that are STD resistant?

Kristen DOute makes a scandalous accusation against James

It feels like a lifetime ago since Kristen Doute couldn’t stand being in the same room as Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix. Now everything seems to be copacetic between Kristen, her ex, and his current girlfriend, so much so that she actually wants to get into business with Tom.

Well, not just Tom. Kristen thinks that she has a lot to offer to the Tom Tom restaurant that Lisa Vanderpump is trying to open with Sandoval and Tom Schwartz. That seems like a total stretch considering that Lisa is far from Kristen’s biggest fan, but maybe things change during the rest of the season?

Katie Maloney & Tom Schwartz Want To Have Kids “Soon”

Minus that one “allegedly” drunken make out session, married life seems to suit Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney. This season of Vanderpump Rules is a far cry from last year’s pre-wedding fights.

Now that these two are on the same page, they are talking about starting a family and it could be happening way sooner than anyone expected. Now I’m getting way ahead of myself imagining Vanderpump Rules episodes dedicated to the ever-so-trendy gender reveal party that is all over Instagram these days, a co-ed baby shower, their child’s birth with Tom Sandoval crying in the hospital waiting room, a baptism with Lisa Vanderpump as the master of ceremonies.

James & Lala

Oh man, all season on Vanderpump Rules I have really been loving James Kennedy … Until last night, that is! Down goes the Jack Daniels, and James’ decency follows suit. He was a horrible, ATROCIOUS drunken buffoon to Lala Kent and Raquel Leviss when he should have reserved that treatment for Scheana Marie. If only so Rob Valetta could rush in to be knight in shining armor and fix it. I hear he’s good at those sorts of things!

Scheana Marie invited a select group ‘non-assholes’ to Rob’s cabin in Big Bear. After the Toca Madera cheating non-scandal, she’s desperate to prove that some of her non-friends are capable of behaving like decent human beings. Except slim pickings. She can’t invite the Three-Headed SheBeasts who are too busy bedazzling scooters while fake crying apologies after their birthday party breakdowns (plus they started the rumor), so Scheana was forced to choose Jax Taylor and James?! Scheana is a cesspool of failed logic and I really believe all the therapists on this show are being wasted on Jax. Absolutely he is in need, but um… spread the ‘py, because there’s a six car pileup of people needing psychiatric attention.

Stassi

I almost have no words for the dysfunction of last night’s Vanderpump Rules. Maybe Stassi Schroeder is aging in reverse. Not in that ‘she looks fabulous way’ of Lisa Vanderpump, but of the OMG – is she really throwing a toddler temper tantrum at her own birthday party. I think I read a Berenstain Bears book about that called “Too Much Birthday.”

Could Stassi and Ariana Madix buy a 2-for-1 therapy session on Groupon? Or maybe Jax Taylor‘s reiki healer can mend the hole in Stassi’s forehead by using her calming touch to transforms it into a halo of happiness. Is that medically possible? Jax and Stassi can skip off into the sunset together happy, at peace, alive! Kristen Doute would lose her soulmate.

Instagram Roundup: Rasheeda Frost, Kim Zolciak, Luann de Lesseps, & More!

There is just so much reality TV action to keep up with, from the shows themselves, to the latest headlines in between seasons, and then there are all of the social media posts. No need to worry about keeping up with the Instagram posts though. This week’s Instagram Roundup has you covered with all of the best, weirdest, and most interesting reality TV star photos from the week.

There were plenty of family friendly photos this week. Southern Charm star Cameran Eubanks shared a very real photo with her daughter Palmer. Bachelor couple Sean Lowe and (pregnant) Catherine Giudici Lowe posed for an adorable pic with their son Samuel. Dancing With the Stars pro Maksim Chmerkovsky hung out with his dog and his son Shai. Janelle Evans shared a photo of husband David Eason with their family. Princess Love showed off her baby bump at the six month mark of her pregnancy.