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Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago was yet another party foul.  These women can’t get along to save their lives, although they aren’t nearly as tough as their original counterparts.  At all.

Christina Scoleri fancies herself a designer.  Watch out, Project Runway!  She invites Pia Rizza over to share her new creation.  Christina is designing a dress for Renee Fecarotta Russo.  Pia relives her altercation with Nora Schweihs while Christina can’t believe all of this drama is happening on the eve of her party.  Pia is sick of people disliking her for being a stripper.  She reveals to Christina that Nora also used to “dance.”  Christina is floored to learn that Nora used strip, she doesn’t think she made much money.  While Pia has issues with Renee, she is willing to hang out with her at Christina’s party. Christina isn’t willing to throw Nora under the bus quite yet, because Nora hasn’t done anything to her.  Pia cusses up a storm.  Should be a great party!

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Oh gracious.  Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was just as crazy as usual with the fighting, and the name-calling, and the fake, scripted situations.

K. Michelle heads over to Ariane’s apartment to have drinks with Ariane and Mimi Faust.  Mimi reveals that she’s met with Joseline who confessed she was pregnant with Stevie J‘s baby.  She is crying and angry, especially at the fact that when Stevie met up with the pair he had Joseline’s pregnancy test in his pocket.  She wants to move forward with her life.  Mimi is sick of Stevie saying one thing to her and then doing another.  K. Michelle, and of course Ariane, think she’s finally gaining some sense when it comes to her deadbeat boyfriend.

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Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right?  I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness.  Fabulous.

After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen.  Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone.  Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever.  She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents.  Maybe she’s my favorite.  Gah!  The choices.

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I don’t mean to be a broken record, but could VH1 be any more obvious?  Hair-pulling bar fights are now tempered with a “non-violent” episode.  How stupid do you think I am, VH1?  Well, last night’s Mob Wives Chicago had no violence, but just wait till next week!   The women b*tched and moaned about one another, but there was thankfully no slapping or hair tugging.  I am at a loss for words.

Nora Schweihs welcomes Pia Rizza in for a glass or three of wine.  Nora is reliving Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s attack.  Pia is upset that Nora still wants a friendship with Renee.  Nora’s account of the pair’s fight is much different from what I watched, but apparently Nora thinks she was the instigator and the stronger fighter of the two.  Nora makes the mistake of telling Pia that she’d rather strip than worry about Renee.  Pia laughs at the comparison, but she doesn’t call out Nora on her verbal ridiculousness.  I mean, after all, Pia is dancing.  All the time.  On a pole.

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R. Kelly claims that the movie The Notebook inspired him to divorce his wife of 12 years, Andrea Kelly.

How in the world does R. Kelly connect the fictional love story between Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams to the demise of his real marriage?  Oh, read on, it’s worth every second.

In his memoir Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, the controversial R&B artist writes,  “As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. The Notebook was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together.”

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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was everything you hoped it would be…if you hoped it would scripted and ridiculous.

We rejoin Joseline and Stevie J hashing out baby-gate.  He thinks there is no way the baby can be his…it would be bigger.  Oh please.  Joseline threatens to take him for half of what he has, to which Stevie grabs his crotch and tell her she can have half of it.  Otherwise, she can go back to where he found her.  Wow.  I am surprised more women aren’t falling over themselves to have a chance with this winner.

K. Michelle is working with producer B. Cox to do a showcase to introduce her to local record labels.  She admits to going slightly crazy at Jive, so B. Cox tells her she needs to be shaking hands and kissing babies…not screaming in the lobby of labels.

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Hollywood Exes follows the lives of five beautiful and talented women who once lived the high life, married to elite stars. Now, such a pity, they have to drive themselves and work to pay their mortgages. Surprisingly, the women are all down to earth and likable. For now. Only time will tell if they turn this nice refreshing show into a catty nightmare. Refreshing is nice, but I’m finding the show somewhat boring.  Hopefully the story line finds a nice middle ground.

It’s official.  Jessica Canseco is planning on moving her ex, Jose Canseco, back into her house.  Because it worked so well for her the first time.  And, in the many years since, he’s proven himself a changed man.  Jessica is a hopeless romantic, idiot, all of the above…

She has very high expectations for this arrangement.  Jessica plans on making Jose clean, cook, drive, and parent Josie.  Basically, Jessica wants Jose to make up for the seven years he’s been MIA.  Oh, Jessica.  She’s delusional if she thinks Jose is looking for anything but a free ride and some action on the side.  Even Jessica’s friends see Jose for what he is, a freeloading creep. Nicole Murphy thinks Jessica would be better off hiring help. Nicole is a wise woman.

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Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago solidified my theory of VH1 shows.  From here on out, we’ll have a violent show, then a lovey-dovey episode, then more hair-pulling smack downs.  Such is life, right y’all?

Renee Fecarotta Russo is meeting Nora Schweihs and her friend Julie for lunch.  Renee isn’t chomping at the bit to hang with Nora, but she’s willing to put on a happy face since Julie is in town.  Nora is clearly still miffed about Renee flaking out early at her father’s memorial luncheon.  Nora goes into a diatribe about what a loyal friend Julie has been to her.  Renee wishes that Nora would stop being so passive aggressive and calls Nora a “moron.”  Nora reveals that she’s angry at Renee for being late to brunch, and Renee comes at her with guns blazing.  Renee loves to rock a fedora, doesn’t she?  She can’t believe that Nora is keeping a tally on who was there for what.  The conversation–and the lunch–is donezo.

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