Sometimes a Housewife has a really bad day. This week’s episode of the Real Housewives of Potomac was Robyn Dixon’s turn. Robyn is like a boxer who comes out swinging and yelling at the opponent “Hit me!” with her chin sticking out. And when they do it, she’s shocked and can’t understand why they came at her.
We start back at last week’s press conference where Karen Huger is deflecting questions and declaring that she is shutting it down. Robyn is still yelling at Karen to tell the truth. Gizelle Bryant takes one last swing at Karen on the way out by showing the back of her t-shirt that says, “#freeuncleben” and “#taxreform”. Karen yells that Gizelle is tacky as hell, and I have to say it wasn’t Gizelle’s finest moment. Monique Samuels decides that Gizelle came to clown around and looked like a clown in her 99 cent shirt…and Robyn follows. Karen and her assistant get in the car to leave, but Robyn has to take one last dig at her. She taps on the window of Karen’s car and asks, “Why are you so mad?” Come on Robyn. We all know you aren’t that dense.
The next morning Candiace Dillard and soon to be husband, Little Chris (not to be mixed up with Monique’s Big Chris) are trying to wake up and face the day. Candiace is finger combing his beard (eew) and basically bugging the crap out of him. He’s flailing around trying to stop her. Plus, she has really bad morning breath and he’s is not afraid to tell her. This would make most of us run and brush, but not our Candiace! She blows into his face and I feel like this says a lot about her as a person.
Ashley Darby visits Monique’s house with six-pack in hand. Ashley knows what it takes to be a good guest! She and Monique discuss Chris’ upcoming 40th birthday party. Unfortunately, things haven’t improved with his mom, so she isn’t invited. They still haven’t spoken and Chris and Monique’s marriage comes first. Ashley is dealing with something similar. Michael and Ashley have paid her mom’s rent for a year with the stipulation that her mom break up with her boyfriend of 15 years. As any parent of a teenager will tell you, bribing them to break up with a bad boyfriend will not work. Just sayin’. Monique asks Ashley who she would choose: Michael or Mom? Unlike Chris, Ashley is unclear. This is getting way too serious, so the two start doing what I personally like the best about this show: talking smack. Their target is Candiace and her generic beauty pageant title. It’s fake y’all! Come on…raise your hand if you ever heard of Miss United States before you met Candiace! As if on cue, Candiace shows up and they all disrobe for “a swim” which apparently is code for smoking cigars and talking about the other ladies. Karen is Monique’s favorite which makes Ashley’s eyes bug out. I mean, what has Karen ever done to Ashley, (other than calling her an idiot last year)? Monique attempts to describe Robyn but only comes up with “She used to be married to Juan.” That pretty much sums up Robyn and it makes Ashley hide under her hat. She has felt the wrath of Robyn in getting into her and Juan’s business. Monique then really tries to sell the meetup between Candiace and Karen, Robyn and Gizelle by telling her that they are all old enough to be her mom. Is it in young Housewives contracts that they are obligated to point out people who have been on this planet longer? This is true in most of the franchises and it has to stop!
Karen and her 19 year old daughter Rayvin are at a spa together getting seaweed masks. It’s smelly and slimy, so it must work miracles. After the seaweed mask is removed, the two sip on their water and talk about the things the family is going through. Rayvin is the real deal daughter and this is why I can’t quit Karen. She has raised Rayvin so how bad can she really be? This family tax problem is very real to Rayvin, who looks like she is about to cry, and it makes Gizelle and Robyn’s actions and gossip seem so petty.
Speaking of Gizelle, she’s out shopping with her stylist, Kal. Her make-up line is successful and she loves paying her business taxes (suuuuuure she does). She’s shopping for a vacay to The Hamptons, so she will be missing Chris’ birthday party.
Over in Hanover, Robyn and Juan are cleaning their disaster of a garage. It’s like watching a home movie because this looks like 90% of the garages in America. Robyn is thankful they have moved to a larger home on their own terms and not the bank’s, which had foreclosed on their last house. But here’s the shocker: When they lost all their money to Juan’s shady friend, it was Robyn’s fault, not Juan’s! She apologizes to Juan about the bad investment and Juan says, “Don’t you wish you had listened to me?” What?? I always thought it was Juan that made the bad investment since it was his friend, but no! It was Robyn. Flashback to Ashley’s beach house season 1: Robyn tells the women about the bad investment, but it did seem at the time that it was all Juan’s fault. But that’s the past and Robyn is focused on the future. She is now flipping houses for a living. Hey when Robyn decides to truth bomb us, she goes with the cluster bomb. Of course, as a fan of HGTV, surely NOTHING can go wrong flipping houses. Robyn asks Juan to come with her to Chris Samuels’ 40th birthday party since there will be so many enemies old friends to see and the real love of her life Gizelle will not be attending. Robyn is still mad at Monique because at the reunion Monique insinuated that Robyn was beneath her. Plus there was something on Monique’s social media making fun of her. Juan tells Robyn that the women are all clowns and she should keep her distance. We all know at this point that Juan will be keeping his by not attending.
