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Brittney Guzman

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We made it, people! It’s the season 3 finale of Little Women: LA, and all roads lead to Hawaii, where Elena Gant and Preston are poised to renew their vows in front of family and friends. We’ve got an hour and a half episode ahead, so let’s get to it. We pick up right where we left off last week: in the mud. Christy McGinity and Briana Manson are facing off about Briana’s secret marriage to Matt. Terra Jole jumps in, followed by Tonya Banks, both calling Briana out on her dishonesty. Since Briana lied to them for so long, they all feel like their friendship with her has imploded. Plus, obvi, they still have issues with Matt. “He cheated on you and you’re okay with that!” Terra yells at Briana. “She must look at that picture a lot,” Matt snarks to Briana as Terra goes on and on. Terra thinks Briana is clearly being taken advantage of. 

Matt goes sideways with his next comment, writing off the ladies’ rant as, “Three b*tches, talking sh*t.” Shots fired, yo! Shots fired! Upon hearing these words, Tonya immediately snaps back into fighting mode, but asks Jaa if he’s going to defend her before she jumps into the fray. No, Jaa is not. Terra stands her ground, telling Matt he can call her a b*tch all day, but he’s the real a$$hole. “Shut up, Matt! You’re so f**king annoying!” screams Christy. Matt reacts by mimicking her back, just like any evolved 12-year old grown man would.    

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Oh, Little Women: LA. Can’t you all just get along? All that’s standing between Elena Gant and her dreams of renewing her vows with hubby Preston are the Pacific Ocean and a small tribe of very dysfunctional women ready to, quite literally, sling mud at each other. This week, the ladies travel to Hawaii for Elena’s event. Because they can’t seem to grasp the fact that Elena’s event is (and should be) the center of attention on this trip, Christy McGinty invites the couples to a “therapy” session beforehand, in which tempers explode around Briana Manson’s secret wedding to Matt

As Terra Jole and Joe (and adorable baby Penny!) arrive in Hawaii first, Terra reflects on how angry the entire group is with Briana. No one is sure how to handle seeing her here, with the possible exception of suck-up Jasmine Sorge. Terra also doesn’t trust Brittney Guzman, who has betrayed Elena in the past. Here’s hoping the group can rally around Elena for her big day, regardless of their issues. (HA! That was hilarious to type.) As the rest of the gang arrive, Christy voices her wishes for the trip: to have multiple orgasms. “I wanna f**k!” says Christy, “I want doggy style! I want every style!” (Ummm, I want to un-hear these words!)

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After Briana Manson dropped a stink bomb on the group last week that she and Matt are already married, this week’s Little Women: LA finds the ladies trying to shift focus back to Elena Gant’s upcoming vow renewal. 

We begin at Christy McGinty’s home, where she shares with hubby Todd that Briana spilled her big news. Todd calls the situation “one of the most f*ked up situations I’ve ever heard in my life.” Yep. Even more f*ked up is the fact that Matt (according to Terra Jole’s sources) sent photos of his…uh, Matt Junior…to some random chic a few months back. Which Briana now flippantly writes off as a “mistake.” Todd wants to look up evidence of Briana and Matt’s marriage, so he employs his best googling skills to check out the actual wedding date: 4/19. This means, at the time of filming, Briana has been married FOUR MONTHS already without telling anyone. Does this also mean the d*ck pics in question were sent during a state of wedded bliss? Hmmm. Christy just feels betrayed that this lie has gone on so long right under her nose.

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On this week’s Little Women: LA, it’s time for Elena Gant’s bachelorette party! Terra Jole and Tonya Banks are planning a Palm Springs getaway, but they have strict instructions that it can’t be tacky. So…why are Terra and Tonya planning it, then? After their day at the track, the group is on the outs with Briana Manson, who Tonya is particularly angry with for not showing up at day 3 of her video shoot. As for Terra, she is convinced that all of Briana’s issues (and her own issues with Briana) stem from her relationship with Matt

Elena has been checking in on Briana since their blowup at the race track, and is having Briana over for a poolside chat at her home. Elena wants to support Briana and wants her to be at her bachelorette party, no matter what the rest of the group thinks. Briana is hesitant to attend, though, considering she was booted out of the last event by mean-girl Terra. In the end, Elena promises to talk to the rest of the girls to ensure no one confronts Briana about Matt on the trip. Briana promises to give Elena an answer in the morning. 

