To be honest, the most pressing question that I hoped would be answered on last night’s Dance Moms reunion was if Lifetime just couldn’t afford to film a new intro sans Kelly Hyland and daughters Brooke and Paige…not that I mind seeing them each week, but it’s a bit strange. Right off the bat, Jeff Collins needs some matte powder to go with his newly darkened hair. Is he sweating from the stage lights or the guilt he feels for constantly promoting Abby Lee Miller? Speaking of, Jeff has Abby solo on the couch, and he applauds the Nationals win and questions how Abby feels about Chloe’s fifth place finish being the best solo number in the ALDC. Abby cites fierce competition as the reason…well, that and the fact she didn’t put Maddie in to compete. Wait, I thought Maddie refused when asked (you go, girl!). Abby then talks about Kendall’s disappointing routine in light of how strong she was last year as Jill gestures violently backstage via picture in picture. Abby’s all “I told you so” as the paid audience laughs.
Speaking of the new select team, Abby reminds Jeff that they were brought in solo to motivate her original girls. Plus, she needed to find a Maddie replacement since Maddie is super busy being an international video star…all thanks to Abby of course. Did I mention that Abby is in the business of making stars? I didn’t have to because she mentions it…multiple time. Maddie joins the two on stage and Abby brags about Sia contacting Maddie via Twitter. Maddie reveals that she learned the Chandelier dance in two short hours. That is impressive. Abby then plugs her book while teasing about another Maddie opportunity with Sia. Maddie exits stage left as Holly is brought on to discuss how vocal she was this season in regard to Abby’s favoritism. Jeff revisits Holly’s tally board of the insults to her other dancers, and Abby’s insults to Nia. Abby laughs like a Disney villain as Holly tries to explain her stance. Abby then claims that Nia won her solo because Abby put her with choreographers that would nurture in all in an effort to prove Abby wrong. She takes credit for everything. I can’t even listen without getting miffed.
Thankfully, Jeff interrupts their squabble to showcase the girls’ tribal council group number which is just as good as it was the first time around. After, Abby and Christi’s fight at Nationals is revisited, and Lifetime once again cuts out Abby’s response about fixing Chloe’s eyes. Abby plays the victim, saying that Christi goes for the jugular and refuses to make Chloe’s dancing career a priority. When Christi arrives on stage, she claims that the fight was based on Abby calling out Chloe’s technique and being mad that she beat Kamryn. Christi reminds Abby that she hates on Chloe in an effort to get to her mother. Without a chance to respond, Jeff introduces Maddie’s solo that Kendall and Chloe were given the chance to understudy. The girls perform it as a graceful trio. For once, though, I am not looking forward to the dancing, and I am upset that everyone seems so censored.
Before Melissa joins the stage, Holly and Christi accuse her of trying to get her daughters ahead at the cost of their friends and common decency. When Melissa arrives, she can barely get a word in edgewise between Christi whining and Abby talking for her. Christi and Holly believe that Melissa favors Maddie to the detriment of MacKenzie. Melissa doesn’t have much of a response except for copious eye rolls. Jeff wonders why Melissa gets the brunt of the other mothers’ aggression. When Christi tries to speak, and Abby interrupts, Christi admonishes her for not learning respect from her parents. Abby responds, at least I HAD two parents which is the most middle school dig I have heard thus far this season. Instead of letting the women go at it, Jeff brings out Jill to give her opinion.
Jill questions why Maddie would have a special solo practice if she wasn’t going to be performing a solo at Nationals. Melissa reminds the moms that Maddie refused the solo to which Holly retorts that Maddie had more sense than her mother. In an effort to prove that Melissa doesn’t favor Maddie over her sister, Jeff plugs Mack-Z’s newest video which was produced by–you guessed it–Abby. It’s 20 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. I knew I should have fast forwarded.
The concept of the new team is discussed, and Abby defends herself to the moms who complain about the time taken away from their daughters. Christ-y is clearly the most memorable of the new moms, but she’s not in attendance because of how her daughter was treated at Nationals. Abby thinks Christ-y is a wackadoo, and the other moms don’t disagree. Tami (whose name I never bothered to learn) struts on stage to rehash her physical altercation with Christ-y, which, by the way, she totally started. The original moms believe that Abby didn’t hold the new moms to the same standards (since when is not being violent a standard?) as their counterparts. Chloe then performs right after Abby applauds the fact she was booted from Nationals the year prior due to her mother’s unsavory behavior.
The remaining select moms are on the sofas, and they are on the attack. Oddly enough, instead of banding together against the common evil, the original moms are out for the new blood to the point where they almost seem to be Abby’s cohorts. Abby and the moms focus on Jeanette…you may recall that her Abby was so hateful to her daughter Ava. Jeanette yells that Abby told her multiple times to do whatever it took to get rid of Christi and Chloe. Instead of being upset with Abby, Christi turns on Jeanette. Abby screams that Ava doesn’t have the talent before Jeanette storms off stage. These mothers are still anti-Jeanette, and I can’t even figure out what’s going on to save my life. Can’t they all just channel their anger towards the one person deserving of it?
I have to give Jeff credit. He segues beautifully into a number by both teams, cheerfully stating that while the moms may not be able to get along, the girls can all still dance together with nary a problem. What the hell am I watching? Not the dancing…the insanity! In the last three minutes, Jeff brings out Cathy to bring up Sia-gate. Between Melissa’s eye rolls and Abby’s dismissive behavior, Cathy’s Kate Gosselin hairstyle can’t get even get in a word. We’re treated to a video montage of Cathy/Abby vile hatred which clues me into the fact that this reunion must be a two-parter. Please no! Abby then announces that she’s starting a full service studio in Los Angeles for dancing, acting, and music. Wait, what? No part two? It’s like Christmas has come early. Seriously, what was that?
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE REUNION? DID YOU THINK IT WAS RUSHED? IF SO, ARE YOU FINE WITH THAT ASSUMPTION IF IT MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO ANY MORE? 😉
[Photo Credit: Lifetime]
