Real Housewives of New York star Tinsley Mortimer’s storyline has been very similar the past couple of seasons. Mainly her desire to have a family and a willing partner to join her. Her tagline this year perfectly summed it up, “Game, set, now I need a match.” Plus, who knew she was also a good tennis player?
Tinsley thought she had found her perfect match when she started dating Carole Radziwill’s friend Scott Kluth. But it didn’t take long to see that the relationship was one sided. Scott was always MIA. When he did show up, Tinsley embarrassed herself by acting like a fan girl. Thankfully, because of the tick tock of Tinsley’s ticking clock (say that three times fast), Tinsley realized it’s time to move on.
Fans of both Summer House and Vanderpump Rules got a pleasant surprise when the Pump Rules crew stopped by to visit the Summer House cast for a few episodes. Once Katie Maloney, Tom Schwartz, Stassi Schroeder, and Beau Clark arrived, they got to hear about all of the drama between Carl Radke and Paige DeSorbo.
You would think they would be talking about Carl and Scheana Marie instead. After all, with the VPR peeps visiting, wouldn’t they want to bring up drama about one of their own? Or better yet, toss out Beau or Katie and have Scheana come and visit instead. Even though it was a missed opportunity on the show, Carl recently discussed where he and Scheana currently stand.
Whew – we have crossed the finish line with season 7 of Vanderpump Rules and I am here to report that this reunion did not need to be 3 parts. There – recap done!
OK, kidding. I actually felt there were some illuminating moments. Like the glimpse of Katie Maloney‘s hubris. Wowee-wow-WOW. Katie literally always sees herself as the victim. She blames James Kennedy for the internet hating her but the internet rightfully hated Katie long before her antics this season! As Tom 1 never really got a chance to say courtesy of James’ interrupitis – a germ passed from Kristen Doute – Katie has been a rancid bottle of ranch dressing since season 1. Katie’s OWN putrid behavior is the reason the Twitterverse rails on her – it has nothing to do with James or her weight (or her husband’s manhood – how is that not also body shaming?). Let’s just say Katie is giving marriage, ranch dressing, the internet, and humanity a bad name. Oh, and also clothing.
There are certain events that we can expect from every Vanderpump Rules season. We get Gay Pride, a Mexico trip, and Stassi Schroeder’s birthday. There’s also World Dog Day, which Lisa Vanderpump hosted and some of the Pump Rules cast attended.
However, as expected, zero Real Housewives of Beverly Hills were in attendance. Not even flip-flopper Camille Grammer or one and done Joyce Giraud, the sole RHOBH cast member Lisa seems to be close with. Thankfully, Lisa’s husband Ken Todd and some Vanderpump Rules were there to support. However, there were still some notable names missing.
I’m having a visceral reaction to part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. It’s like Lord Of The Flies. James Kennedy is the pig they’re chasing across the island of the doomed until somebody, (probably Tom 2 if we’re being honest) winds up dismembered. Remember when this show was so fun?!
What I’ve come to realize is that these people – chiefly Katie Maloney, Jax Taylor, and Kristen Doute – live in an echo chamber of their own delusions. They can’t learn from experiences because they’ve blocked all the dissenting voices. Instead, they are deafened by the vortex of praise they offer each other. James isn’t even allowed to speak without Kristen cutting him off and screaming him down with some accusation or insult. Andy Cohen wonders why James so angry. Lisa Vanderpump decides it’s because James had a drink at lunch. Or maybe it’s as James said: so many people yelling at him constantly that he can’t breathe.
Last night was the Met Gala and also someone was thrown out of a PTA meeting at my kids’ school when things erupted into a full-on screaming match. Fittingly, it was also part 1 of Vanderpump Rules reunion – so yeah, busy night!
Also as if trying to straddle two events, like she straddles two worlds on Vanderpump Rules, Raquel Leviss‘s reunion dress was the very definition of the Met Gala theme “Camp,” boasting uber-exaggerated shoulders accented by a full duvet of ruffles. It was like a super amped up version of an Alice In Wonderland dress. I loved it. It was almost a perfect representation for the ridiculousness of this show. Raquel came to make a statement that she is here to stay.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away a foolish princess sat in her WeHo walkup, and pledged her love to Jax Taylor, a pile of mashed potatoes that sometimes took on human-esque features and pretended to have a heart, but mostly just oozed brown puss. This princess of purgatory is Brittany Cartwright and on last night’s Vanderpump Rules she had an engagement party
This party seemed like it was supposed to be a wedding, until producers decided to drag out the drama by turning it into an engagement party last minute. Like they expected a huge blowout where Brittany’s dad confronted her about what an insipid ass Jax is. Or Jax and the Toms got in a fight with Brittany’s brothers. Instead, the biggest drama was Scheana Marie crying in a corner because Adam Spott rejected her adopt-a-penguin apology gift.
Also Ariana Madix nervously confronted Lisa Vanderpump‘s about treating the Toms like grownups because then, like, maybe they might, like, act, like, one. Or Tom 1 will at least.
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was the prequel to the season finale, which means the bulk of the episode was spent finally FINALLY giving Scheana Marie some attention and something to do besides machine gun laughing at her own jokes. Of course Scheana wasted all this prime real estate on
Marina del Rey whining about Adam Spott and going on a fake date to make him jealous which obviously backfired like a rusty pickup in a PCH traffic jam!
The other half of the episode was dedicated to Brittany Cartwright‘s family visiting from Kentucky for wedding dress shopping and giving Jax Taylor the third degree. If Jax gets out of this marriage alive he’s leaving with a rat tail, less than half of his savings, and a ripped plaid shirt wrapped around a cold beer can that he’s holding to his temple. Don’t fuck with no redneck daddies! (I’m from West Virginia so I know full well how this goes!)