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On last night’s Little Women: LA, the ladies take their drama to the racetrack, where tensions escalate between Briana Manson and Tonya Banks. So, let’s jump right in! Terra Jole comes to Tonya’s house bearing a bouquet and announcing their plans to head to the races. Huge hats are, of course, in order. So the ladies begin assembling their super gaudy head gear. Terra invited everyone to the event, including Briana’s much-maligned boyfriend, Matt. Because in Terra’s world, she’s being the bigger person. 

But it’s not Matt on Tonya’s sh*t list these days. It’s Briana! Because she ditched filming for day 2 of Tonya’s Little Boss Body workout video, having had enough of Tonya’s low rent production and Little Boss Meltdowns (TM) on day 1.Tonya says Briana gave her no notice, thereby forcing Tonya to cut all of Briana’s footage from day 1 because it wouldn’t work fluidly with day 2 shots. (Question: Did Briana have to return her $5.99 t-shirt?)

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On last night’s Little Women: LA, stressful situations prevailed. Christy McGinty and hubby Todd underwent their first uncomfortable round of artificial insemination, while Terra Jole, Jasmine Sorge, Brittney Guzman and Briana Manson underwent an even more uncomfortable round of fat-burning and Tonya Banks irrational anger at the taping of her Little Boss Body Workout video.

We begin at Terra’s house where she’s having Elena Gant and Tonya heft a stone bird bath out to her back yard. They break for wine and discuss Tonya’s upcoming workout video. Tonya’s dream is to educate little people about how to stay fit and healthy. Elena’s dreams are to get re-married to Preston so he can continue to fund her other dreams. She isn’t thinking about colors, or bridesmaids, or maids of honor yet…but Terra wants to know everything. In Russia, it’s simpler, says Elena. She just wants the wedding of her dreams she didn’t get to have the first time around.

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On last night’s Little Women: LA, the ladies’ friendships with Briana Manson came to a head over her relationship with Matt. Elena Gant and Preston share some “big” news. And Tonya Banks recruits the ladies for spots in her new workout video for little people. 

Elena is brushing up on her US history in order to pass her immigration test, since being married to Preston these past four years only guarantees her a green card and endless access to his dwindling bank account. Preston agrees to help quiz Elena on her facts if she strips every time she gets an answer wrong. Elena agrees to the game, first piling on a parka or two. Since she thinks the governor of her state is Justin Bieber and one important thing Abraham Lincoln did was “feed the slaves,” she’s going to be butt naked in a few short minutes, I presume. #SlyFoxPreston It is sweet to see some true bonding between Elena and Preston, but before we take in too much of a tender moment, Preston suggests the reality TV Marriage Kiss of Death: a vow renewal! Oh no. Elena wants her family to be there since they weren’t able to be at their first wedding. 

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On last night’s Little Women: LA, truces were struck and twerks were had. We pick up at Terra Jole and Tonya Banks’ beach bonfire, where Jasmine Sorge is defending herself for the thousandth time against the wrath of Tonya. Jasmine finally apologizes “if she ever disrespected” Tonya, telling her they don’t have to be best friends to be cordial in the future. Tonya accepts, then offers an apology in return. Which is shocking. They even hug it out in the end…then the earth cracks open and swallows everyone up, because this here is some serious fiction. Or is it? Hard to tell these days!

Christy McGinty is meeting up with the dubiously titled “internet personalities” Pauly and GloZell (Green), who have used Christy in past comedy videos on YouTube. They’re making a new one titled “Lip Gloss” and want not only Christy, but her gaggle of friends to be part of it. Terra and Tonya are Pauly’s top 2 choices, but Christy’s nervous about getting Terra on board since she basically dissed her music video last year. She’s going to try her best though.

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