Below Deck Reunion

“He’s Captain Lee (Captain Lee, Captain Lee), when you crew for him, you’re working hard as can be. Fool around, you’ll scrub the decks till three. He’s rough. He’s tough. He’s alpha to a tee. Captain Lee…he’s the stud of the sea!” Can I get an “AMEN”?!?

We learned a lot of juicy little secrets on the final installment of the Below Deck reunion, didn’t we? Captain HAROLD Lee Rosbach? Respect! The reunion begins where last week’s left off…galley-gate! Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is still accusing Kate Chastain of boozing on the clock when the fire started, and Captain Lee reminds her that former chef Leon “Beef Cheeks” Walker said she was and then admitted that she wasn’t. One way or another, he was lying. Amy Johnson skirts Andy Cohen’s direct question as to whether she’s ever seen Kate drinking on charter by responding that she thinks all of the finger pointing is petty. Andy drops the subject and moves onto my favorite Bravo promo in the history of television. Lee jokes that his wife “has gotten a lot of mileage” out of his “alpha to a tee” persona, and the crew reveals he’s a bit of a celebrity…and his first name is actually Harold, which Andy never knew. Lee’s plethora of colorful metaphors is revisited, with “when you get caught with your tit in the ringer” being everyone’s new favorite. Rocky accuses the Captain of showing support to his chief stew and head bosun, but Amy disagrees. She believes he is there for his entire crew, and Lee is quick to respond he’d lay the smack down on anyone–even Eddie Lucas–if he thought it was necessary.

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“Mental wounds not healing; who and what’s to blame? I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train!” What could possibly be to blame? Maybe those sparkly butterflies occupying the ceiling of Eros? I so wanted another boat ballad to steer us into last night’s fun, but a little Ozzy Osbourne never hurt anyone. Plus, a boat is just a train on water, right? I don’t know about y’all, but I think it’s high tide, um, I mean “high time,” that the crew of Below Deck got a proper reunion! And a two-parter to boot! They have clearly arrived by Bravo standards! Andy Cohen has pulled the yachties from the WWHL clubhouse, and he feels like Captain Lee Rosbach has called them all to the bridge of the Eros.

Emile Kotze is sporting his grandfather’s suit, Eddie Lucas is looking adorable with a beard (it almost–ALMOST–makes me forget his douche-esque behavior this season!) and Kate Chastain has foregone the resting bitch face…for the time being. The get together kicks off with the gang recalling their favorite charter guests, and Connie Arias recalls that her roommate Emile would ask her to hit the deck a few minutes early every morning so he could spank the salami (or whatever the phrase may be). Lovely. Andy inquires as to why Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is always chatting with her pal the ceiling, and she jokes that there were likely sparkly butterflies and unicorns flying around up there. When Eddie tries to crack a joke, Rocky jumps. Does Eddie want to get into things already? Is his girlfriend there so Rocky can share some of the sordid details of their laundry room hook-ups? 

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