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Brooke Laughton

below-deck-mediterranean Captain Sandy's toast

Oh, Below Deck Mediterranean – y’all knew that you better bring your A++ Game when a friend of Captain Sandy Yawn‘s is the primary charter, but unfortunately Adam Glick was the only one studying up on How Not To End Up In The Bad Captain’s Log. Adam has been there, done that and you’d think Hannah Ferrier, a veteran of the naughty list herself, would know better!

Joao Franco is the douche of the high seas. A serious creep who makes my stomach churn like Kasey Cohen‘s aboard a super yacht! After ending their first crew night out by calling Hannah an over-the-hill goat, he bah, bah, blacksheeps about how he doesn’t have to listen to her because he’s his own man, not some chief stew’s bitch! Hannah sniffs that Joao’s nothing but a “chamois technician” – something which requires no skill, but somehow this show manages to find ALL the people who cannot handle the task!

Below Deck Mediterranean - Kasey Cohen

This season of Below Deck Mediterranean is turning into whatever the ocean version of a trainwreck is? The Titanic? An attack by one-eyed pirates with a taste for five-star cuisine. Anyway, it’s an high seas hot mess and Captain Sandy Yawn better get savvy about the impending crash of her $80M dollar yacht. There ain’t no smooth sailing ahead – especially with these shellfish-fearing hellfish onboard!

The most awful charter guests ever are still, unfortunately, demanding the entire crew stop doing things to make the boat run and go on a scavenger hunt for nuts. These women are nuts, and the only nuts they’re gonna get are walnuts – even though they are also seeking the male variety. Forever out of stock on Motor Yacht Talisman Maiton! Seriously – where do they find these people, I wonder, before learning they are from Atlanta and deciding they are probably somehow related to the Real Housewives from Hell.

Below Deck Mediterranean - Areca and Adam

Last night was the season premiere of Below Deck Mediterranean Season 3. The scene is set among the beautiful Italian coast, but that’s where the classiness ends!

This year Captain Sandy Yawn will be steering a massive new boat and she has a matching massive attitude. The Motor Yacht Talisman Maiton, for all it’s sensational size, kind of resembles a Marriott on the inside; all dark, heavy colors and dreary overdone rooms. Perfect to match Hannah Ferrier‘s sulkiness as she returns, once again, to the life of a chief stew. Hannah is turning 30 and is tired of serving eggs for ungrateful guests while her own go stale. She is at a precipice and must decide to give up her heart to the high seas, or retire and find Mr. Right. Maybe she could combine these things by marrying a pirate?

Captain Sandy Yawn

Grab your life preservers – literally – because season 3 of Below Deck Mediterranean is here! 

This year the crew takes off for Italy where they will infect the pristine blue waters with their toxic cesspool of fighting and inappropriate nudity – all led by the erstwhile Captain Sandy Yawn

Below Deck Mediterranean Returns For Season 3 With Almost A Whole New Cast

 

The love triangles on Below Deck Mediterranean Season 2 made it such an entertaining season to watch. Week after week, the story lines took unexpected twists and turns, so it would make sense to assume that a majority of the cast would return for the show’s third season.

However, that is not the case since it is basically a whole new cast on the third season.