Basketball Wives Recap

London, I wish I could have apologized in advance for sending you the women of Basketball Wives. Oddly enough, Tasha Marbury and Suzie Ketcham manage to play nice, while Tami Roman remains in a zen-like state for the majority of the episode. Shaunie O'Neal seems more into sightseeing with her boy toy than stirring the pot, and Evelyn Lozada is ready to debut her line…because she'd like to see it, too.  Wow, London!  I'd say you lucked out…for now!

The women arrive across the pond, and Evelyn hopes that everyone is excited for her Vida Lux fashion show.  She's a tad nervous though because she hasn't seen the dresses that will be going down the runway.  Check that, she's a tad nervous so she is refusing to look at the dresses beforehand because she doesn't want to get stressed out if they aren't what she'd hoped. Perhaps she and Alexis Bellino should tryout together for the next Project Runway. #designer?? #bwhahaha

Suzie is concerned that the strippers in England aren't getting enough Vitamin C due to the lack of sun exposure. Tasha wonders aloud if Suzie forgot to take her meds the day of the hat swatting. Tasha refuses to acknowledge Suzie but for passive aggressive comments, and Tami wishes (for once) that everyone could just get along.

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Last night's Basketball Wives was purely the set-up for whatever insanity is set to occur in London thanks to Shaunie O'Neal's master planning.  Evelyn Lozada has quit crying and is now excited to sit back and watch someone else design her clothing line.  Suzie Ketcham is still on a high from smacking the beret off of Tasha Marbury, and Tami Roman launches her nail polish sans Big Diva.

Suzie reveals to real Tami that she took Lil' Tami with her to confront Tasha.  The women find it very fishy that Tasha referred to the women as "angry birds" even though she claimed to not have anything to do with the blog stories.  Even after flipping Tasha's hat off of her head, the women decide that it's Suzie who is owed an apology first. Tami always has the little guy's back. She is such a champion for the underdog!

Evelyn has a meeting for her clothing line Vida Lux. It's like loungewear meets the wardrobe department of Kids, Incorporated (you know, back when Fergalicious was just plain ol' Stacey). She's waxing on about patterns and colors and the gap that big bootys create in the waistband of some jeans. Evelyn wants to think international. Her maxi dresses plan to take over the world!  Later Suzie calls Evelyn so that she can continue to relive the swat-fest with Tasha.

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I know what you were expecting from last night's Basketball Wives.  You were expecting the norm.  A refined and intelligent Suzie Ketcham lunching with a calm and centered Tami Roman, right?  Shaunie O' Neal and her pin-hole sized nostrils supporting friends as Evelyn Lozada empowered women and Tasha Marbury explored genius and well-thought out business plans…sure, we'll go with that.   

We begin with Evelyn and Tami are dishing on all things Tasha and Big Diva. Tami understands what Tasha is trying to do, but she thinks she should perhaps be better advised in her business ventures.  Evelyn jokes about kicking Big Diva in the throat, but at least she didn't say anything about head-butting.  Thankfully, Tami's eyes are free from asbestos poisoning, and she reveals to Evelyn that Tasha tried to come for her when she regretted to the party. Oh, is that what happened?  Evelyn admits that she, Shaunie, and Suzie left long before Tasha arrived.

Shaunie is throwing her son Shareef a thirteenth birthday party that she has dubbed the Bro Mitzvah.  He wants over a hundred and fifty guests, video vixens on each arm, big name rappers performing, and a fiery entrance. Shaunie is going to do her best.  Whatever happened to a sheet cake and a roller skating rink?  And we wonder why kids today are so entitled.  Sorry, I think I morphed into my grandmother for a second there.

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I love a Basketball Wives episode that starts back just a smidge before the previous one ended.  VH1 wants to make sure we know how upset Evelyn Lozada is with Tasha Marbury and Suzie Ketcham for their insensitive giggling over head-butting jokes, but they don't take us back far enough to relive Tami Roman losing her cool over a hand gesture.  Shaunie O'Neal just sits back with her puppet strings.

And just like that, Evelyn's tears fall like rain (again) and she exits the restaurant with the Puppet Master running after her friend.  "Am I being dramatic?" Evelyn asks. Finally, a question we all want to answer.

Later, Evelyn is shooting the cover for Vibe Vixen, and she questions Tami as to whether she overreacted to Tasha's joke.  Tami understands why her friend is upset and suggests that Evelyn have a talk with Tasha about her hurt feelings.  She is actually proud of Evelyn as last season's variety would have thrown a drink (or a chair, or a shoe, or a wine bottle) at anyone who looked at her the wrong way.  I guess we all just pretend that Tami didn't just pop off on Evelyn during lunch for a misplaced hand. Okay, I'll play that game.

