Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills battle lines were drawn in the mythical sand using witches wands and Louboutins. Did I mention the witches were also wearing Louboutins, because yeah… Beverly Hills and all that.
So Brandi Glanville invites us all over to her bathroom to watch her take a bath while the editors blurred over her ladybits. Jennifer Gimenez stopped by because doesn't one always entertain while they're naked?! They talk boys; Brandi and JR's relationship isn't going anywhere and Jennifer thinks he needs dumping.
Brandi goes on a date with JR where she confronts him about not ordering a drink first and oh yeah – taking a couples trip to Texas without 1/2 of his coupling. That half being her! Apparently JR was with all his friends, who are couples, but he didn't want to bring Brandi.
JR is pretty unapologetic about the whole thing and it triggers Brandi's "trust issues" since in case you have been living in a black hole or on Mars and weren't aware, Brandi was cheated on you guys. She was like SO cheated on and like she needs to discuss it forever and ever and ever and ever because she apparently doesn't have anything else going on besides Botox and drinking.
Brandi Glanville sometimes has a hard time keeping her comments to herself. But what's a girl to do when she has so many comments to make?!
Last week Brandi's potty mouth got her in trouble with Yolanda Foster when she took it upon herself to gossip about Yolanda's ex-husband Mohamed Hadid and his alleged extramarital affair with Joanna Krupa. But oh no, Brandi did not stop there! She then gave us some extreme potty mouth when she discussed Joanna's nether regions. I'll never look at shellfish the same way again…
"I have met most of these women only once and consider them friendly acquaintances — but I don't actually know any of them personally other then Lea Black," Brandi says of the Real Housewives of Miami cast. "Yolanda and I had both heard that this woman from RHOM had an affair with her ex during their marriage. While at a Bravo party this other woman started to walk up to me — and when she saw Yolanda turned and ran the other way."
A source told E! News the "intimate party" included friends Jennifer Gimenez and former beauty queen Adrienne Janik (who was briefly rumored to be a contender for joining RHOBH) and Brandi's on-again/off-again realtor boyfriend J.R. "All in all, it was just a really nice dinner. Everyone, especially Brandi, had a good time."
Brandi wants to take digs at Lisa? Whatever. She's not about to lower herself to Brandi's level. Brandi wants to bad-mouth one of Lisa's best friends? Hold up. Lisa's not about to let her get away with that nonsense.
Reflecting on this week's episode Yolanda discusses her treatment for neurological Lyme disease and also the treatment of some of the Housewives towards each other.
"I am the shell of the woman I used to be so the hardest thing for me is to accept my limitations and deal with the feeling of inadequacy due to not being able to do all that I used to," Yolandawrites in her Bravo blog. "I truly miss me being me!"
You know what they say about Splits? She's always got a leg up on a table the other ladies! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Kyle Richards is playing a delicate game of chess with old and new frenemies and making sure whatever she sees on an episode goes into her blog to make her the underdog. I will say that Lisa Vanderpump's edit isn't helping matters, but Kyle will never be the victim, no matter how chummy she gets with Brandi Glanville or whether she's able to prove that Yolanda Foster is a big fat liar!
In her Bravo blog, Kyle recaps the episode for us, and she starts off very tame. She begins, "Seeing Yolanda sick like that really makes one appreciate their health. You can see how weak she feels and hard that must be for a strong woman like Yolanda. Without the support and love of family it would be be so much more difficult to go through that. She is fortunate to have such strong support system," adding, "When Brandi was moving into her house and said she needed her mommy, I could SO relate! I always say that. Unfortunately, I don't have mine anymore but still always feel that. Brandi is so lucky to still have her mom and they seem to have a loving, fun relationship." Cue the violins!
Adriana claims Brandi Glanville gave her the scoop. Something Brandi confirmed on WWHL later that night. She also confirmed that Mo and Jo definitely cheated. Which of course caused a twitter storm of denial and outrage! Mo admits that he did cheat on Yo, but not with Jo. And Jo denies ever sleeping with Mo at all (yeah right!). Both called Brandi-wine a liar.
"Had nothing to do with our split.Stop this rumors. Friends for 10 years.U got to stop.yolanda never ever found us sleeping together," Mohamed tweeted, explaining that he didn't meet Jo until after his divorce from Yo.
Of course in the cold light of day and away from the fog of alcohol, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star seems to be regretting her all too candid admittance on someone else's behalf.
Last night things were starting to settle in on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Everything that is except Carlton Gebbia who really cannot f–king deal with anyone and is over everything. Oh and Brandi Glanville's face – that's not settling either. She better watch it or she'll be turning into her arch-nemesis Adrienne Maloof!
Unfortunately the show began on a sour note. Poor Yolanda Foster is bravely taking us through her health journey battling Lyme Disease, which sounds horrible. I am seriously never going into the woods again. No, No, No!
Lemanda is undergoing surgery to remove a tube that sends antibiotics straight to her bloodstream and to celebrate she's doing a master cleanse instead of having a drink. I will never understand - pass me the alcohol! Gawd, do I sound like Brandi. #EpicFail. Even Yolanda's housekeeper is master cleansing and dividing all the lemonstrocity juice into a million Fuji bottles. Lemon does know how bad that is for the environment, right?