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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was every bit the scripted guilty pleasure that it always is.

Joseline and Erica meet to discuss their fight.  Joseline apologizes for accusing Erica of sleeping with Stevie J.  Erica refuses to accept said apology and goes off on how she doesn’t like Joseline.  For once–and I am shocked to type this–Joseline is the bigger person and walks away from the conversation when she realizes there is no changing Erica’s mind.

Mimi Faust is packing up Stevie J’s belongings.  While she loves him, she just can’t stay with a man who is unfaithful.  I’m pretty sure she isn’t just learning this, but whatevs.  Ariane comes over to check on her friend, and she’s shocked that Mimi is actually biting the bullet.  Mimi reveals that she’s still very sad, and she would love for their relationship to work.  Basically, Mimi’s bottom line is Stevie is welcome back if he stops screwing with Joseline.  Clearly she doesn’t really care if he’s faithful, she just doesn’t want him to be unfaithful with the likes of Joseline.  Baby steps, I guess.

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Big Ang, don’t fail me now!

Ang’s husband Neil is getting a third chance, as Ang allows him to move back into her house.  He hopes his wife will welcome him home with a delicious dinner.  Ang is too busy being stressed by the amount of boxes he’s unloading.  She and her ginormous breasts tell Neil that third time has to be the charm or he’s done for good.

At her sister’s request, Ang goes to the cardiologist.  She says a lot of stuff that I think warrants subtitles.  I may have picked up on the fact that she has to monitor her stool at home, and Ang is appalled about having to place her poop (my word, not hers…duh) in the mail.  I hope I’m wrong.  She chats with her doctor and reveals that she’s there because someone mentioned that she looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.  Her doctor explains that her check-up was fine, but she really needs to quit smoking.  Judging on her voice alone, he can tell that she’s a longtime smoker.  Ang gets a huge kick out of this revelation and rewards him with a raspy laugh.  He warns her that a heart attack or cancer will be the least of her concerns if she doesn’t quit.  I think he may want her to lay off the tanning as well until I remember it’s of the spray variety.

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Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago was yet another party foul.  These women can’t get along to save their lives, although they aren’t nearly as tough as their original counterparts.  At all.

Christina Scoleri fancies herself a designer.  Watch out, Project Runway!  She invites Pia Rizza over to share her new creation.  Christina is designing a dress for Renee Fecarotta Russo.  Pia relives her altercation with Nora Schweihs while Christina can’t believe all of this drama is happening on the eve of her party.  Pia is sick of people disliking her for being a stripper.  She reveals to Christina that Nora also used to “dance.”  Christina is floored to learn that Nora used strip, she doesn’t think she made much money.  While Pia has issues with Renee, she is willing to hang out with her at Christina’s party. Christina isn’t willing to throw Nora under the bus quite yet, because Nora hasn’t done anything to her.  Pia cusses up a storm.  Should be a great party!

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Oh gracious.  Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was just as crazy as usual with the fighting, and the name-calling, and the fake, scripted situations.

K. Michelle heads over to Ariane’s apartment to have drinks with Ariane and Mimi Faust.  Mimi reveals that she’s met with Joseline who confessed she was pregnant with Stevie J‘s baby.  She is crying and angry, especially at the fact that when Stevie met up with the pair he had Joseline’s pregnancy test in his pocket.  She wants to move forward with her life.  Mimi is sick of Stevie saying one thing to her and then doing another.  K. Michelle, and of course Ariane, think she’s finally gaining some sense when it comes to her deadbeat boyfriend.

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Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right?  I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness.  Fabulous.

After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen.  Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone.  Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever.  She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents.  Maybe she’s my favorite.  Gah!  The choices.

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I don’t mean to be a broken record, but could VH1 be any more obvious?  Hair-pulling bar fights are now tempered with a “non-violent” episode.  How stupid do you think I am, VH1?  Well, last night’s Mob Wives Chicago had no violence, but just wait till next week!   The women b*tched and moaned about one another, but there was thankfully no slapping or hair tugging.  I am at a loss for words.

Nora Schweihs welcomes Pia Rizza in for a glass or three of wine.  Nora is reliving Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s attack.  Pia is upset that Nora still wants a friendship with Renee.  Nora’s account of the pair’s fight is much different from what I watched, but apparently Nora thinks she was the instigator and the stronger fighter of the two.  Nora makes the mistake of telling Pia that she’d rather strip than worry about Renee.  Pia laughs at the comparison, but she doesn’t call out Nora on her verbal ridiculousness.  I mean, after all, Pia is dancing.  All the time.  On a pole.

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R. Kelly claims that the movie The Notebook inspired him to divorce his wife of 12 years, Andrea Kelly.

How in the world does R. Kelly connect the fictional love story between Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams to the demise of his real marriage?  Oh, read on, it’s worth every second.

In his memoir Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, the controversial R&B artist writes,  “As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. The Notebook was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together.”

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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was everything you hoped it would be…if you hoped it would scripted and ridiculous.

We rejoin Joseline and Stevie J hashing out baby-gate.  He thinks there is no way the baby can be his…it would be bigger.  Oh please.  Joseline threatens to take him for half of what he has, to which Stevie grabs his crotch and tell her she can have half of it.  Otherwise, she can go back to where he found her.  Wow.  I am surprised more women aren’t falling over themselves to have a chance with this winner.

K. Michelle is working with producer B. Cox to do a showcase to introduce her to local record labels.  She admits to going slightly crazy at Jive, so B. Cox tells her she needs to be shaking hands and kissing babies…not screaming in the lobby of labels.

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