Christine Brown

How many weeks of Sister Wives do we have left until Meri Brown can head for the hills? Apparently, not many! The two-part family tell-all starts next week, which means we’ll get to see more of Kody Brown’s ponytail than should be legal. But at least there is an end in sight, even if it means we’ll never get to see the visit from Meri’s co-catfish comrade.

Last night’s episode begins, and the family is excited to welcome baby Axel after Madison’s long labor. Robyn brings King Solomon and her latest child to meet the newborn, and Solomon is unimpressed. Robyn waxes poetic about the random generational divides in polygamist families. Her youngest child is closer in age to Axel than brother Solomon.

Oh Sister Wives. At this point, you’re just throwing story lines at a dart board and seeing what sticks. Am I right? However, TLC knows we’re going to tune into the OG pligs just as a place holder for whatever new and disturbing intriguing polygamist rodeo comes on after Kody Brown and crew. I mean, those ladies make Meri, Robyn and Christine look completely normal. As for Janelle, she’s normal enough regardless.

Let’s start with childbirth, shall we? Madison and Caleb are meeting with their midwife to discuss the home delivery. Baby Axel will be arriving in about two months. Caleb is nervous about a natural childbirth outside of the hospital. He’s used to babies being delivered in the hospital. However, polygamists are veterans at home births. The thought behind this issue is not having the father signing a birth certificate that could point to the baby being born into a polygamist family. Madison is hoping for a water birth. Kody’s wives reminisce about their own home births. Caleb is wary…if he thinks Madison needs to go to the hospital, he’s taking her to the hospital.

It wouldn’t be Sister Wives if the Brown family wasn’t getting together for a random dinner. Meri is hosting the family for a St. Patrick’s Day dinner, and Mariah is over the moon in her relationship with Audrey. Meri thinks Mariah’s girlfriend is a perfect fit in the family, and she’s glad her situation with her daughter is improving. The older kids all get along so well, and Maddie is about to pop at seven months pregnant. Janelle is trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’s going to be a grandmother. Kody snarks about the dinner spread, but someone wearing that denim monstrosity shouldn’t be so judgmental. He enlists Caleb to do the blessing because he thinks his son-in-law speaks from the heart even though he doesn’t believe in polygamy. Christine and Kody both admit to being close minded earlier in their lives, but they are now more welcoming to different view points. Mykelti and Tony arrive, and Tony just beat the hell out of Kody in the worst dressed awards. I can’t believe I went to watching the Oscar red carpet to the cul-de-sac fashion roundup!

Christine teases Audrey about her culinary skills as Meri unveils the dessert. It’s a store bought cake with a leprechaun and a rainbow. Meri jokes that the rainbow isn’t for the holiday but for her recently out daughter. Audrey rewards her with a high five, and Christine plans to needlepoint Audrey a rainbow pillow with the phrase, “It’s not about being Irish, it’s about being gay.” She needs to be selling those bad boys in My Sister Wife’s Closet. The parents discuss that the younger kids aren’t aware that Audrey is Mariah’s girlfriend, but the ones who do are very accepting. Robyn has told King Solomon, but he didn’t have much of an opinion since he’s four.

Happy Monday, friends! I know it’s technically February, but the Sister Wives have made it feel a lot like March the last few weeks if you catch my drift! After opening their arms to Mariah’s girlfriend as Meri and Janelle fearfully (yet somewhat open minded-ly) participated in the women’s march on Washington, the focus has turned to a much more important cause as far as Kody Brown as concerned. He wants to make sure polygamists are granted the same civil rights as everyone else…including homosexuals who seem to be on a cake walk according to Kody.

In a tizzy, Kody has enlisted Christine to call together the wives. The law suit that the family brought against Utah in the wake Brown crew being forced to flee Utah for the Vegas cul-de-sac compound has been dismissed. Janelle, Robyn, and Meri are extremely emotional and ready to fight for their rights. Christine and Janelle are fearful to move back to Utah, and all of the wives cite they have been the most public polygamists fighting for their plural family. Most other polygamous families maintain in hiding. There is a new bill scheduled to be heard which makes how they are living a felony in Utah. Kody is ready to march on the state house to make sure this bill isn’t passed.

Well guys, last night on Sister Wives we traded tacos and matrimonial entitlement for pink p knit caps and female empowerment. I’d say that’s an improvement, wouldn’t you? While I’m still not on board with this whole “two hour episode” format, I’ll watch Meri Brown uncomfortably support her daughter while Kody bitches about civil rights for polygamists any day if it means Tony is absent. Throw in an overly giddy Christine, less screen time for Robyn, a therapy session with Janelle, and a glass of Malbec, and it’s quite a nice little cozy evening.

In case you missed it, Mariah has purple hair and she’s still as sullen as ever. She’s summoned her mother and Janelle and both are beyond nervous and curious as to the reason behind the meeting. She invites them both to the Women’s March on Washington. I am dying laughing. I feel like knitting pussy hats is the hobby Christine didn’t know she needed. Mariah cites both ladies as being supportive of her journey. Janelle is intrigued and emotional and open to the idea, and Meri is all, um, is this an LGBT thing? Meri feels like this invitation from her daughter is a step in the right direction to fix their fractured relationship.

You know you’ve been waiting with baited breath for this Sister Wives wedding…even if it did happen over a year ago. Timely or not, Kody’s Brown’s hair, Christine’s crazy eyes, and Robyn’s whining did not disappoint. Even Meri smiled a few times! It’s a wedding miracle! Oh, and Janelle was there too, watching as Mykelti and Tony sealed their vows with a freezing kiss. I’m just glad their lips didn’t get stuck together a la that kid and the flag pole in A Christmas Story. Let’s dive on into this mess, shall we?

The Brown family only has an hour to set up for the wedding of the century. Mykelti has all hands on deck (and then some), and Kody is quick to point out that Tony didn’t have to do the 7 am wake-up call. Christine is rocking a Don’t Mess With The MOB (mother-of-the-bride) t-shirt, and it. is. everything. As the seldom seen Brown teens hang decorations, Taunya and the rest of the crew at Bloomington Country Club is second guessing its free publicity.