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Vanderpump Rules

“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season 4 and “Vanderpump Rules” season 2 Cross-over premiere

Whether you admit to liking it or not, Vanderpump Rules is a hit for Bravo. I mean who can resist the real world version of Mean Girls complete with Stassi Schroeder as the biggest bitch since Lila Fowler. Lord knows I love me some Sweet Valley High! Yes, still…

With the over-abundance of dysfunction, it seems the cameras cannot turn away. Jax Taylor shared on twitter that not only is the show still taping but that we can expect an expanded second season "14 episodes instead of 8 plus a reunion," he clarified.

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Here's an odd combination: men with breast cancer and burlesque parties for your boss. Or if you are a cast member on Vanderpump Rules it's all in a day's work!

Last night Lisa Vanderpump's business partner Nathalie decided to throw a surprise burlesque party for her husband Guillermo. Naturally they decided it was wholly appropriate for Stassi Schroeder and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, Katie Maloney to do a burlesque performance for their boss. Apparently those two loons took burlesque lessons a couple years ago, but they actually suck at burlesque and only took the classes so when they get drunk at the bar they can grind on each other to attract boys. 

Stassi suggests that she just shake her fake boobies and call it day. Luckily Nathalie has the foresight to hire real burlesque dancers and they will happily wear nipple tassels. Stassi looks down at her own boobies, realizes they're not nearly as perky and 3… 2… 1… begins stabbing Lari, Kari, and Scari (or whatever their names were) with a feathered headdress. 

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The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and ouch! Every show but Love & Hip Hop took a turn for the worse this week. One show even fell under one million!

The Real Housewives of Atlanta were competing with the American Music Awards, which garnered over 13 million viewers, this week.  3.295 million – a 402,000 drop – tuned in to see Phaedra confront Apollo about Kenya

Peter's baby mama/live-in girlfriend and side-chick/wife drama continues to be a big draw for Love & Hip Hop, with 3.184 million fans tuning in this week.

Not so lucky in the viewer department are Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (just over 1.6 million) and Vanderpump Rules (just under 1.3 million). Crazy! Circus schoolStassi and Jax's love story… what more do you people want?!?

Season three of Shahs of Sunset continues to be a disappointment to Bravo. Only 978,000 viewers bothered to watch GG and MJ go camping this week.

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Last night on Vanderpump Rules everyone was obsessed with cheating that wasn't going on. 

Things begin with Jax Taylor remembering that he probably would trade Stassi Schroeder in for another psycho. He's modeling for Kitson – male mooodleing is such chaaaaallenging work – especially when you have a famewhore girl model telling you how hot you look.

Actually what really happened is that she saw Jax's tat for Stassi and realized "easy mark" I could swoop in and have sex with this guy and he'd leave Psychossi for me in a heartbeat and then I'd get to be on TeeVee. ME! 

Despite wanting Stassi back, Jax is a little vague about whether or not he's in a relationship. I mean I guess it's hard to explain that you let some girl carry your balls around in a pseudo designer bag and then you go vacuum her apartment every single time she gives them a squeeze. I mean the average stranger might not understand the deep and beautiful nature of their love. 

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The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and they're all over the place. 

Good news: More than 3.6 million fans enjoyed Kenya's shenanigans on Real Housewives of Atlanta this week.  RHOA has gained over 600,000 viewers (so RHOM's entire fan base) in three weeks. And 1.402 million (up from 1.161) went to Lake Arrowhead with the SUR crowd on Vanderpump Rules.

Decent: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is holding steady with roughly 1.7 million viewers the past two weeks.

Bad news: Only 1.17 million bothered to watch MJ and GG's fight on Shahs of Sunset. Also, Peter's ongoing drama brought 3.052 million fans back to Love & Hip Hop this week, which is a 300,000 drop from last week. 

Reunions:  Part two of Real Housewives of Miami's bitch fest attracted just over one million,  while Teen Mom 3's check up with Dr. Drew garnered 1.249 million (10PM) and 1.070 million (11PM). See the season averages below.

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Oh Vanderpump Rules – why you make so many menz cry? Perhaps it's because I grew up in the south but I think a man should drown his tears in whiskey instead. Does that make me a cold-hearted biatch Stassi Schroeder?

Last night the gang traveled to LAKE ARROWHEAD, mythical kingdom of all things powerful and magical, or you would have imagined it was by the awestruck way the entire cast said the name over and over again! Jax Taylor is going to implore Stassi's mom to accept him so Stassi will be his girlfriend again. Stassi's mom is pretty much exactly like Stassi – only scarier and with worse hair.

The real reason they're going is so Jax can show Stassi his tattoo – ac-ci-dent-tal-leee, as he takes his shirt off on the beach. "What's that?!" she wonders grabbing his arm? For me… she gasps. 'Next I want you to get my vaj tattoo over your heart. Then I'll love you again. Maybe…' Stassi is slightly disgusted by the gesture but alas her ego explodes into a thousand cosmic rays of gloriosity – someone wants her enough to permanently mutilate their body. Jax and Tom 1 giggle in the bedroom over how well it went. Meanwhile Stassi complains to her mom about how desperate Jax is. 

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The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and all but one show saw an increase in viewership this week. The sole loser? Let's just say Vanderpump doesn't Rule. 

The crazy popular Real Housewives of Atlanta and Love & Hip Hop drew even larger crowds this week. 3.337 million watched the girl code madness on RHOA, which is up 229,000 from last week. The messy relationship drama on L&HH attracted 3.361 million, which is an increase of 414,000. 

Season eight of Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiered to over three million way back in June. Yes, June. Five months later, the season finale drew an audience of 2.33 million, making the season average 2.428 million viewers.

Malicious drama on the Real Housewives of Miami reunion attracted 1.074 million viewers. Part two of the reunion airs tonight on Bravo. 

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Stassi Schroeder is up to her same antics of systematically destroying everyone around her. Thankfully Vanderpump Rules favorite sociopath hasn't changed. Where are the proper authorities?

Last night Stassi cemented that Scheana Marie, briefly her friend, was once again her enemy. Stassi believes that Scheana is on an unrelenting quest to become her, to like BE Stassi. Which would mean Scheana also wants to be WITH Jax Taylor.

Speaking of Jax, I'd like to take an informal poll on how high we think his IQ is: 3? 8? Maybe 15 on a generous day? Despite being humiliated and constantly berated by Stassi he desperately wants her back. So desperately that he got a secret tattoo to prove his love. She maintains he isn't doing anything to earn her trust back except give her truly exceptional sex with lots of acrobatics and WWF maneuvers. #gag

Over at SUR things are still topsy-turvy. Strangely it's not decimating business so Lisa Vanderpump decides to install a new bar in the garden. With construction underway she now needs to find the perfect sexy bartender. Not Jax! Oh no – his crazy is old news slimy like fruit a couple days past the expiration date. Someone different… someone outside the incestuous cess pool. Someone like Katie Maloney's boyfriend Tom. Enter Tom 2. 

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