Today I am thankful for witnessing the most awkward, fish-out-of-water weekend getaway in the history of Bravo. I was hoping for a Real Housewives of New Jersey crossover with Sweet Home. All I got was the preemptive simmer of a Teresa Giudice/Melissa Gorga meltdown. However, I am so grateful for last night’s RHONJ episode, and all the wind that wound their weaves. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!
The ladies are prepping for their southern safari with the requisite amount of leopard print and rhinestones. Margaret Josephs is thrilled to work on her Hospital Heroes children’s hospital gown line with her longtime friend Polly. Teresa calls her brother Joe Gorga asks him to spend time with the amazing Giacinto Gorga, aka Nonno, while she and Melissa are out of town. Joe is frustrated with his sister’s directives. He’s far too busy with work. He urges a reluctant Melissa to go stand up to Tre in his absence. She doesn’t want to get in between the siblings. She’s been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and has the stripper rumors to boot!
After the drama in the Med, I am more than ready for the Stud of the Sea. Captain Lee Rosbach can do no wrong, and he’s returning with the queen of RBF, Kate Chastain. The phenomenal oceanic duo is joined by a crew of newbies, and the sexual tension on the new season of Below Deck is off the charts. If tonight’s premiere is any indication, it’s going to be a raunchy romp. Perhaps the charter guests should bring a black light…
Moral compasses aside, the ladies are making their best efforts to get along on tonight’s Real Housewives of Orange County. In the wake of Gina Kirschenheiter’s divorce announcement, Vicki Gunvalson is still spewing her “stay married” advice. However, this time it’s poor Steve Lodge who is the captive audience. She really tries to work marriage into about every conversation with this man, doesn’t she? The best part of this story is that her holier than thou conversation happens at a biker bar after an afternoon of riding a motorcycle with her man. Talk about a fish out of water!
Meanwhile in the OC, Emily Simpson admits that she loves living so close to her in-laws. Not only does her pocket MIL provide wonderful insight, but she’s a damn good babysitter, too! Speaking of babies, Emily has a tragic past with pregnancies which is what ultimately led her sister to be a surrogate for her and Shane. With nine viable embryos still on ice with her doctor, she is eager to give her own daughter a sister close in age. The only snag in her plan? Shane isn’t on board for another child…yet.
When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong (kudos to anyone who remembers who said that movie quote!), and I was wrong. At the beginning of this season of Real Housewives of Orange County, I didn’t have time to invest in the new cast members. The OGs (and then some) have enough drama. Why did Bravo bring in new ladies to interact with the hypocritical harpies who need an orthopedic boot to fit into their mean girls group?
That said, I’m reformed. I now enjoy Emily Simpson and Gina Kirschenheiter. They are a refreshing backdrop to Shannon Beador’s insecurities, Kelly Dodd’s tantrums, Vicki Gunvalson’s delusions, and Tamra Judge’s judginess (that’s not technically a word, but work with me). Could this group of many-times divorced ladies relate to or show an ounce of concern for Gina as she navigates a path that most of these broads could walk in the pitch black dark? Why do they want her to stay married when they didn’t? Should she be made to share her soul’s secrets with women who are trying their hardest to force nature’s hand with injections when they are likely the age of her mother? I don’t think so. You know who agrees with me? Newbie Emily. **
I know folks are torn as to whether the Real Housewives of Dallas lives up to the rest of the franchise. I’m here to tell you that it does. The most pure and ridiculous friendship ever lived out on Bravo belongs to Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman. Cary Deuber’s look changes so often, she may as well be a chameleon. Kameron Wescott is the real life version of a nice(r) Regina George if Regina George was friends with Cher on Clueless. And LeeAnne Locken. The carnival. Enough said. To say I’m enjoying this season so far would be an understatement.
And speaking of Clueless, this past episode had me thinking of one iconic quote. “My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose…” “Well, there goes your social life!” Ladies and gents, the RHOD girls were super stressed about fake testicles, and it caused all kinds of drama.
After last Monday’s holiday hiatus, the Real Housewives of Orange County are back tonight with a vengeance. The PGA of drama ends with a hole in one of obscenities thanks to a fretful Shannon Beador, and the craziness bleeds over into a party hosted by Tamra Judge to celebrate husband Eddie’s birthday. Vicki Gunvalson sees first hand the daily grind facing Gina Kirschenheiter due to her absentee husband, and, speaking of husbands, Tamra annoys the boredom out of normally even keeled Steve when pushing for a Vicki proposal.
Emily Simpson’s husband Shane is once again at the center of the controversy over that casino night situation with Gina Kirschenheiter that happened what seems like eons ago. However, it’s not Gina who takes issue with the poker pooper. Instead, she is crying on Emily’s shoulder about her own marriage woes while Kelly Dodd’s cougar claws come out to take aim at Shane. I swear, we can’t take these ladies anywhere!
You know, I appreciate someone who follows the rules. In the case of Bravo’s Housewives franchise, it’s nice to see Denise Richards taking the title to heart. The latest addition to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tied the knot on Saturday to fiancé Aaron Phypers in a small ceremony in Malibu. Denise has been filming with Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, and crew (and vacationing with the ladies in the Bahamas), and if a wedding isn’t enough of a story line, I don’t know what is…although there is no word yet as to whether the nuptials were filmed for the upcoming season.
The movie star, and former Mrs. Charlie Sheen, is just one of the already famous faces to populate the RHOBH cast. I guess in Beverly Hills, a reality show is a great retirement plan after a career in show business. Sure, Bravo housewives always end up being famous, but very rarely are they a household name before the show—with the exception of the Rodeo Drive ladies and Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kandi Burruss (and that one time with Kim Fields…).
Unfortunately for PK Kemsley, what happens in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas. The husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Dorit Kemsley isn’t just pals with Boy George or enamored by ridiculous phony accents. He’s also in a tad bit of debt thanks to racking up a hefty gambling tab at The Bellagio hotel.
Instead of throwing lavish birthday parties for his wife or purchasing pink luxury cars she’s unable to back down the driveway, Peeee Kaaayyyay should probably be looking into procuring some outside income in addition to that Bravo check. The Bellagio can now come after the huge sum he owes to the casino.