What say we about Vanderpump Rules except that these girls are seriously a mess. How any of them can possibly have boyfriends is a straight-up mystery to me.
Taking a break from Stassi Schroeder's ridiculous Jax Taylor entanglement – albeit a brief six second break – we are treated to the terminally insecure and immature Kristen Doute on a girlfriend tantrum bender.
Apparently everyone in LA is a part-time Sur employee and a maybe model/maybe hooker and they often live together and hook up. And sometimes when six degrees of Sur happens they run into each other at amateur staged for Bravo TV modeling shoots. Such would be the case with Kristen and boyfriend/concealer lover/musician/maybe hooker bedding Tom Sandoval.
Being Jax Taylor is a difficult thing. Being Jax Taylor means swatting away desperate hoards of single women grasping at you like vampires fighting over a corpse. Being Jax Taylor means everyone wants to get you drunk and force you to attend parties with them. Being Jax Taylor means all the guys idolize you. And being Jax Taylor means you are dating Stassi Schroeder which is a whole separate problem of its own. But at least she's hot and lets you crash at her place for free, right?!
Last night on Vanderpump Rules, Jax learned that if he doesn't want to buy his own TV and get his own place, he better listen to MamaStassi and grow up or sleeping in his car won't be a choice, it will be a lifestyle. Apparently grown ups aren't male models, either. Hasn't Stassi seen Zoolander? #BlueSteel
At 33, Jax is a former big thing in the world of male modeling but as he is no longer quite so young and pretty he's become kind of a small thing. However he doesn't seem bothered by this and seems content to sling drinks at Sur. Jax admits it's impossible to grow up when you're him and suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. Which doesn't sit well with his ever-patient, ever-loving Swedish Princess Stassi. Poor Jax – I mean it's hard to be dumb as a box of rocks and have a gasoline fight with your fellow male model friends while the camera rolls and the Le Tigre pout schmoozes the lens.
I can hear my mom's words of wisdom echoing in my ears…"If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you!" Granted, I've never cheated with–or on–anyone (but, well, there was high school. Does that count?), but it's advice that totally translates into the grown-up world. However, can we technically call LeAnn Rimes an adult? She's constantly tearlessly crying in interviews about never having the opportunity to be a child, so perhaps she's regressed. Regardless, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville is likely smug upon hearing this latest gossip.
A quick breakdown (as if y'all need it): Brandi's husband Eddie Cibrian cheated on her with SUR waitress Scheana Marie Jancan (that is no one's given name!). When Eddie then cheated with LeAnn, Scheana went to the press to complain about how heartbroken she was when her affair ended because Eddie found another mistress. High five, Brandi! You came out on top of this cluster for sure!
I don't know about you, but I find it very fishy that this news is coming to light way after it acutally happened. Funny how Bravo is trying to promoteLisa Vanderpump's(love her!) new show Vanderpump Rules on which Scheana plays a bullied, overly sexed, wannabe pop star waitress…It's what publicity stunts are made of, right?
Gracious though, when you read Sheana's interview, which occurred after her sit-down with Brandi, you'll shake your head and wonder if she has a publicist. Sheana is still taking shots at Brandi while playing the victim. Um, I'm sorry. I don't care how horrid the woman was whose husband you were bedding, you're still the other woman. She can call you names, and she can be mean to you. You slept with her husband! I'm speaking to Scheana in first person because she strikes me as the type of fame hungry girl that will read every blog written about her. Scheana, I'm not hating, I'm just trying to give you some sincere feedback. Oh, and by the way, NEVER record that breathy porn song you sang on Vanderpump Rules. The world, and iTunes, sends their thanks.
Let's discuss Vanderpump Rules, shall we. Or should I say The Stassi Schroeder Is Mean hour? Oh Stassi – she's such an angry little thing, isn't she. Vanderpump Rules is the tale of two delusional girls and their aspirations being far bigger than their aptitude. First up is Staaaaaasi, or queen of the blue micro minis.
Everyone's favorite descendent of a Swedish princess moved out to LA with the promise of stardom in her eyes. I mean after all , Stassi is like a 20th removed royal so naturally that should mean she'd arrive in Hollywood, announce: "Here I am!" and she'd be shoving Angelina Jolie off her pedestal, right? Unfortunately things didn't' work out that way.
Someone ought to tell Staaaaaaaaaasi that Swedish princess don't sling drinks – and they probably wear bras to work. I could be wrong as I'm only descendent of Scottish princesses and we always wear undergarments.
Tonight fans of Lisa Vanderpump get a double dose! The saucy British queen's spinoff Vanderpump Rules premieres tonight. Who is excited besides me? Or maybe just me, but who cares!! I'm like a Bierberette when it comes to Ms. Vanderpump; meaning I'm sort of overzealously in love with her to the point of ridiculous. Anyway…
In preparation for tonight's big show, Stassi Schroeder is dishing on what viewers can expect and why there is so much drama at Sur!
"Working [at Sur] is so different," Stassi tells The Hollywood Reporter. "Everyone wants to be actors, writers, models and singers." And apparently they also want to be dating and hooking up with each other. In the beginning of the seasons all of the major cast members (save for Lisa, of course) are in relationships with each other, but unfortunately it looks like the reality TV curse is applied and those relationships don't last!
As for her spinoff, Lisa says hard work and dedication are what made Bravo deem her worthy. It had absolutely nothing to do with fan love? “They wouldn’t have given me a spin-off that just shows me sitting on my fat butt at home,” Lisa says.