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Vanderpump Rules

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It's time to round up the reality TV viewer numbers for the past two weeks! 

Ratings wise, Real Housewives of Atlanta was Sunday's top cable telecast, with 3.827 million fans tuning in for the Savannah trip. That's a new season high. 3.677 million watched last week's Chuck drama. Also on Sunday, Sister Wives returned this week, and 2.410 million couldn't resist Kody's charms

Love & Hip Hop returned after a two week break to a much smaller audience. Only 2.386 caught Erica Mena and Rich Dollaz discussing their relationship – that's down over 500,000 since early December and nearly a million since early November. Will it bounce back in January?

Both Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules slipped Christmas week, but they bounced back this week. Just over 2 million watched Brandi and Joyce's showdown on RHOBH. Their catty girl drama continued on Vanderpump Rules, resulting in a new season high (1.5) for the SUR crowd.

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“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season 4 and “Vanderpump Rules” season 2 Cross-over premiere

Delusion: party of one. Make that 2! Scheana Marie is possibly engaged and that calls for celebration – and the release of a new song, "Good as Gold." Is she talking about friendships or engagement rings?

The Vanderpump Rules star describes her future fiance as "no drama" and says that's what makes him bad for reality TV. "We just work," she gushes to OK Magazine. She beams when she starts talking about Shay, which is cute. Maybe there is something sincere about Scheana after all! 

Shay's other perk: "He's faithful." 

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Last night Vanderpump Rules crossed over with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and met their match with drunken shenanigans – almost. 

I have to say Jax Taylor was on fire last night with his one-liners. Is the dumb male model thing an act? Nah… I think Lisa Vanderpump was feeding him lines. 

Lisa tasks a select bunch of SURvians with hosting a very special elite dinner party filled with important guests. I don't know why she was acting like the over-botoxed trashboxes of RHOBH are anyone special, but I guess she gets paid to act accordingly. 

The specialtons are Stassi Schroeder, Jax, Tom 1, Ariana, and Katie Maloney. Peter Madrigal gets to play the role of hot overlord. OK – so he's the manager, aka adult babysitter. 

Working with your friends is fun – except when your friends don't act like friends! Tom is all pissy-panties that Jax has been spreading rumors that he hooked up with Ariana in Vegas three years ago. Tom complains that Jax gossips and lies about his friends but then apologies. Basically Jax is male version of Stassi then?

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Oh for peet's sake Stassi Schroeder needs to be on meds. She is categorically insane. I mean she must have her own category in the DSM-V. 

Last night on Vanderpump Rules the fallout from last week's drunken disclosures continued! So Katie Maloney got like super wasted and her hair turned an even more obnoxious shade of bronze and she also repeated a rumor that Jax Taylor and Kristen Doute slept together when he and Stassi were broken up. 

This turns Stassi all shades of paranoid as she starts speculating whether or not the rumors are true. All her 'friends' hoping to replace Kristen whip out their secret stash of bash books to speculate that Kristen could do something like that - and not only that, she would do something like that. 

Stassi claims the proof is that Kristen isn't over-reacting when confronted. Maybe because Kristen heard through that same rumor mill that Jax has syphoghonaherphilitis (allegedly) and ain't nobody got time for that! 

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It's time to breakdown who watched what this week. 

On Sunday, 3.471 million viewers watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta prepare for a trip to Savannah. That's down over 300,000 from last week. Are RHOA fans growing tired of Mama Joyce drama?

On Monday, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills broke the two million mark for the first time this season, with 2.012 million checking out the train wreck that is Brandi Glanville this season. Then 1.469 million forgot to change the channel sat through Peter Madrigal's 30th birthday party on Vanderpump Rules.

On Tuesday, 1.274 million listened to Reza Farahan & Mike Shouhed whine about each other on Shahs of Sunset. In case you missed it: Reza shaved off his mustache while taping a segment for Bethenny!

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Last night tables turned wildly on Vanderpump Rules when one drunken girl proved that loose lips do in fact sink friendships of convenience with co-workers you don't really like!

Before any of that happens we are treated to the tragic sighting of Stassi Schroeder's a$$. No, no I didn't write "Stassi being an a$$" or "Stassi is an a$$", but literally Stassi's a$$. She spread her cheeks for a bikini waxing. Decency is dead, folks! Apparently the best way to cleanse yourself of the ex you don't really want back but want to keep manipulating is to go hairless!

Stassi makes Katie Maloney go with her but Katie has never waxed. Katie never will again. It's taken me forever to figure out why Katie, whom I refer to as Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, would dye her hair that unflattering color – and then it hit me. She's literally trying to be Stassi. Same hair style (but shorter), same side part, same color-ish, same mean girl antics. #FalseIdol

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real-housewives-of-atlanta

This week's reality TV viewer numbers are in.

Ratings wise, Real Housewives of Atlanta was Sunday's top cable telecast, with 3.777 million fans tuning in for the ongoing drama surrounding Kandi and Todd. That's a new season high for the ladies of Atlanta. Congrats! 

Monday night's shows are holding steady. Tara confronted Peter on Love & Hip Hop, which logged 2.953 million viewers this week.  And 1.848 million followed the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to Palm Springs and 1.383 million watched the Vanderpump Rules crowd walk the Gay Pride parade

Bravo tortured us with two (too many) episodes of Shahs of Sunset this week. An impressive 1.977 million tuned in on Sunday, thanks to RHOA's lead-in, but only 1.2 million came back for more drunken shenanigans on Tuesday

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Yesterday the cast of Vanderpump Rules hopped on a parade float to act atrociously on slow-motion wheels. The result was horrific. 

Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump preparing for the annual SUR gay pride parade float which cues the return of Kevin Lee who was remarkably subdued this episode. Did he get a lobotomy or were Stassi Schroder and Scheana Marie too annoying for me to notice? 

Lisa has a meeting in her backyard to let everyone know they'll be impersonating angels on the float – all the boys are wearing Victoria's Secret fashion show cast off wings and Scheana will be shaking her angel-ish-ishy a$$ in a pair of micro-wings. Oh and she'll be singing. "Singing". She's overjoyed. Everyone else dies a slow sinking death. 

Every time Scheana autotunes a note, an angel looses its wings and falls from grace! Lisa holds a staff meeting to inform her little devils that they will be undertaking the acting role of their lifetimes. Oh and to remind everyone that Ariana is here to stay and all the rumors better hush-hush or Lisa will force them all to go to hell, which is Stassi's house when she's out of wine and stabbing her Jax Taylor voodoo doll repeatedly and having flashbacks of her pre-chinplant days. The. Horror. 

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