Vanderpump Rules

Ariana Madix

Last night on Vanderpump Rules there were boobs, butts, and bad friends galore. You know, the usual! 

It’s official I cannot stand Scheana Marie! Her ‘Nu-Stassi‘ routine is pathetic; she’s a totally disloyal, whiny, shit-stirring, biatch who needs to stop taking makeup tips from My Little Pony. Lord with those false eyelashes – you could practically fly with those things! In fact maybe that’s an idea – fly, fly away, Scheana. Take Kristen Doute with you. 

Tom 2 and Katie Maloney are celebrating their engagement, which included burned taquitos sexytimes. Stassi Schroeder sent Katie a phony text congratulating her and whining that she wasn’t a part of it. Poor Stassi – she ditched all her friends but now is sad they don’t like her anymore. Poor Little Bitch Girl Problems!  

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Vanderpump Rules stars Kristen Doute and Scheana Marie

Kristen Doute and Scheana Marie were Andy Cohen‘s guests on Watch What Happens Live following tonight’s rather gross episode of Vanderpump Rules. Seriously, if this show gets any raunchier, it is going to have to move to Cinemax After Dark with Scheana’s Femme Fatales. 

Andy asks Kristen if she wants to say anything about Lala Kent‘s “less than” comments about James Kennedy‘s penis. “I think Lala would go for anything with a man situation, regardless of shape, size, or color.”

Next topic, Jax Taylor, who poops (this week) and lies (every week) on camera. Andy wonders if he’s passive aggressively trying to get Brittany Cartwright to regret moving in with him. “I know a couple of the episodes have bothered her,” says  Scheana. “I do not keep my mouth shut <understatement of the century> so I give her a head’s up on everything.”

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Scheana Marie 'The Night Before

Tonight Vanderpump Rules heads to Hawaii where apparently no one gets along. WHAT?! This group!? Sharing details on what’s to come yet this season, Scheana Marie dishes on friendship drama, the return of Stassi Schroeder, and why she and Ariana Madix are having issues.

Hawaii was drama from the get-go because Tom 1 and Jax bickered over the guest list – specifically whether or not Kristen Doute was invited

Ariana and I have a big disagreement unfortunately,” admits Scheana – but it’s SOOOO not Scheana’s fault! “You have to keep watching before you get mad at me and call me a horrible best friend” she warns. “It’s frustrating when you don’t get the whole story.” Best friend? I’m not even sure I’d call Scheana a friend at all at this point?

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Shann

With the Golden Globes taking place tomorrow night, gifting suites are running rampant in L.A.  On Friday afternoon reality stars hit up the 14th Annual HBO Luxury Lounge, including Real Housewives of Orange County star Shannon Beador and Vanderpump Rules stars Scheana Marie Shay and Pandora Vanderpump.  (aka Pandora Vanderpump-Todd-Sabo)

Shannon had some fun making a custom pair of DSW Converse sneakers with a wave print for husband David.  She revealed that he has taken up surfing as a new hobby.   Scheana Marie went with a feather design for her Converse.  Scheana also stopped by the Marc Jacobs Beauty suite for some make-up touch ups.  See the pics of the ladies below.

Sonja Morgan is defensive

Real Housewives of New York City’s Sonja Morgan is certainly juggling quite a few hats these days. The entrepreneurial diva is reportedly, now scouting New York City Upper East Side locations (of course) in hopes of finding a perfect locale for a restaurant she’d like to name Tipsy according to the New York Daily News.

Ahhh…but wait, Sonja has an ulterior motive for wanting to join the ranks of restaurateurs in the Big Apple…a reality show! An insider who spoke to the Daily News revealed, Sonja has aspirations of becoming another Lisa Vanderpump, the grand dame of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reality show fame. Lisa, who owns restaurants, also managed to snag a successful spin-off show, Vanderpump Rules, based on the shenanigans at one of her West Hollywood posh eateries, SUR. The insider states, Sonja is not wasting a precious minute to get her wheels in motion to pitch her reality show idea and has gone as far as, “hiring a producer and filmmaker to try to make a show based on it.”

Tom 2 and Katie Maloney's surprise proposal

It’s been a long time comin’ for Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney, but this week’s Vanderpump Rules finally served up the proposal Tom and Katie have been dancing around for four seasons. “Well well well. I did it. I sealed the deal. Put a ring on it. Great advice from Beyoncé by the way,” jokes Tom. 

Noting he had to “Schwartzify” his proposal setup, which included a fake proposal before the real deal went down, Tom explains, “Key elements to the proposal were surprise, not just for Katie but for everyone present, the perfect ring, great friends and a little quirk with the decoy proposal. The ring was really my anchor though. My ace in the hole. Even if I would have completely botched the proposal, the ring was so perfect that I couldn’t have failed.”

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Katie Maloney and Tom 2 get engaged

Last night on Vanderpump Rules, Tom Schwartz finally took the ring OFF the string and placed it on Katie Maloney‘s finger. Don’t worry – he’ll still be forever tied down to Tom 1

In cold hard realities, the “A” Tom 1 drunkenly tattooed on his ass stands for Adulting. Tom 1 spent 15 drunken minutes getting inked, but now wants his 15 minutes back. Ariana Madix escorts him to Dat Tat Off, the world’s most professional tattoo removal parlor, which is coincidentally managed by Kristen Doute‘s Machiavellian friend, who happens to be wearing black and white stripes. Tom 1 – forever imprisoned by Kristen somehow! Tom went there in the hopes of getting a ‘friend-ish’ discount. 

If they were a movie, it would be called, She’s [He’s] Just Not That Over You (The Tom and Kristen forever dysfunction story). True to form, Kristen’s friend is eager to view the self-inflicted damage Ariana caused Tom to enact. 

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Tom 1 freaks out, Tom 2 eats Pad Thai

On Vanderpump Rules there was bacon, and asses, and giant shrieky man-tantrums. Also Kristen Doute tried to pretend she had matured. 

I have a major bone to pick with this show. Let’s call it a reality check shall we, since this is supposed to be a reality show and all. Why are they still trying to make Kristen happen? Honestly – would any ‘real’ friend expect you to go on a birthday vacation with your crazy ex-girlfriend? NO!

Once Kristen and James Kennedy split, Kristen lost her place on this show – we’re now just seeing a regurgitated storyline of everyone fake-forgiving Kristen and unconvincingly acting as if they want to be her friend so Bravo can justify the antics she may cause. It’s super-phony. James is the new crazy-ass – let’s embrace that and hook Stassi Schroeder and Kristen up with a little Pump Rules Scorned Spinoff instead. Because Kristen pretending she wants forgiveness and has really changed; she’s too bad an actress to convince anyone of that. And furthermore her hitting the club for Jax Taylor to teach her how to avoid players while she makes creepy-Hunchback of Notre Dame faces was cringeworthy. Likewise I am tired of watching Tom 1 and Ariana Madix freakout, whine, and tantrum over Kristen. 

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