Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.”
Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers.
Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys.
Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box.
Teresa Giudiceis still serving her prison sentence, after being convicted of fraud over one year ago, and while she’s been locked up, her husband Joe has had to take care of the household. That includes making the money, which is why Joe and the kids will be seen in their own spin-off very soon. But just because she’s in the slammer, doesn’t mean that Teresa hasn’t been thinking about her next paycheck.
In fact, rumors have been buzzing for some time about whether or not Giudice would be heading back to The Real Housewives of New Jersey once she is released. But it appears that is not all that Giudice has been planning – she’s also planning to do a post prison interview. And in typical Giudice fashion, she is also planning to cash in big time for the interview!
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“You may remember I did this show – this little show on a major network – called TheCelebrity Apprentice,” said Lisa. “The year that I did it, it was definitely, because of me, called Celebrity Fight Club because I hated everyone. What makes it worse for the women celebrities is that we have to spend two hours in hair and makeup every day because we look so bedraggled. One morning, like six weeks into the show, I am super tired and at 4 a.m. my makeup artist comes in and she goes, ‘Lisa, listen to this, everyone in wardrobe is saying Teresa – From the Real Housewives, who was also on the show with me. You know, the one in jail now. – is definitely pregnant because her stomach appears to be getting bigger.’ I’m like, ‘I need to investigate this because I need to be in on all the tea, honey.'”
Last night on Manzo’d With Children there were bachelorette shenanigans in Atlantic City, the less classy red-headed stepchild of Vegas. Apparently Adrienne Maloof is no longer doling out free passes to The Palms.
With Lauren Manzo‘s wedding to the human lump of smothered ricotta known as Vito Scalia approaching, her bros without hoes Albie and Christopher decide they should be in charge of the “send-off” so they whisk Lauren away to Atlantic City for a “Snatchelor Party.” There they hide her away from Vito for the sanctity of family unity.
The idea for “Snatchelor” is hatched when Chris and Albie are excluded from Lauren’s official girls-only bachelorette. Hosted by Greggy Bennett. Naturally he has corralled a party bus to escort this fine delegation in style. Apparently L.A. does not hold all the fascinations of a Manzo fambly event.
On Manzo’d With Children this week, not only did we learn that Chris Manzo was working on a children’s book, but we also watched as Caroline had to deal with one particularly gross habit from her future son-in-law. In fact, when Vito walked into the kitchen with his barely there robe on and then continued to drink milk directly from the container, Caroline and Lauren Manzo looked a bit disgusted.
Despite their horror, the family managed to work it all out by the end of the episode, but we couldn’t help to wonder how Caroline really felt about the incident. I mean, admit it, we all have that one family member who does it and annoys the heck out of us. Luckily for us, Caroline dished all about the incident and the episode in her latest blog.
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This week on Manzo’d With Children, we learned that Caroline Manzo’s son, Chris, decided that he wanted to write a children’s book. As shocking as that may seem, it is true, but what made him decide to ditch all of his other business plans for something so different? Luckily, Chris Manzo opened up about his decision recently, and admitted that he is just not a “suit and tie business man.”
In fact, according to Manzo, he hired someone to take care of all the technical business stuff for him, while he just focused on what he wanted to do – write the book. As for his mom and the rest of the Manzo family, they are nothing short of extremely proud of Chris.
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Last night’s Manzo’d With Children was brought to you by the letter V. V as in Vito Scalia, but also for “Vessel,” losing your Manzo Virginity, and Visiting the library. But mostly V is for Vito and all the ways he is passive aggressively trying to use his voice. (V is for Voice).
Lauren Manzo‘s wedding will include 300 hundred people and 300 hundred Italian traditions, but only one corsage. Vito’s mom, Denise, comes over, pushing her dog in a stroller, to see where her son will be spending the rest of his remaining days. Lauren asks her if she wants a corsage at the wedding – of course she does! She’s the mother of the groom and that is an honor that must be signified. Caroline Manzo “wouldn’t be caught dead in a corsage.” She describes Vito’s mother as a “firecracker” and explains they’re different, yet the same.
Time for some standardized test prep! Different, but similar-style with Caroline and Denise.