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Oh Basketball Wives…how I'm starting to miss the in-your-face antics.  If I am subjected to more of Evelyn Lozada's crying or Tami Roman's passive aggressive hair stroking, I may lose it.  Don't even get me started on Shaunie O'Neal's "new found voice."  Thank goodness for the cool Tasha Marbury and the kooky Suzie Ketcham or I might just give up on this mess altogether!  Who am I kidding?  I couldn't even if I tried…

Last night's episode had all of these attributes and more. Evelyn wants to placate her daughter's fears that her mother is reconciling with Chad.  She reveals that she did text Chad that day for his birthday.  She just wanted him to have a blessed day, but that's the extent of their chatting.  Sure. Evelyn wants to know if her daughter was worried about her during the photo debacle.  Her daughter basically calls her out and says she wasn't worried, and she reminds Evelyn that she totally put herself in that situation.  Preach. Am I so much on auto-pilot with this crew that I missed the fact that Shaunie was producing a play about Basketball Wives?  She thinks it will be a much needed positive spin for the brand.  She's looking forward to seeing some scene run-throughs while she's in New York City.  

Evelyn and Tasha go shopping and discuss Tasha's peace talk with Tami. Evelyn still isn't totally convinced that her friend has changed.  She's knows Tami will always be one to cut a b!tch. For her part, Tami is meeting with a life coach in hopes of getting rid of her anger issues. She knows she won't turn into Mother Teresa overnight, but it's worth a try. Tami shares with her life coach Shaunie's "it could go really good or really bad" comment regarding Tami meeting Tasha a bazillion episodes ago.  Really, VH1?  This statement is now what constitutes an entire story line?

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Last night's Basketball Wives marked the fourth straight episode of Evelyn Lozada crying over Chad Johnson, and Tami Roman trying her darndest to start something with Shaunie O'Neal despite her positive life changes.  It was also the fourth straight episode of Tasha Marbury staying above the drama and Suzie Ketcham talking out of both sides of her mouth (only this time, she's not gossiping, she's just finally healing from her jaw surgery!).

We started back in Evelyn's counseling session.  Her therapist encourages her to figure out what she would do if there were no kids, media, or feminist groups involved. Again, I'm sorry…why are all of these people trying to get her back together with a head-butter?  We all know that the head-butting incident wasn't isolated.  I'm not saying that he was violent towards her multiple times, but their relationship was broken by both of them long before they walked down the aisle.  The therapist wants to know what are the wonderful things about Chad that the public doesn't know.  Is that you, Mrs. .Ochocinco Johnson?  Seriously?  With a glass of wine and dose of common sense, I'm more of a therapist than this lady.

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When we last left the ladies of Basketball Wives, Tami Roman had enlisted Suzie Ketcham to do her bidding in breaking down new girl Tasha Marbury while she sipped on her lukewarm Bud Lite and hoped for crazy drama  As last night's episode began, Evelyn Lozada and Shaunie O'Neal avert their eyes as Suzie questions Tasha about her husband's rumored affair.  Instead of getting defensive or starting to scream and throw things, Tasha calmly says that yes, it did happen, and she's not going to lie about it.  She stays classy and keeps her cool.  Remind me again why she's on this show?

Tami then has the nerve to tell Tasha that she can't believe how rude Suzie was to ask the question.  Tasha knows that it comes with the lifestyle, and Tami is shocked to learn that Tasha and Stephon did pay off the mistress.  Evelyn is just happy that her friend was able to keep the energy from going to that negative place the ladies are so used to going.

The following day, Evelyn and Suzie are cruising the Hudson and discussing the dinner's events.  Suzie admits that she felt badly for rehashing Tasha's marital issues, and she wants to clear the air with the new girl in hopes of forging a new friendship.  In Central Park, Tami and Shaunie are also discussing the evening.  Tami learned from Tasha that Shaunie and Evelyn told her that things could go really badly with Tami at their initial meeting.  Tami confronts her friend about painting her in a negative light. While Shaunie understands where Tami is coming from, she still stands by her statement.  After all, the women got along didn't they?

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I had no clue what to expect after last week's premiere of the Feel Sorry for the Mean Girls.  Evelyn Lozada can only cry so much, right?  Tami Roman quickly shed her sweet ways on last night's Basketball Wives, and I was surprised at how easy it was for her to manipulate Suzie Ketcham into being her puppet.  Speaking of puppets, the puppet master Shaunie O'Neal just sat back and watched smugly as things began to unravel, nostrils flaring and all!

Evelyn is meeting up with Tasha Marbury, Evelyn's longtime friend and wife of Stephon Marbury.  The women are grabbing cocktails in Los Angeles.  Evelyn's fingernail polish makes her look like she just got slimed by some ectoplasm.  She ain't afraid of no ghosts!  Seriously, it's so distracting.  I can barely keep up with Tasha dishing about her husband's new life playing basketball in China while Evelyn moans about her still strong spiritual connection with Chad.

Tami is bonding with her daughters over basketball and driving skills.  Her youngest is concerned when her mom offers to give her lessons…after all, both girls know just how "impatient" their mother is if things don't go exactly her way.  Just how did all these crazed women wind up with such sweet, grounded children?  Does the hateful, hair-pulling gene skip a generation?

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