On last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey Danielle Staub finally got her happily ever after…at least for a few months. The ladies wake up to the beauty of Bimini, and Teresa Giudice and brother Joe Gorga are finally getting along and bonding over some dumbbells. How appropriate! Margaret Josephs and husband Joe Benigno are also in tropical bliss. Melissa Gorga has foregone the weights for tanning oil to prep for Danielle’s bride squad photo shoot. Everyone is still reeling from Danielle’s comments about soon-to-be husband’s Marty Cafferty’s children. Margaret warns Joe to tread lightly if the guys take Marty out for some pre-ceremony bro shenanigans. Teresa calls Dolores Catania who isn’t the least bit sad she’s not included in nemesis Danielle’s big day. After hearing the previous evening’s dinner drama, she wonders if Danielle will even make it down the aisle.
Danielle is micromanaging her photo shoot, and I feel terrible for her beautiful daughters. The former housewife is disappointed that her tribe of bridesmaids isn’t constantly at her beck and call. Marge is concerned about being a girl that loves cheese in a group of skinny Minnies, and Danielle is peeved when Margaret refuses to take off her lacy pants. Thankfully she’s distracted by her desire to have a Baywatch strut photo and begins screaming out orders for that.
Last night we received a small reprieve from all the Gorga in-fighting on Real Housewives of New Jersey While Teresa Giudice still carries resentment for her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga, she has honed on Melissa’s volunteer mouthpiece Jackie Goldschneider. In case you didn’t hear her the first fifteen times she said it, Jackie isn’t scared of Tre. Teresa isn’t without her own henchmen thanks to loyal Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub, whose diva demands are finally making the show watchable, IMHO. Margaret Josephs “can’t even” with the bridezilla, which sucks for her since she’s the Matron of Honor. I am digging on Marge, Junior this season, for sure!
Margaret is hosting a brunch on her Studio 54 set in hopes of bringing back those positive vibes from last season…or two seasons ago…or five…wait, she just wants croissants. Melissa and Jackie are stewing over Tre’s ridiculous claims that wives should control their husbands about all things non-penitentiary related. Tensions are running high as Teresa arrives. Dolores has her friend’s back, but she’s hoping for a drama-free event as she’s really enjoying Melissa these days. The women joke about Danielle’s stripper fueled journey to monogamy, and Dolores cringes over being in the same room with her nemesis.
Oklahoma can finally breathe a much-deserved sigh of relief because the Real Housewives of New Jersey have finally retreated back to the Garden State. The festering animosity between sisters-in-law Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice is boiling barely beneath the surface. Newbie Jackie Goldschneider is seemingly choosing sides. Margaret Josephs is glad to give her friend and OK hostess a break after invading her home with rude, spray-tanned banshees. Of course, she cannot wait to tour Jennifer Aydin’s gauche Paramus Palace of Potties. SIXTEEN BATHROOMS (screamed in my best Dana “TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND!” voice)…
Y’all. LeeAnne Locken has stolen the show with her meditative bowls and never-ending dress situation. Sure, on the last season of Real Housewives of Dallas, LeeAnne was scaring us all with sordid details about the Round-Up and her murder hands. Lately, Brandi Redmond has actually made LeeAnne somewhat (somewhat, but not really) sympathetic to viewers. Not to mention, it was nice to see her getting along with Stephanie Hollman and finding an ally in Kameron Wescott as her friendship with D’Andra Simmons crumbled.
LeeAnne has a lot to say about Brandi’s behavior this season, and she finds it laughable that her nemesis could stir up trouble and start fights only to cry the victim card. Hmmmm…does that pattern sound familiar to her? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so perhaps LeeAnne should take Brandi’s boorishness as a compliment. Regardless, I cannot wait for the RHOD reunion tonight!
Real Housewives of Dallas was a rodeo of drama this season, and I absolutely adored every second of the cray. Whether it’s LeeAnne Locken’s finger-knives and infinity dress or Cary Deuber’s flip-flopping in the name of truth serum, it’s been a great season.
Brandi Redmond’s attempts to prove she doesn’t have a drinking problem may, in fact, cause a drinking problem, but at least she’s having fun, right? I kid. She certainly wasn’t having a blast at Stephanie Hollman’s frat party on last week’s finale. Instead, the pink pooch princess and her condescending nod stepped into Brandi’s party girl role…and into the foam pit. Revisiting the pitfalls of Dallas society (to which she’d never fall victim!). Kameron Wescott even has some kind words for D’Andra Simmons. Color me a pastel shade of shocked!
Brandi Redmond doesn’t seem to want to take the high road in her feud with LeeAnne Locken. The dueling divas from Real Housewives of Dallas took center stage at Cary Dueber’s Copenhagen caravan as well as Stephanie Hollman’s college mixer.
With D’Andra Simmons as her new ride or die, Brandi takes great offense to Kameron Westcott’s blind loyalty to LeeAnne. RHOD is one of my favorite Housewives franchises (don’t judge me!), but I prefer Brandi and Stephanie’s fun antics and disregard for Dallas society’s rules. This beef with LeeAnne isn’t a good look on Brandi. She’s doing a good job of making her nemesis look far less crazed than seasons past!
If the Real Housewives of New Jersey haven’t been banned from the fly-over states, it’s a corn shucking miracle! Poor Oklahoma is still dealing with the weaves and wackiness from last week’s episode as the ladies head off to a tense dinner. Margaret Josephs is happy to hear that Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga seemed to have smoothed over their argument…although Tre is unaware of how riled up Joe Gorga is after hearing Melissa’s rehash of the nasty breakfast. At the restaurant, Jennifer Aydin is talking about her ginormous house. She has to have an extra “wife” to cook and clean her seven bedroom house. She even has cameras in every room and she does random bag checks before the nanny heads out for the evening. Jackie Goldschneider finds it frighteningly hilarious that Jennifer trusts the nanny with her children but not with her collection of Chanel.
To change the subject, Margaret enlists the ladies in a game of two truths and a lie. Her statements: she used to fool around with her high school gym teacher, she’s only done cocaine once, and her ex-husband used to lock her in a closet when she made him angry. The women are surprised to hear her lie was the gym teacher. They can’t imagine feisty Margaret putting up with that in her marriage. No one believes Dolores Catania when she states she had sex with her ex-husband/roommate Frank Catania last week. Jennifer goes for shock value with tales of playing the submissive to her bestie’s dominatrix, getting a butt lift, and pooping herself in traffic. She was lying about the butt lift. Jennifer was wild before she met her ultra-conservative husband.
Today I am thankful for witnessing the most awkward, fish-out-of-water weekend getaway in the history of Bravo. I was hoping for a Real Housewives of New Jersey crossover with Sweet Home. All I got was the preemptive simmer of a Teresa Giudice/Melissa Gorga meltdown. However, I am so grateful for last night’s RHONJ episode, and all the wind that wound their weaves. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!
The ladies are prepping for their southern safari with the requisite amount of leopard print and rhinestones. Margaret Josephs is thrilled to work on her Hospital Heroes children’s hospital gown line with her longtime friend Polly. Teresa calls her brother Joe Gorga asks him to spend time with the amazing Giacinto Gorga, aka Nonno, while she and Melissa are out of town. Joe is frustrated with his sister’s directives. He’s far too busy with work. He urges a reluctant Melissa to go stand up to Tre in his absence. She doesn’t want to get in between the siblings. She’s been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and has the stripper rumors to boot!