Chris Harrisonwelcomes back the Bachelor Pad losers… Ryan "not gettin' any" Hoag, Kalon McMahonandLindzi Cox(cheers), Reid Rosenthal (lukewarm cheer), Jaclyn and Ed, Erica Rose, Jamie Otis (ready for a costume party, absolute silence), Tony Pieper and Blakeley Jones (cheers), and Michael Stagliano (huge cheer). Also, the super fans – SWAT, David, Donna, Paige, Brittany, and Erica.
The losers vote for the winning couple of Bachelor Pad 3. Who will it be – Nick and Rachel or Chris and Sarah? And, as always, there's only one prize in Bachelor Pad. <wink, wink>
Last week on Bachelor Pad, Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon campaigned to survive the elimination and Jaclyn Swartz and Ed Swiderskistrived to not be seen as a whore and an a**hole, respectively. Both couples failed.
Immediately following last week's rose ceremony, the remaining couples celebrate their final four status. Chris Bukowski toasts, "This is going to be an unbelievable experience that only very lucky desperate and privileged fame seeking people get to experience." His delusions of grandeur have no upper limit.
Rachel Trueheart is completely over Michael Stagliano's elimination. Ha. Just kidding. Rachel continues to cry because her life has no purpose without Michael playing this game beside her. Nick who? seems to be a common confusion in the house.
Blakeley Jones stresses just how much she and Tony Pieper need to win the next challenge. This hardcore "win to survive" edit combined with ABC showing previews of Rachel/Nick Peterson, Jaclyn/Ed, and Sarah Newlon/Chris preparing for the next challenge, lead me to believe Blakeley and Tony are most definitely going home broke losers. ABC sucks at building suspense.
Chris Harrison pops in to remind us how dreamy his eyes are when he wears blue. Chris also comes with bad news for the Pad people – one couple will not survive the morning in Bachelor Pad. Once again, ABC, I can hardly stand the wait. Tony reminds us that he's making out with Blakeley on Bachelor Pad for his son.
Rachel Trueheart is devastated by Michael Stagliano‘s shocking exit on Bachelor Pad. She’s sobbing… she was falling in love with Michael… her life is ruined… blah, blah, blah. Like all other break ups between reality TV stars who have known each other for approximately 18 days, it’s nauseating.
Jaclyn Swartz is busy consoling Rachel when Chris Harrison returns to the mansion with news about the rest of the game. First, though, he reminds the remaining fame whoreslove seekers people that Bachelor Padis a game. Chris explains: They will play the rest of the game as couples. Nick Peterson and Rachel are the only two contestants without partners, so they are forced to pair up.
Blakeley Jones, Jaclyn, and Ed Swiderski are upset that Chris Bukowskisurvived elimination last week, thanks to a bogus twist. Of course, on the other side of Bachelor Pad, Chris and Sarah Newlon are celebrating their good fortune. Game on!
Oh the twists and turns of last night’s Bachelor Pad. I have to admit, with the exception of predicting a camping date, I had it all wrong…
Blakely Jones is so thrilled that her alliance had her back. I wonder if she’ll ever realize they weren’t keeping her around because they like her, it’s because five-star crazy is fun to watch, and they know she’ll never win. Chris Bukowski crawls into his top bunk and burrows under his covers. Jamie Sarah Newlon comes to his bed and starts baby-talking to him. He’s pouting sleeping. Chris reluctantly lets girl number three crawl into his bunk.
Kalon McMahon walks into the bedroom, and Chris wants to know why his buddy lied to his face. Chris demolishes a rose and throws the petals at Kalon. “How romantic,” coos Kalon, “Must be how you won Emily.” Ouch. With that Chris hops out of bed to go confront Ed Swiderski, leaving Sarah looking a lot like Jamie last week. Ed says he’s more loyal to Jaclyn Swartz than he is to Chris. When Ed raises his voice to be heard over Chris, Chris starts screaming to talk like an adult. He’s something else, isn’t he? I hope Sarah is picking up these red flags. Ed can’t apologize anymore, so he’s out…and a wine glass gets smashed in the process. Mazel Tov!
Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Staglianois like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!
Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”
Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.
Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.
Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.
Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.
“Stop yelling at me,” says one. “You called me a slut,” says the other.
“Stop yelling at me!”
“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”
“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”
I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.
Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?
As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!
First,Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.