On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas, we celebrated LeeAnne Locken‘s wedding with the first of many nonsensical parties. This particularly onerous event was a mid-afternoon circus-themed lingerie shower that was thrown by Stephanie Hollman and former Housewife Cary Deuber. Basically, LeeAnne needed them to pay for it.
Clearly, LeeAnne believes she’s owed a free party because she’s done SO much to promote Mark Deuber‘s career! In fact, all of these numerous pre-wedding festivities are basically an opportunity for LeeAnne to exploit parties and presents from people. Stephanie even says as much when she and Cary list out all the gifts they’ll have to buy and reveal that LeeAnne actually planned her entire lingerie shower herself, but had the bills sent to them.
Aaaaahhhh… Viva la Mexico with the Real Housewives Of Dallas. Friends, or foes, who’s to know but napkins went flying, mediation mallets weren’t calming, and peeing in public took place! Oh, and this is only Kameron Westcott‘s behavior we’re talking about!
It’s hard night, good morning — or not! After said hard night of dealing with LeeAnne Locken‘s drama the good is mighty forced. Especially from LeeAnne herself. Stephanie Hollman was so agitated out she puked at 2am, to exorcise all the bad juju. But at least she was quiet so Kameron didn’t have to hear anything icky-o, right girl?
Last night, the Real Housewives Of Dallas traveled to Careyes, Mexico to visit Kary Brittingham‘s amazing family resort. Unfortunately, LeeAnne Locken forgot to pack her positivity panties and instead was like the human equivalent of having a yeast infection on vaycay. LeeAnne should’ve stay-away-cayed so Kameron Westcott could’ve fit another grande bago on the plane instead.
It’s just a casual morning here in Dallas, where our favorite Housewives are preparing for their day. Most people stumble to the coffee pot, but Kameron is perfectly coiffed with her eyelashes affixed, and is calmly blowing up a whoopee cushion then inviting Court to sit down. Kameron apparently didn’t know what a whoopee cushion is because she made a face like Court shoved a K-Cup up his hoo-hah during an impromptu pageant amongst friends in a private home. Class, Court, Claaaaaaays.
Meanwhile, Travis Hollman just got Housewiv’d! No, that’s not what he calls having sex with Stephanie Hollman. It’s when one receives an ultimate arrogant social slight. In this case, D’Andra Simmons stands Travis up for a business meeting, because her hair was getting did all night. D’Andra never even bothered to tell Travis directly that she needed to reschedule. Instead, she texted Stephanie at 1:30 am to cancel because she had a hair emergency. Suuuuper profesh, Daaandra!
New York Fashion Week was the place to be for reality TV star sightings. Tinsley Mortimer returned to the runway as a model. Real Houswives of New York stars Sonja Morgan, Ramona Singer, Luann de Lesseps, and Dorinda Medley were on hand to support. Sonja even hosted a fashion show of her own.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills OG Kyle Richards had her first fashion week show. Erika Jayne, Dorit Kemsley, Lisa Rinna, and Denise Richards had a great time walking in Kyle’s show. On the other hand, Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave was not happy about her reception at fashion week. She admitted that she cried in response to the criticism about her walk, which is odd since she didn’t cry when Kyle made fun of it on RHOBH last season.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas D’Andra Simmons celebrated her 50th birthday by asking all her friends to make fun of her on national TV. Then she got a big box of donuts for a present. To each their own, I suppose!
Here in Dallas we don’t just do squats. We electrocute our gluteus muscles with electrodes attached to every part of our bodies while we “sim-u-late” a 1987 Curves workout. Well, this is what Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott are doing instead of hitting the gym and getting CoolSculpting. It’s called “90/20.” It goes through the motions of a 90 minute exercise while you wear some biomedical lab catsuit which is supposed to deeply sculpt all your muscles in 2o minutes.
Doing this gives Stephanie more time to eat corn nuts or pickles off Travis‘ chest. Or you know, whatever. It’s also been a great opportunity for Steph and Kam to bond away from the group and all the drama of D’Andra and LeeAnne Locken.
Looks like LeeAnne Locken‘s road to wedded bliss is going to be rocky this season on The Real Housewives of Dallas.
The lead-up to the RHOD OG’s big day provides much of her personal storyline for Season 4. However, her bestie Kameron Westcott recently revealed that none of the other full-time ‘Wives showed up for the bridal shower she threw for LeeAnne.
It’s a new, lighter season of Real Housewives Of Dallas – at least hair follicle-wise! Oh, haha – who am I kidding these ladies still hate each other! Well, LeeAnne Locken and D’Andra Simmons do anyway.
Get ready for another season of LeeAnne and D’Andra battling for title of Queen Bee. LeeAnne even references her pageant past in her tagline, and of course she’s wearing a crown for her wedding. Marrying Rich Emberlin is her crowning achievement after all – right after being the self-proclaimed Philanthropy Hub of Dallas. Did I mention that I love this show?
LeeAnne blames D’Andra for their reconciliation stalling. After all, D’Andra never reached out after the reunion, despite promising that she would after apologizing for saying Rich cheated. Thankfully we did not have to hear a long tearful spiel about LeeAnne’s abandonment issues and her amygdala being hyper-sensitive to false promises, which further degrade her fragile carnie heart, which is all LeeAnne’s mother’s fault for letting the tilt-a-whirl operator babysit her – or some crazy shit that causes one to poop in a bag after ripping your belt off in the name of Jesus. LeeAnne’s trust issues make her see relationships like cotton candy: they look so beautiful and full, but evaporate as soon as she gets too close with her hot air.
Is anyone else as happy as I am to see Real Housewives Of Dallas return for a 4th season?
RHOD may not pull in the most ratings, but it’s a sleeper success. It’s chock-full of a dynamic and dramatic cast predicated on true friendships. This season Cary Deuber was demoted to the friend zone while newbie Kary Brittingham joined the cast as a full-time Housewife.