The Sister Wives are totally winning. They're able to run their fingers through Kody's luscious locks every four days – AND a whopping 2.415 million tuned in this week. That's nearly a millionmore viewers than last week! Kris Jenner becomes wife number five in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
Don't you love a good twist? Like a super dishy one? Well last night on Vanderpump Rules we got one!
Let's just cut to the chase – Jax Taylor admitted to banging Kristen Doute, not once – but twice! Oooooohhhhweeeee boy. And one of those bangs happened whileTom 1 (as in Kristen's boyfriend – the she's been freaking out over his cheating all season) was In. The. Next. Room. Say it with me now: escándalo! ES-SCAND-DAL-O!
Of course, one Stassi Schroeder, whose middle name is vendetta and whose first name is legally insane, is furious. She decides it's time to destroy Kristen's life as revenge. Isn't having the whole world know you banged Jax enough?! Apparently not! First order of business: gifting Kristen with a dildo dipped in acid to destroy her insides. Is this woman working for the Taliban yet?! North Korean dictators? I think I found her calling!
But what of Jax, you ask? What terrible fate befalls him? Well, for his honesty he is accepted into the group; folded in like a big ol' piece of cheese wrapped between two buttery warm pieces of bread. Finally – FINALLY – Jax has realized honesty really is the best policy. He gets all the attention he craves and a gold star for truth telling. Are you rolling your eyes? I so am! Apparently Jax is a dirty dog and he can't help his wandering peen, but Kristen she's supposed to be one of Stassi's revolving best friends.
Last night Real Housewives of the past and present sashayed and twirled down the red carpet at OK! Magazine's pre-grammy party in L.A.
Joanna Krupa stole the spotlight in this sheer and black gown that reminded of us the revealing dress that Paris Hilton wore the night before to Diddy's own pre-grammy party. (see below). Almost all of the ladies of Bravo (and a few VH1 stragglers) wore black, except for Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore, who opted for a purple number. Last night was also Kenya's birthday and we'd be willing to bet her evening included a little birthday toast over the news of Apollo Nida's criminal charges.
On Sunday,Real Housewives of Atlanta logged 3.695 million viewers. That's down from last week's 4.187 million but enough to make RHOA the top cable telecast (ratings wise) of the night. Not at the top? Keeping Up with the Kardashians! Season nine premiered to 2.569 million on Sunday and 2.142 on Monday. Ouch! Sister Wives saw a significant drop (2.0 to 1.44) this week.
On Tuesday, Teen Mom 2 returned for its fifth season, to the dismay of many Reality Tea readers. However the show garnered 2.756 million viewers and was the top cable telecast (ratings wise) of the night. Also, Dance Moms was watched by 2.010 million, and Shahs of Sunset saw its second lowest number of the season with 1.054 million.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules some girls got diamonds and some girls got called a c-u-next-tuesday near the loading dock in the back of a restaurant. Some girls have all the luck… and some girls, well, some girls bawl their eyes out next to the dumpster.
Kristen Doute's season-long crusade over Tom 1's cheating continued, but there was a twist! A big ol' twist. The twist was: after throwing a man-trum and berating Jax Taylor for lying and ruining his life, Tom 1 confessed that he did actually kiss Ariana in Vegas. Not behind the port-a-potty but in the pool of a low-rent hotel. Same difference!
Perhaps Tom 1 was undergoing electro-shock therapy and a in the course of rediscovering joy, he remember the blissful drunken kiss in a Vegas swimming pool under flashing lights that spelled out "Destiny". Or perhaps Kristen waterboarded him with gin mixed with Axe Bodyspray into confessing. Whatever the case, Tom 1 makes a liar of himself and Ariana too. But not Jax!
Breaking news! Vanderpump Rules star Jax Taylor was spotted wearing a sweater! Kristen Doute and Tom Sandoval are in a healthy, thriving relationship! Okay, so maybe one of those statements is true, but really, how shocking is it to see Jax sporting a chunky cardigan?
Stassi Schroeder's ex is doing his best to move on while his former (I'm guessing from the previews of next week's episode) friend and his lady are bucking everyone's advice and opinions by staying in a co-dependent, tension filled relationship built on lies and distrust. Good times at SUR, right?
TheVanderpump Rules crew is still in Cabo celebrating our day of national reckoning; a day where dysfunction is recognized as a peril in great need of attention.
This day is also known as Stassi Schroeder's birthday. While in her mind this day is as important as the day of Jesus' birth, for the rest of humanity it is a day that we remain buried under our covers and asking where it all went so wrong. I blame her mother – it's always the mother's fault, right?!
Anyway things in Cabo are going bad, bad, bad because right in the middle of Stassi's birthday dinner, before anyone remember to order Stassi an appetizer or a drink, Katie Maloney and Tom 2 erupt into an argument about who's more of a moron. Can we call a draw?
Katie flees the table in what can only be described as a pair of pantyhose recycled into a dress. It was a flesh-colored poncho, it was frightful. Maybe it was flesh eating and that explains her sheer stupidity as her brain was a casualty of it's voraciousness. Also it matched her hair.