Tonight Vanderpump Rules returns with more of Kristen Doute‘s drama. This time Kristen and Carter find themselves in a huge fight with her besties Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder after Carter accuses them of causing problems for him and Kristen.
Well Kristen is batshit crazy, so I’m not entirely convinced that it’s all Katie and Stassi’s fault.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules we were still trapped in Solvang with Krazy Kristen Doute. Apparently once cameras turned off and we all went to bed, she was haunting the halls of their hotel, screaming JAAAAAMES, and begging for cigarettes. But it’s not about James. It’s about Carter.
Katie Maloney had to take drastic measures to escape Kristen at her worst! It was so bad she chose to spend the night in Super Summer of Single Scheana‘s, room wearing a SUR uniform which was passed to Scheana after Katie’s um, winter body appeared on the scene.
Of course, hearing about her insane drunken behavior the previous night doesn’t stop Kristen from imbibing on their trip to the vineyard, however! Oh no, bring on the Riesling. Glug, slug, slug!
It’s hard to believe, but we are halfway through season seven of Vanderpump Rules. So far this season, Lisa Vanderpump unveiled Tom Tom. James Kennedy was fired from SUR…again. Billie Lee is at odds with Lala Kent. Ariana Madix replaced Scheana Marie with Stassi Schroeder as her new BFF. And crazy Kristen Doute almost ruined the girls trip to Solvang.
One can only imagine what antics are in store for the rest of season. Will Jax Taylor make it a whole season without cheating on Brittany Cartwright? Will Scheana stay “single” or make it official with Adam Spott? Will James get See You Next Tuesday back? Will Lala’s fiancé Randall Emmett make a movie that scores higher than zero on Rotten Tomatoes? Let’s find out!
I’ll tell you a secret: you will not find your answers in life by going to the Disney World of Yolanda Hadid’s Lyme Brain, aka Solvang (a pretend version of a Dutch village) and drinking until you fall on your ass in an unflattering romper repurposed from vintage prison uniforms. Just ask the ladies of Vanderpump Rules who tried just that!
Likewise you will not improve your life or your relationship by having a guy’s night at a hotel where you pretend you’re just picking up chicks for a single friend. That will instead make you realize you’re married to someone like Katie Maloney, who is wearing your balls as a ring on a string.
On tonight’s Vanderpump Rules the ladies are still in Solvang – the Epcot Center of wine countries – and Crazy Kristen Doute is rearing her ugly head. We like to call her ‘The Kritter’ since it’s so much more ominous but you know either nickname will suffice.
While Kristen threatens to destroy the trip, just like she ruined the most EPIC PRIVATE JET ride in history, Scheana Marie has a tantrum over her collapsed friendship with Stassi Schroeder and Katie Maloney. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, I suppose…
Batten down the hatches because after a few weeks of in hiding Krazy Kristen Doute has returned in full splendor on Vanderpump Rules. Solvang? Or So Insane? Kristen wasn’t the only one Solvagning problems though – Jax Taylor and James Kennedy both went to therapy, but not together. Although they probably should.
It’s the day after the inaugural TomTom party and Lisa Vanderpump hasn’t had a hangover since 1985, aka before Tom 1 and Tom 2 were born… Oh, wait: everyone on this show is pushing 40, which makes them older than me. And they’ve definitely given LVP enough headaches to quantify as a hangover.
The Toms are overjoyed with their first event. They were ready to spread the doors wide to the public at large. Tom 2 wants a gold star on his chore chart.
Lisa reminds them that there’s no gas (or ice). James was spinning records in the utility closet sitting on 2 Costco mega-packs of Charmin Double Ply.
Tonight on Vanderpump Rules Lala Kent rewards the girls for no longer calling her a whore by taking them on a private jet to Solvang Wine Country.
Of course, since this is Vanderpump Rules, aka NeverNeverLand for drunken delusionoids, Kristen Doute acts up and embarrasses everyone. Of course hinging your life’s worth on a private jet is embarrassing enough so I can’t imagine how bad Kristen must be!
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules TomTom finally opened its doors in the frantic, frenzied, disastrous way you’d expect from Tom 1 and Tom 2.
Welcome to Mr. Tom’s Wild Ride – first stop the deluxe modern apartment of one DJ James Kennedy, who will have his reintroduction into SURciety by being the inaugural DJ at TomTom. Trust me – it sounds like a much bigger honor than it actually is. With havoc on the homefront and no ice at the bar, Lisa Vanderpump quickly realizes she needs the Toms temporarily distracted. So, she dispatches 5% personal assistants to wrangle menial tasks. Tom 2, as always, drew the short straw and is forced to go discuss the music with James.
As he waits for Tom’s arrival James works on his apology letter to Mandall, the entree nous he needs to get back into Lala Kent‘s homie status. Raquel LeViss is not impressed with James’ labors of Lala-dom.