I don’t know what is going on with Real Housewives Of Dallas, but the prevailing theme this year seems to be how LeeAnne Locken deals with her ghosts, vs. how everyone else deals with their ghosts. Last night LeeAnne, once again, tangled with Kary Brittingham over the past, who had it worse and who handles it better – and that past includes what to do with the problem of D’Andra Simmons.
LeeAnne’s nonstop wedding festivities are taking a toll on everyone, that’s for sure!
In between partying and being a Real Housewife, Brandi Redmond finds time to be an actual housewife by taking her girls to cheerleading practice. Brooklyn and Brinkley have a try-out coming up. They get gymnastics lessons and one-on-one coaching. In contrast, Brandi recalls how she taught herself back walkovers by throwing herself over the hill near her trailer park.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas, we celebrated LeeAnne Locken‘s wedding with the first of many nonsensical parties. This particularly onerous event was a mid-afternoon circus-themed lingerie shower that was thrown by Stephanie Hollman and former Housewife Cary Deuber. Basically, LeeAnne needed them to pay for it.
Clearly, LeeAnne believes she’s owed a free party because she’s done SO much to promote Mark Deuber‘s career! In fact, all of these numerous pre-wedding festivities are basically an opportunity for LeeAnne to exploit parties and presents from people. Stephanie even says as much when she and Cary list out all the gifts they’ll have to buy and reveal that LeeAnne actually planned her entire lingerie shower herself, but had the bills sent to them.
Whew – what an emotional episode of Real Housewives Of Dallas. These ladies go there like no other franchise except for New York. They are raw, open, and funny at the same time.
So, it’s the last day in Mexico and apparently if you’re from Dallas the word Mexico means “drama”.
After a particularly heinous night fighting over who is the trash and who needs to take it out, LeeAnne Locken wakes up as a girl does: fighting with a native bird and peeing herself, which is the new coffee. Then she has a heart-to-heart with Kameron Westcott about the fight with Brandi Redmond.
Aaaaahhhh… Viva la Mexico with the Real Housewives Of Dallas. Friends, or foes, who’s to know but napkins went flying, mediation mallets weren’t calming, and peeing in public took place! Oh, and this is only Kameron Westcott‘s behavior we’re talking about!
It’s hard night, good morning — or not! After said hard night of dealing with LeeAnne Locken‘s drama the good is mighty forced. Especially from LeeAnne herself. Stephanie Hollman was so agitated out she puked at 2am, to exorcise all the bad juju. But at least she was quiet so Kameron didn’t have to hear anything icky-o, right girl?
Last night, the Real Housewives Of Dallas traveled to Careyes, Mexico to visit Kary Brittingham‘s amazing family resort. Unfortunately, LeeAnne Locken forgot to pack her positivity panties and instead was like the human equivalent of having a yeast infection on vaycay. LeeAnne should’ve stay-away-cayed so Kameron Westcott could’ve fit another grande bago on the plane instead.
It’s just a casual morning here in Dallas, where our favorite Housewives are preparing for their day. Most people stumble to the coffee pot, but Kameron is perfectly coiffed with her eyelashes affixed, and is calmly blowing up a whoopee cushion then inviting Court to sit down. Kameron apparently didn’t know what a whoopee cushion is because she made a face like Court shoved a K-Cup up his hoo-hah during an impromptu pageant amongst friends in a private home. Class, Court, Claaaaaaays.
Meanwhile, Travis Hollman just got Housewiv’d! No, that’s not what he calls having sex with Stephanie Hollman. It’s when one receives an ultimate arrogant social slight. In this case, D’Andra Simmons stands Travis up for a business meeting, because her hair was getting did all night. D’Andra never even bothered to tell Travis directly that she needed to reschedule. Instead, she texted Stephanie at 1:30 am to cancel because she had a hair emergency. Suuuuper profesh, Daaandra!
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas D’Andra Simmons celebrated her 50th birthday by asking all her friends to make fun of her on national TV. Then she got a big box of donuts for a present. To each their own, I suppose!
Here in Dallas we don’t just do squats. We electrocute our gluteus muscles with electrodes attached to every part of our bodies while we “sim-u-late” a 1987 Curves workout. Well, this is what Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott are doing instead of hitting the gym and getting CoolSculpting. It’s called “90/20.” It goes through the motions of a 90 minute exercise while you wear some biomedical lab catsuit which is supposed to deeply sculpt all your muscles in 2o minutes.
Doing this gives Stephanie more time to eat corn nuts or pickles off Travis‘ chest. Or you know, whatever. It’s also been a great opportunity for Steph and Kam to bond away from the group and all the drama of D’Andra and LeeAnne Locken.
It’s a new, lighter season of Real Housewives Of Dallas – at least hair follicle-wise! Oh, haha – who am I kidding these ladies still hate each other! Well, LeeAnne Locken and D’Andra Simmons do anyway.
Get ready for another season of LeeAnne and D’Andra battling for title of Queen Bee. LeeAnne even references her pageant past in her tagline, and of course she’s wearing a crown for her wedding. Marrying Rich Emberlin is her crowning achievement after all – right after being the self-proclaimed Philanthropy Hub of Dallas. Did I mention that I love this show?
LeeAnne blames D’Andra for their reconciliation stalling. After all, D’Andra never reached out after the reunion, despite promising that she would after apologizing for saying Rich cheated. Thankfully we did not have to hear a long tearful spiel about LeeAnne’s abandonment issues and her amygdala being hyper-sensitive to false promises, which further degrade her fragile carnie heart, which is all LeeAnne’s mother’s fault for letting the tilt-a-whirl operator babysit her – or some crazy shit that causes one to poop in a bag after ripping your belt off in the name of Jesus. LeeAnne’s trust issues make her see relationships like cotton candy: they look so beautiful and full, but evaporate as soon as she gets too close with her hot air.
Real Housewives of Dallas star LeeAnne Locken got engaged to Rich Emberlin two seasons ago. Last season, D’Andra Simmons gave her a hard time about setting the date… among other things. Now, the future Mr. and Mrs. Emberlin have a date and they are moving full speed ahead with the pre-wedding events.
Fellow RHOD cast member Kameron Westcott even threw the wedding shower. It was a co-ed affair with significant others included. However, not everyone in the cast made the cut since it was a private event with about twenty people. Who was there? Who wasn’t? How did everything look?