We may have thought this season of 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After has gotten as stupid as possible, but like The Family Chantel prophesied: It’s about to get a little bit more stupider. And last night, allllll of the crazies came out to play! It was a jam-packed episode with stink bombs exploding in every direction, so let’s get right to it.
Annie & David
David’s sister Nancy is in town so, naturally, it’s time to hit her up for money. At least that’s what the agenda is in David’s world. He’s also conscripted Annie into making dinner for Sister David, even though it means he has to cough up fifty bucks at the Asian food store for shrimp. Thank goodness he still has Chris’s credit card in that billfold because this fine establishment does NOT trade in water buffalo.
It’s a great week for America, and not just because Independence Day is coming up. Next week for the first time ever, TLC is allowing viewers to weigh in on the delicious drama that our beloved 90 Day Fiancé franchise has served up over the years. On July 8, a regular 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After episode will be followed by a one-hour LIVE broadcast hosted by superfan comedian Michelle Collins!
Joining Michelle will be 90 Day alums Danielle Mullins-Jbali (yep, she’s apparently hanging on to that Jbali for life) and Loren Brovarnik (of Loren and “sexy Alexi” fame). TLC has also invited Tanisha Thomas (Bad Girls Club, TV host), Jordan from the Nation of Recap and – ME! Yes, I will proudly be representing reality TV fans and my podcast (Pink Shade With Erin Martin) to offer commentary on all of our favorite train wrecks. Confession: When I heard the news, I might have peed a little bit. Let’s just say I am WAY more excited about this than Azan is about marrying Nicole. #FiftySIXPercent
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. Both a little scared, neither one prepared…everyone on this freaking show. Okay, it’s not a fairytale, but it does involve some witches, evil spells and even a trip to the magical land of genies! Yes, this week’s 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After continues its journey into the abyss as a sweaty, grumpy Nicole lands in Morocco with poor little May while Azan rallies as much enthusiasm as he can muster for the marriage he never wanted. Molly flees her own home to escape Luis, Anfisa tries to threaten the truth out of Jorge (um, hint: it ain’t working!), and Chantel decides she still hates Pedro’s sister as much as The Family Chantel hates driving anywhere in separate vehicles.
Annie sinks into a deeper depression about her life with David in the firehouse, and Paola drones on about thirty minutes too long about why she can’t choose between Juan and Russ. Oh, the humanity! Since we have another full two hours of trash to root through, let’s dive right into the pile and begin with Nicole and Azan, shall we? Because they really are at the tippety top of the stank heap.
90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After is back tonight with more lies, more betrayals, and “love story” that’s transported itself from a motel in Florida all the way over to Morocco. Yup, Nicole has landed. Azan’s family: Please prepare the boiled sheep head.
Previews reveal Anfisa grilling Jorge some more about his trip to the divorce lawyers, which he vehemently denied last week. Even though cameras filmed him there, his sister Lourdes was present, and producers straight up CALLED HIM OUT on the facts. When confronted with the truth, Jorge’s only defense is deny, deny, deny. Thus, the fact that he’s filming his every move on a reality show is not working out for him.
Last night we saw the dimmest minuscule smidgeon of a brain cell fire in Nicole’s head. Why? Because she finally got a half-clue about Azan not being the stand up guy she thought he was for the past 3 years. You know – the guy who’s all too happy to sit on his unemployed buttocks all day, renewing his gym membership and going out to midnight coffee bars on Nicole’s Starbucks paycheck? Well, maybe not just on Nicole’s paycheck…because it seems Azan has other fish on his hook. And they might not demand as many french fries or shoulder sniffs as Nicole?
At the beginning of the show, Nicole gets a call mid-interview that alerts her about voicemails leaked online that sound very much like Azan telling someone he wants to kiss them, that “the kiss was good” and “I know you want it.” <dry heave> It’s unmistakably him, except he sounds breathy and gross in some sort of attempt at sexytimes talk. Much like Annie’s “boom boom” sex speech, we can never un-hear this. KILL ME.
It’s time to party down with the star-crossed couples of 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After. Another week, another disaster awaits!
Last week left us with Nicole shopping for wedding gowns (that she expects her mother to buy) in anticipation of her Moroccan wedding to Azan. Only one hitch: Has Azan actually AGREED to this plan yet? Because correct me if I’m wrong, but our man never actually said, “Yes, please! Come on over here and let’s get married!” Did he? Are we missing something?
No one learned jack squat on last night’s 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After, but that’s the cost of
catfishing for spouses online doing business, I guess. We were schooled on a few things, however, such as how ridiculously clueless Nicole’s parents actually think she is, why David was too busy purchasing a wife to make time for his children, and just how many drinks it takes before Pedro starts (almost) throwing punches at The Family Chantel. Basically, this show is the education we never knew we needed. So, let’s toss aside the formalities and head right to dimwit school!
Nicole & Azan
Nicole emerges into daylight – which could really be the entire arc of today’s story for her – to meet with her stepdad and mother, Robbalee. May is happy to see other humans who will actually interact with her, and Nicole’s stepdad is happy to have the opportunity to lay the smack down. He can’t believe how much money Nicole has funneled to Azan in the past few years. “She’s making a bad mistake,” says Captain Obvious. “She’s very ignorant.” Um, yep. Thanks in advance for the title of Nicole’s forthcoming unauthorized biography.
Another Sunday night, another 2-hour installment of everyone’s favorite cautionary tale: 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After. Tonight’s show takes us on a journey from Nicole’s roach-infested hovel to David’s firehouse apartment (where I’m convinced he’s currently seeking squatter’s rights to avoid paying rent).
Nicole’s parents try to bang some sense into their daughter’s very dense head, but she refuses to budge about her plans to marry Azan in Morocco. Somewhere in Casablanca, windows are being boarded up and locks are being changed as this conversation occurs…