All of the Real Housewives of Orange County got to meet Lizzie Rovsek on Monday night's episode, and I don't think anyone was surprised at how she was welcomed into the group by Vicki Gunvalson, were they? There's nothing more attractive than a super catty, middle-aged loudmouth acting like the mean head cheerleader in an 80's romcom, is there? Of course, Vicki was just marking her territory as far as Tamra Judge is concerned, and something tells me (duh, the previews!) that Lizzie won't be too sad to cut ties with her new neighbor.
Admitting she doesn't have much to say in her Bravo blog, Lizzie begins, "I started writing this blog several different ways until I realized that I don't really have much to say or know what to say regarding this episode. Honestly, I didn't even know what to think after I watched it. I really didn't think Vicki would insult almost everything about me as she did. There are so many things to say and nothing to say at the same time," adding, "I don't pick people apart for the way they look or put down things that people have worked for in their life. Vicki says that it takes 'no skill' to be in a beauty pageant…Well, I tell you one thing it gives young women and that is confidence. And thank goodness I have some so I could handle the barrage of insults that came my way tonight."
Sure, she wastes gems by having them put in her teeth, she comes off as the world's biggest nag, and I am not NOT worried about the state of her marriage, but by God, I love Shannon Beador, and last night's Real Housewives of Orange County only affirmed my affections. Not only did she stay true to herself (I like that even though she enjoys spending time with Vicki Gunvalson, she wasn't shy about calling out her mean girl behavior to new girl Lizzie Rovsek), but she managed to make Heather Dubrow look like the ultimate twit (although given how the season has been going thus far, I'm not sure that's quite a feat).
In her Bravo blog highlighting last night's episode, Shannon begins, "I consider Dr. Moon a part of the family so I was really excited when Vicki agreed to see him with me. I love Vicki's spirit — she is open to anything, especially holistic and alternative therapies. Dr. Moon has a theory that when a person is "jammed," energy cannot properly flow through the body for optimum health. He will go through a process to 'de-jam' a patient and one of those areas to 'de-jam' is the tailbone. I know Vicki was joking around, but I want to be clear he does not put his finger in your rear end."
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County all swore they weren't menopausal. In an effort to prove this they all reverted to acting like 10th graders who had ditched their chaperone on the high school field trip! Woo Hoo! Let's be bitches.
Vicki Gunvalson and Shannon Beador have connected over their mutual crazy and empty love tanks. Shannon knows just how to temporarily fill hers and she's letting Vicki in on her little secret: Dr. Moon! They pay a visit to his office where Vicki gets acupuncture and demands to check her email because "work! work! work!" and relax-schmelax! She asks Dr. Moon when he's gonna fill up her love tank and he stuck his finger up her butt. I kid you not! Shannon said Dr. Moon "de-jammed it". I think I'd rather have an empty love tank…
Shannon and new bestie Vicki go get their nails done with Tamra Barney. "You need good nails," Vicki instructs. But apparently you don't need good plastic surgery or frizz free hair. Or good boyfriends. Tamra is still harping about this ugly sweater Christmas party and it was like so horrible having to wear a funky polyester themed sweater. My, my has she become snobby! Who does Tamra think she is – Heather Dubrow? Speaking of which, Tamra and Vicki complain about Heather's pretensions and arrogance. Shannon – so happy to have friends and so happy to feel loved and included (finally someone likes her besides vodka!) – decides she too has a problem with how condescending Heather is. I mean there was that one time Heather snickered about Shannon putting diamonds in her teeth.
Are any of the real housewives the first people you think about going to when you need financial advice? Probably not if we are talking about Teresa Giudice, Alexis Bellino or Lynne Curtain, whose financial pitfalls have taught us what not to do.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we met newbie Lizzie Rovsek, who definitely proved she's no trophy wife! Other newbie Danielle Gregorio hosted an Ugly Sweater Christmas party, which college kids have been doing since the dawn of Greek civilization. Instead of cranberry Jello shots, Danielle is serving cranberry champagne punch with very expensive 'champs', something that really chaps Heather Dubrow's notion of propriety. She's going to have to send Danielle an instructional guide to Champs, complete with illustrations.
Tamra Barney is pretty bent out of shape about having to participate in an ugly sweater affair – this coming from the woman who hosted an 80's themed Bunko party. "I'm not really into ugly," Tamra complains. I guess Tamra only supports ugly when it comes to her own ugly personality!
We're still at Shannon's dinner party and tensions are running high. I blame Shannon and her non-organic vodka and her totally toxic marriage, despite the efforts of radiation detectors. Where's the detector that detects the bad vibes Shannon radiates?! She's got everyone gripping their knives for protection and wondering when the next onslaught is going to come. At least the food was good – everyone talks about the food – and the house.
Heather is most on edge of all. Fancy Pants doesn't like the new girl with her shi-shi-shi house giving her a run for her fancy pants money. To assert her crown Heather starts taking it out on the little people. She tells Vicki to hush (which finally, somebody did!) and stop interrupting while Shannon tells her Unhappily Married Support Group opener about how she was the girl who could never be alone and then she married David because well, he said hey!
Vicki Gunvalson has been making decisions with her empty love tank. And unfortunately her mid-life crisis love tank is leading her to Brooks Ayers!
Despite everyone in her life seriously questioning her decisions in the romance department leading to family and friends ostracizing her and beau Brooks (is he not sending them enough affirming Hallmark cards?) the Real Housewives of Orange County star insists she has no regrets when it comes to the choices she's made!
"I can't tell you how difficult this has been having my daughter and myself continue to not see eye-to-eye on some very important issues," Vickiadmits in her Bravo blog.