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Bugsy Drake

Below Deck Mediterranean recap

Last week on Below Deck Mediterranean, we were left with a real conundrum – the Med’s most wanted deckhand Malia White couldn’t decide who she wanted to kiss more – Wesley Wiz Walton or Chef Adam GropesALot Glick. So she did what any girl who can’t decide would do and kissed both of them. Apparently, this is a big no no in Lauren Cohen’s world but really, it’s hard to take dating guidelines from the girl who went out on a group date with our favorite goon, Bobby Giancola, and hooked up with him anyway.

I mean, what year are we in here? I know the Mediterranean is full of history but I didn’t realize we set sail back in time. Who cares if Malia kissed two people? But the most annoying person on the planet crew, Lauren, refuses to let it go. She’s so desperate for everyone to like her that she throws girl code out the window and wastes no time slut shaming Malia to anyone who will listen. And the worst part is that she does it by running to tell everyone after seeing Malia with her lipstick smeared on her face. Funny how Lauren has been so upset with everyone talking about her but it’s perfectly okay for her to do the same to someone else.

captain-sandy

We rejoin Below Deck Mediterranean and the crew of the Sirocco in the midst of an anchor crisis. It’s been nine hours and they are still toiling away at trying to untangle their hopelessly twisted anchor. But Wesley Wiz Walton isn’t going to give up and poof! he manages to save the day (and the charter season) by setting the anchor free! Captain Sandy Yawn is thrilled and she’s not the only one. This is just one big turn on for the most eligible bachelorette on the Mediterranean: Deckhand Malia White.

Problem solving skills are sexy and Malia can’t help but swoon over Wiz coming to the boat’s rescue. That’s bad news for resident goon Bobby Giancola, who lost major points given his lack of simple math and not being able to stay calm under pressure. Of course he doesn’t know he didn’t really have a chance with Malia to begin with but that goes back to those math skills – if one sexy deckhand has two good looking crew members chasing after her and one giant ball of steroids that drunkenly yells at other women for c*ck blocking him, how many possible suitors does the sexy deckhand have left? Bobby is decidedly out of the equation.

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Below Deck Mediterranean

There are so many boating metaphors we can use when it comes to Below Deck Mediterranean but I’m going to skip those for now and draw on an analogy of sorts to describe this episode: above deck on the Sirocco, everything looks perfect and pretty but just below water, trouble is lurking. I’m not just talking about the rising tension (both sexual and otherwise) between the crew, I’m also talking about the yacht itself, which is experiencing problem after problem (after problem). First, the Sirocco was drifting too close to the rocky shoreline, putting to boat in harm’s way, along with everyone on it.This episode, it’s the anchor chain that has twisted to the point of no return.

But before we tackle the anchor problem, we still have to fix the original issue in progress, which is the yacht drifting into the rocks. The wind has picked up and Captain Sandy Yawn can’t deny that they are getting closer and closer to the rocky shoreline, which makes for great scenery, but would be really bad to get too close to (which is kind of how I view Chef Adam Glick).

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Below Deck Mediterranean recap

Last week’s episode of Below Deck Mediterranean showed us why a crew of young, good looking people who like to hook up with one another makes for great reality TV. We rejoin the Sirocco mid-blow up, with Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier and Deck Hand Bobby Giancola, continue to go toe-to-toe over what essentially boils down to a really bad case of blue balls for the night. That’s right, Viewers, they are drunkenly fighting over whether or not Hannah ruined Bobby’s chances of possibly hooking up with fellow Deck Hand Malia White.

Ahhh, this reminds me of the good ole days when I was young and carefree, going out and getting wasted with my friends on the Croatian coastline and then coming back to the yacht and arguing about who I get to hook up with. Oh wait, sorry, no that wasn’t me, because that isn’t a real problem or a real lifestyle that anyone can relate to so can these guys please spare me of all the dramatics? I know, I know, I sound bitter and I guess I am but I would like to move on from something so silly at this point. But alas, if we moved on, there wouldn’t be much for Bobby to throw a fit about and BOY, is he ever throwing a fit. My man Bobby really needs to get laid because he is just not letting this issue go and he’s still grumbling about it the next morning.

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Below Deck Mediterranean Recap

Despite all the drama Below Deck Mediterranean was teasing at the end of last week’s premiere, I still expected at least a few more episodes of smooth sailing until we saw anything major happen between the crew. But this week blew that assumption right out of the water as we were treated to Bobby Giancola’s weird game of cat and mouse with pretty much anyone who has a vagina.

Lord help you if Bobby has you in his sights because he will latch on like the overly tattooed python he is and attempt to squeeze every last ounce of refusal out of you and make you his woman. The only lady willing to stand up to this menacing goon is Chief Steward and defender of helpless female deckhands everywhere, Hannah Ferrier. Say what you want about Hannah being stuck up or annoying, when it comes to helping a sister out, she is right there, ready for battle like Wonder Woman (in a yachting outfit).

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Below Deck Mediterranean recap

I was pretty excited to learn Bravo renewed Below Deck Mediterranean after a jam packed season one. Maybe it’s the fighting and staff hook ups, maybe it’s the colorful, international cast, but mostly, it’s the backdrop of the gorgeous Mediterranean that I can’t get enough of. From my couch here in the good ole U-S-of A, a yacht sailing around Croatia is just what I need to remind myself that there is more adventure in the world than making it out of Target without spending a week’s paycheck. Sigh.

This season, the crew is sailing the seas on the Sirocco and Chief Steward Hannah Ferrier and Deckhand/Horny Bro Bobby Giancola have returned, much to my delight. Bobby is new and improved after quitting his fire fighter job, losing his spot on the shirtless fire hunks calendar, and getting some clear braces after all those fat tips from last season. What hasn’t improved is his high school level of immaturity when it comes to the ladies.

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BELOW DECK MEDITERRANEAN -- Season:2 -- Pictured: (l-r) Malia White, Hannah Ferrier, Bobby Giancola, Adam Glick, Sandy Yawn, Wes Walton, Lauren Cohen, Max Hagley, Bugsy Drake -- (Photo by: Virginia Sherwood/Bravo)

They’re baaack! Below Deck Mediterranean season 2 kicks off May 2nd with an almost brand new cast and our first female captain!

The only season 1 crew members coming back for another go are Bobby Giancola and Hannah Ferrier. Ben Robinson had announced last month that he would no longer appear on EITHER of the Below Deck shows and we pretty much knew that Danny Zureikat was a no-go! So who do we have this season? Newcomers Malia White, Adam Glick, Captain Sandy Yawn, Wes Walton, Lauren Cohen, Max Hagley, and Bugsy Drake. Keep reading for their profiles.

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