Noting he had to “Schwartzify” his proposal setup, which included a fake proposal before the real deal went down, Tom explains, “Key elements to the proposal were surprise, not just for Katie but for everyone present, the perfect ring, great friends and a little quirk with the decoy proposal. The ring was really my anchor though. My ace in the hole. Even if I would have completely botched the proposal, the ring was so perfect that I couldn’t have failed.”
In cold hard realities, the “A” Tom 1 drunkenly tattooed on his ass stands for Adulting. Tom 1 spent 15 drunken minutes getting inked, but now wants his 15 minutes back. Ariana Madix escorts him to Dat Tat Off, the world’s most professional tattoo removal parlor, which is coincidentally managed by Kristen Doute‘s Machiavellian friend, who happens to be wearing black and white stripes. Tom 1 – forever imprisoned by Kristen somehow! Tom went there in the hopes of getting a ‘friend-ish’ discount.
If they were a movie, it would be called, She’s [He’s] Just Not That Over You (The Tom and Kristen forever dysfunction story). True to form, Kristen’s friend is eager to view the self-inflicted damage Ariana caused Tom to enact.
I have a major bone to pick with this show. Let’s call it a reality check shall we, since this is supposed to be a reality show and all. Why are they still trying to make Kristen happen? Honestly – would any ‘real’ friend expect you to go on a birthday vacation with your crazy ex-girlfriend? NO!
Once Kristen andJames Kennedy split, Kristen lost her place on this show – we’re now just seeing a regurgitated storyline of everyone fake-forgiving Kristen and unconvincingly acting as if they want to be her friend so Bravo can justify the antics she may cause. It’s super-phony. James is the new crazy-ass – let’s embrace that and hook Stassi Schroeder and Kristen up with a little Pump Rules Scorned Spinoff instead. Because Kristen pretending she wants forgiveness and has really changed; she’s too bad an actress to convince anyone of that. And furthermore her hitting the club for Jax Taylor to teach her how to avoid players while she makes creepy-Hunchback of Notre Dame faces was cringeworthy. Likewise I am tired of watching Tom 1 and Ariana Madix freakout, whine, and tantrum over Kristen.
The bad news is, it’s another name. Actually, it’s TWO names this time.
The goods news is, it is not nearly insane as Stassi Schroeder‘s name, when Jax and Stassi weren’t even together at the time, as Carmen Dickman‘s name, when Jax and Carmen had only been together for a minute, or as the creepiest of all, a face that looked like a Stassi-Carmen hybrid. So whose names did the Vanderpump Rules star get tattooed on his body this time?
Birthday girl Ariana Madix was all about unicorns and rainbows and sparkly wands this week on Vanderpump Rules. Except when she was crying, or trying to get her boyfriend to codependently take care of her, or casually not inviting certain members of the SUR staff to her hipster bouncy house party!
Reflecting on her “epic” birthday party, Ariana divulges a surprise move Tom Sandoval undertook to make her special day even more special. “Tom surprised me at my party by flying in my best friend Whitney of 10 years who had never been to LA to visit before. She and my friend Meredith hid inside a two-person horse costume and after doing an adorable little performance, Tom and Meredith unveiled that Whitney was in the head of the costume. My friend Lindsay Hand also surprised me by flying in. I was surrounded by so many people who mean everything to me and I got to do flips on a bungee trampoline with sno-cones at the same time!”
Last night on Vanderpump Rules it was a birthday bonanza! First Ariana Madix channeled her inner child with a potent cocktail of tequila, tears, and trampolines. Then Peter Madrigal channeled his inner manhood with a potent cock-tail of bulldozers, booze, and booty touching in Vegas. Aaaahhh… ain’t nothing like a little boy bonding.
Ariana throws the most major of epic pseudo-kids birthday parties. It was pretty much exactly the same party Kyle Richards throws for Portia, minus the Fat Burger truck, plus an open bar. Ariana rented a bounce house, trampoline, piñata, silly string, face painters, etc. She’s also wearing a bizarre unicorn horn, dangerously protruding from her forehead. It distracts from her side-eye, because it’s like a very pointy third eye. A very pointy third eye aimed directly atTom 1‘s shenanigans. Concerns: what happens when one mixes a unicorn horn with an inflatable bounce house? Somebody’s bubble is about to get burst!
If you missed it, James and Lala were guests on WWHL last week and they were swearing up a storm, causing a good chunk of the episode to be bleeped out and forcing Andy to name the duo as his Jackhole of the Day.
The censor got really carried away – not just bleeping the curse words, but the entire sentence before and after, which really killed the show. So, while it is James and Lala’s fault for the way they acted and the things they said, the bleeper should take some of the blame, too! They didn’t have to get so heavy handed about it!
We have a new batch of reality star sightings for you this morning! Above: Lala Kent and James Kennedy, (who are currently occupying the top 2 spots on Santa’s Naughty List) were snapped as they made their way around NYC this week to promote Vanderpump Rules. Including an unforgettable appearance on Watch What Happens Live.