Well, everything stayed the same on Real Housewives Of New York except for one little fairy, who reclaimed her light, and flew away to the hope of a giant walk-in closet with a promising sparkle in her eye. That’s right, Tinsley Mortimer has left the building. Specifically, she’s left the long-term hotel she was living in.
In secret Tinsley went on an overnight rendezvous to visit Scott Kluth. Then she decided, on a whim, to return to NY, pack her stuff and move to Chicago! It was now or never. It was that or be looking down the barrel of turning into either Ramona Singer or Dorinda Medley. Tinsley does not need to learn her lesson twice as to what happens when you choose Real Housewives Of New York over being a real and actual housewife. She doesn’t want to be crying over eggs for the rest of her life!
On tonight’s Real Housewives of New York episode, Tinsley Mortimer told the cast that she was back with Scott Kluth and she’s moving to Chicago. Well, you can’t be a New York Housewife if you don’t actually reside in New York. And since we all know Tins and Scott are engaged at this point, it’s been understood for a while that this has to be Tinsley’s last season on the show.
While the episode aired, Tinsley shared some words about her experience as a Housewife on social media. And, spoiler alert: she used past tense verbs, signifying the end of her time on the show.
If Dorit Kemsley were designing a dining room for the women of Real Housewives Of New York it would require padded walls (and floors), plus a vacuum that descended from the ceiling to pick loose clumps of food and spilled drinks. It would also need each table to come equipped with a megaphone and tissue dispensers. And possibly, if we’re being really ambitious it would need men, of any ilk and sort, schlubby, stuffy, dad bod, inappropriately clad, drunk, dull, droids – whatever as look as they seem convincing male-ish, they’ll pass. And never get between a Real Housewife of New York and a man!
In Newport, Rhode Island where Ramona Singer is pretending to be of the puritanical Mayfair class that Tinsley Mortimer hails from, no one can behave. Leah McSweeney is throwing anything she can pick up, and now they’re in yet another bar having yet another emotional meltdown. Honestly — someone just put hormones in their drinks because it’s like everyone in this cast is constantly PMSing.
I love Real Housewives Of New York. Also, I want to hang out with them. The FOMO is worse than ever with this whole quarantine thing and everything. I will drink 10 martinis and lose my mind with Leah McSweeney. I will tear down the genteel (only-in-delusion) Upper East Side establishment – starting with their flowers. I will burn Newport to the ground with a fire of toasted marshmallows and vodka. It will be great. Ramona Singer can take her wannabe elegance and stuff it like a lobster roll.
Anyway, Ramona has invited all the Real Housewives of New York ladies to beautiful and sophisticated Newport, RI where she’s attempting to refashion herself into some sort of elegant grand dame in the search of a wealthy husband. Pssst…. Turtle Time, that ship has sailed. Meanwhile, there is Tinsley Mortimer, whose family actually owns a house in Newport where they spend summers. They winter in Palm Beach.
See, this is why they hate Tinsley. It’s not her screeching, or the whining, or the Power Puff Girl makeup with plastic-y tears, it’s the access. The blue bloodstock that doesn’t come from marrying up, and won’t dry-up with divorce.
This show … I just can’t get enough of Real Housewives Of New York! From Leah McSweeney instructing Tinsley Mortimer to go gangster – or “Cardi Llama” on Dorinda Medley; to Ramona Singer‘s condom situations, to the Russian baths with ginger vodka and Luann de Lesseps‘ bush coming back to haunt her. RHONY is the glimmer of unstoppable hope for Real Housewives everywhere. May you never change, no matter how far you stray uptown.
So on that note, Leah, Luann, and Tinsley are all sick after their day at the orchards. Well, I think we know where Coronavirus started! The Countesses’ cough. This is an unlikely trifecta for a brunch date, Luann is a surprisingly good foible for Leah and Tinsley. Also Luann looks phenomenal. She is literally aging backwards as she struts up to the table like someone told her the sidewalk was a cabaret stage. All the world’s a stage, darlings!
Tinsley is late, and when she arrives, she is distraught. Is Tinsley every any other way? Dale Mercer clearly didn’t warn Tinsley that her face would freeze this way, because it has.
According to Ramona Singer all the ladies on Real Housewives Of New York are going through a transition, and have found themselves single. Which is true. Before Dorinda Medley dumped John Mahdessian, she was the only woman on this show in a relationship. Unless you count Tinsley Mortimer dating “Bruce.”
Who does Tinsley think she’s fooling? Bruce was a made-up man to shut Dale Mercer up and hopefully make Scott Kluth jealous.
Anyway, it’s fall in New York and the weather is wonderful so all the ladies are meeting outside in various parks to take walks and gossip. If this were a RomCom they’d keep bumping into each other on random benches and eventually fall in love. But this is Real Housewives, so if they ran into each other on random benches they’d actually just find the other person talking shit about them to their other friends, then they’d fall into hate.
Oh, Real Housewives Of New York, you never fail to disappoint. Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well it’s you girl[s], and you should know it!
Love may not be all around, though, but the opposite of love and just as passionate, is hate which is aplenty! Especially when it comes to Dorinda Medley‘s passionate animosity towards Tinsley Mortimer. Seriously – whaaaaat? Hating Tinsley is like hating the lone sock floating around the laundry forever without a mate. Hating Tinsley is like resenting an earring back that doesn’t quite fit snugly to any of your earrings. Hating Tinsley is like going to Costco and getting stuck bad samples.
What I mean is that none of these things should generate strong enough feelings to reach the intensity of anger Dorinda has towards Tinsley. Because what Dorinda truly hates is that her life has gone on without Richard andis no longer the fairy tale it was.