Last week on Shahs of Sunset, the Israeli experience was all about getting drunk and partying. This week? It’s time for the Shahs to get spiritual. And by spiritual, I mean fight nonstop with each other about religion. How enlightening!
It’s 9 AM – do you know where your MJ is? It’s no surprise that after a night of heavy drinking and trashing her hotel room, Mercedes “MJ” Javid and her dirty feet still aren’t up for the morning. The rest of the gang is getting ready and eating breakfast but no MJ to be found. Worried that maybe she has suffocated under her own boobs, Reza Farahan FaceTimes her and immediately wishes he hadn’t. MJ likes to claim she’s always fresh as a daisy after a night of drinking but time (and alcohol) has not been kind to her. She’s looking more weed wacked than freshly bloomed.
On every Bravo reality show, there comes a crucial point in the filming of the season where it’s time to get the cast up and out of their element, all for the sake of the viewer’s entertainment. Shahs of Sunset fans, I bring you last night’s episode of the cast trip. Why they chose to do it so early in the season is still a bit of a mystery to me but let’s just go along for the ride like we do everything else.
Before vacation commences, Reza Farahan does have some important business to work on at home: humoring husband Adam Neely into thinking he will consider a surrogate to have their children. They meet the doctor, who looks like the villain from every recent James Bond movie I’ve seen, and settle into his office. But while Adam is ready to talk babies, Reza is transfixed with the doctor’s taste in furniture and calculates in his head how much the desk costs and how his surrogacy money would be paying for it.
With a tumultuous and long-standing feud between Reza Farahan and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi finally resolved, the Shahs of Sunset can get back to more important things, like peace in the Middle East. Just how does a Shah go about tackling the task that has eluded generations of people worldwide? By throwing a politically incorrect party, of course!
Reza and Mike Shouhed nurse their hangovers at lunch, while they recover from Shervin Rpoohparvar’s Malibu party the night before. Mike never went to bed and when Mercedes “MJ” Javid shows up, it looks like she hasn’t either….for days. Talk turns from being hungover to how much Mike’s family means to him and that includes family in Israel that he hasn’t seen in over ten years. Hey, wouldn’t it be “the dope-est” if all of the Shahs went to Israel too? Apparently so, according to Reza. He is looking to connect with the Jewish side of his life via a posh vacation with his friends. When they try and get MJ on board, she initially balks, saying she doesn’t want to leave her father while he is sick. But she quickly realizes that she needs a break from her stressful life and I guess another cast trip with this bunch of hooligans is something she might find relaxing. She thrives in chaos after all!
Speaking of things we have to endure, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi is back in full effect this episode and she is ready to make amends all over the place. I don’t even know if she understands what she is apologizing for but she plans on throwing those apologies out faster than she can go from belligerent drunk to blackout drunk. GG arrives at Asa’s house to eat some hummus and drink the weird watermelon juice Asa has set out. Note: not diamond water. But Asa is true to her new craft, the overpriced kaftans she wears nonstop, and today is no exception. GG shovels zucchini into her mouth with her talons and tells Asa how skinny she looks, despite Asa’s constant attempts to get GG to notice her baby bump.
One of the biggest and most anticipated season premieres is happening tonight, folks. If you can stand the gratuitous violence and confusing story line, then I would be talking about Game of Thrones. If you can stand the gratuitous ridiculousness and idiotic story line, I’m talking about Shahs of Sunset. SOS isn’t totally devoid of violence either, thanks to Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi and her face clawing ways, you just won’t have to endure quite as much of it since she has apparently learned to meditate this season.
But before we delve into the abyss of GG’s tragic life, we have to drop in on everyone’s favorite sloppy soulmates, Mercedes “MJ” Javid and fiancé Tommy Feight. Yes, they are still together and yes, still engaged. In fact, they have even moved in together and I’m assuming that happened yesterday, by the looks of it. There are boxes, lucite stripper heels and empty bottles of vodka strewn about as MJ’s dog is busy licking the wrapper of a cheese and crackers packet that is discarded on the couch. MJ kicks her dirty feet up and we learn that a filthy apartment isn’t the scariest part of this living situation –it’s the fact that her mother Vida lives in the same complex. As in, she can look down from her tower of misery and see MJ’s place.
Back to back nights of reunion specials are always a little much and that couldn’t be truer than with the Shahs of Sunset. It’s just a lot to handle and I think most of us can agree that we need the Shahs in small, weekly doses. But if part one of the reunion could be summed up as evil eyes, extra marital affairs, and extensions, part two’s theme should be business schemes, standup routines, and sex tapes that no one has seen.
We pick up from last night with Vida sitting back and watching the destruction she caused after throwing her patented Criticism Grenade into the heart of the crew. Mercedes “MJ” Javid and Asa Soltan Rahmati are still going at it and MJ really has an axe to grind here. Tommy Feight, drinks his free champagne and is happy as a clam, completely unaffected by the drama going on around him. If anyone can handle dating someone on a reality show, I’m starting to think it is Tommy.
It’s that time again, where the Shahs of Sunset gather around a large spread of food and rip each other to shreds. If I were to sum up part one of this reunion, in a few words, it would be: evil eyes, extramarital affairs, and hair extensions. So. Many. Extensions. Asa Soltan Rahmati isn’t wearing them but she made up for her lack of fake hair in about sixty pounds of tacky jewelry.
Carole gushes over the Shahs of Sunset, “It is authentic; it is real. You guys really love each other, and when you hate each other, you really hate. It is the difference between great reality and…” MJ interjects, “Fluff.”
Andy plays the “Gloating while Boating” clip of Luann de Lesseps for Carole. Carole says she has never seen Luann happier. MJ, who is just as incapable of keeping her mouth shut as she is of keeping her boobs inside her clothing, says Luann is way over the top with the whole relationship. Carole admits she’s a little bit over the top, but adds, “But it was actually really sweet.”