Have we all decided that Candiace is a handful? She is out wedding dress shopping with her mom and someone else who I have zero memory of who she is. If you know, let me know. Now Candiace wants a ball gown and her mom wants form fitting and lace. Mom is strong willed like Candiace and it’s a tossup on who will win this battle. Candiace comes out in her first dress, which is her pick, and OMG she loves herself in this one! She starts crying at how good she looks. Then in her talking head she starts crying again just thinking back on it. All I can hear in my head is a Saturday Night Live sketch where Candiace instead of Al Franken says, “I’m pretty enough, I’m thin enough, and doggonit! People like me!” Mom, on the other hand, Is. Not. Feeling. It! To placate her mom, Candiace tries on the form fitted lace dress. It looks good too and Mom is over the moon. Candiace hates it (of course).
Over in Arlington, Ashley and Michael are at OZ having dinner. Michael tells Ashley that they need to have more fun and then launches in the least fun conversation that can be had. In the same breath as we need to have fun he asks if she’s cut her mom off yet. So yeah, Michael’s a bit of an ass. He tells her that it’s easy, but Ashley says it is the opposite of easy. Bottom line, boyfriend isn’t gone and if he’s been there for 15 years, it’s going to take more than a 58 year old Aussie to make him go. But if he doesn’t go, it will affect Ashley and Michael’s relationship. Tricky.
It’s the night of Chris’ party. Robyn arrives with Charrisse Jackson, not Juan. Monique loves Charrisse, and they always have a good time. Of course, according to Charrisse, everyone loves her, except Karen. Bravo then flashes back to the reunion where Charrisse brings up Blue Eyes so we know that Ol’ Blue Eyes is going to surface at some point this year. Karen and Ray show up because there is nothing to hide from and they are fabulous people! Karen meets Candiace for the first time and the two really hit it off. Candiace is then introduced to Robyn and it almost looked like Robyn was asleep during the intro because there is no emotion at all. Maybe she was distracted and plotting which ‘friend’ she was going to eviscerate first. But before Robyn can have her way with the women, it’s toast time.
A couple of Chris’ Washington Redskins give funny and good toasts and then Monique gives a surprisingly short and sweet one. Finally, Chris’ dad commands the room with his soft and earnest comments. Unable to read a room, Michael walks up to Karen and Ray and says several times he wants to help them because of their tax problems. Ray looks like he’s about to punch him, and Karen speaks for us all when she says Michael needs to stay in his lane.
And here is where we get to Robyn’s complete meltdown. First she takes on Monique by calling out a situation with a fan page and a post that Monique liked. The fight was meh but Charrisse’s reaction to it was amusing. Since she no longer has to ‘bring it’ as a regular, Charrisse is free to be herself and she asks if this is a millennial thing. Monique leaves in a huff and Robyn and Charrisse head outside and run into Ashley. Robyn just doesn’t understand why people are coming for her. Ashley is like, “Oh come on!” Ashley then fills us in on all the juicy gossip. Juan went overseas and was in love with someone else. When that didn’t work out he called Robyn and asked to come home. She said yes IF he got his degree so he could coach. Ashley tells her he had a dream overseas but it didn’t work out so he came back to Robyn. That is no way to live your life. Just…wow. Maybe it’s truth, but it’s still pretty mean. Robyn tells Ashley that she’s shallow and needs to stop throwing the past in her face because she’s moved on! Clearly she hasn’t.
But before we can dig deeper into that, Monique comes out for round 2 with Robyn. Just when we can’t take much more, thank goodness for Chris who comes dancing into the scene to save us. Charrisse starts dancing too. Robyn says she is out and Charrisse, mid cha-cha, asks “Where’re you going?” Ha! By now Little Chris is bigtime drunk and he jumps into the Samuels’ pool from the second floor balcony. Candiace is pissed, but what can you do? The crowd sings Happy Birthday to Chris and by all accounts, it was a successful party.
Tell us: Do you think Robyn got what she deserved? What should Ashley do about her mom?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV