Pro tip: There is no better way to feel absolutely proud of all of your life choices – even those four batches of holiday cookies you ate last week – than to watch this season of Love After Lockup. Seriously, there’s just something wholesome and satisfying about watching some sad sacks roll up in their fresh-outta-prison duds, ready to make all new terrible decisions with a life partner on the outside who is even more unhinged than them. Yes, I am going to hell. (Wanna share a handbasket?)
Speaking of sad sacks on Love After Lockup, let’s check in with Scott and Lizzie! They’re still at the Hampton 8 chilling in separate rooms, but Lizzie thinks it’s time for a makeover. Not for her – nope! She’s perfect
in her own mind. Lizzie wants to pull a Queer Eye for the Toothless Guy on Scott. And she feels very qualified for the job since she was in cosmetology school in prison – even though she got kicked out for heroin. As one does.
Before we recap the wonder that was Love After Lockup this week, let’s offer three cheers and some antibiotics to the brave camera crews who captured this “release day” footage. These hardy souls not only stood by while fresh-out-of-prison folk tongue kissed their lovahs for the first time. Nay! They ventured into woods to record full on sexytimes on dirt piles. I ask you: Can it get any better than this? Hurrah!
Speaking of dirt pile sex, let’s begin with Caitlin and Matt, who cannot wait one more second to jump each other’s bones, so they pull off into the woods to do the deed. This is how you get Lyme’s Disease, but Caitlin calls it the best sex she’s ever had, and Matt is happy he has a girl who doesn’t care about the odd lost tooth or poison sumac up her bum. #SoulMates
WEtv is serving up some serious stank with the season two crew of Love After Lockup, and this Friday night’s show gave us another overflowing-dumptruck-claw of the garbage TV we need in our lives. Mmmm. Smells like
90 day old chicken.
Last week, Lizzie was released from prison, running into the open arms of Scott and knocking one of his 7 teeth to the ground. This week, we pick up with Lizzie’s ride home, which features an all expenses paid shopping spree at the gas station. And we thought fairytales were just for storybooks. Bah!
If we thought Love After Lockup’s premiere episode for Season Two was insane, then we had no idea what WEtv had up its sleeve. Because this week’s Love After Lockup was even better. By better, I mean crazier, messier, and even more whack. Everything we’re looking for in our favorite trash TV show!
Last week, we met three couples plus a thrupple. Yep, one of this season’s inmates, Michael, has TWO women on the outside waiting for him. Neither woman knows the other exists, which will make for an extremely interesting release day. Before we get to this epic disaster, let’s review the progression/regression of events in everyone else’s tale of prison romance.
We asked, we believed, and we received. Love After Lockup is back with a new cast (and some familiar faces) for another season of love, prison-style. YES!!! From the producers who gave us 90 Day Fiance, Sharp Entertainment is bringing us a classic story of true romance: Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy proposes to girl. Only one minor issue: Boy (or in some cases, girl) is incarcerated in the United States prison system.
If you enjoy hearing lines like, “I was cruising the internet one night and I stumbled across pictures of [prisoner’s name] on meetaninmate.com” as the introductory sentence to an epic love story, then this is the show for you. Our couples this season include two holdovers from Love After Lockup Season One – Scott & Lizzie and Angela & Tony – plus four new couples hoping to make it work on the “outside.” Let’s review who’s been pierced with Cupid’s homemade shiv this year.
How do we say goodbye to a show that’s given us so much in such a short time? We’ve learned how probation works, what not to wear to a Crips wedding, that you can trade cell phones for heroin in prison, that “Meet An Inmate” websites exist, and (my personal fave) how to look up random convicts on www.offender.state like it’s a full time job.
Oh, Love After Lockup! You’ve given me so much, so I’ll repay you with this final recap. Goodbye for now, and we’ll see you again when WeTV rounds up a new herd of convicts and their delusional pen pals to light up our lives again. Until that day, I won’t forget you. Like Alla says in her creepy card, our love is truly UNDISTRUCTABLE.
Only five episodes in to the first season of Love After Lockup, and it’s already been renewed for season two! Yep. Producers are hard at work scouring the nation for more deluded singles looking for love behind bars. A tip of the hat to you, WeTV! I can’t wait to say “I knew ye back when…” Also, thank you for making me feel better about my life choices every day. Because after watching this mess, it’s impossible to think you’re not #WINNING at life.
This week, probation is the name of the game. Who’s on it, who’s off it, and who ain’t never getting it (hi, Lizzie!). While some couples celebrate the next chapter of their
tragic doomsday story, others are saved from themselves by way of the Federal Corrections Agency. There is so much mud to trudge through this week, let’s get right to it!
It took a full 24 hours for me to process the cornucopia of dysfunction that this week’s Love After Lockup dished up. Truthfully, I’m still not fully recovered. Much like our beloved 90 Day Fiance, we find that our star-crossed lovers get infinitely messier with each passing week. The joy of prison release day only lasts for so long…like, a literal day. Then it’s everybody into the crazy pool, sink or swim!
While Johnna and Garrett continue their bickering over him wanting his “freedom,” Andrea shows Lamar just how scared he should actually be of her when she goes full scale psycho at his homecoming party. James tries to get Alla employed, but she’s too “sick” to show up (ironic quotes intentional), and Mary is in for a rude awakening when picking up Dominic. It turns out he’s happier to see her parents’ old faces than her new one! Lastly, we’re treated to a new couple: 46-year old chain-smokin’, therapy-givin’ Angela and her 32-year old prison fiance, Tony, who she met while trolling the inmate websites. As one does. Only one hitch: She sent Tony a pic that was photoshopped within one millimeter of becoming a Farrah Abraham selfie. Thus, Tony’s in for a big surprise on release day. Pop your popcorn. Let’s get to it!