Let’s face it, some things will be different when Juicy Joe is a free man. He has been on the inside for a good three years. Times have changed. Not only that, but so has Teresa. Will Joe be able to orient himself to a new way of life? When he went in, Teresa was a proud “old school” Italian wife. She deferred to Joe for advice on both personal and financial matters. Now, she might want to skip the latter from this point forward. Since Joe’s incarceration, Teresa has taken it upon herself to show her newly found independence and has declared herself a “different person”.
A part of me feels bad about the demise of Margaret Josephs and Danielle Staub’sfriendship. But, a significantly larger part of me is just grateful for the entertainment. This season of Real Housewives of New Jersey has truly delivered. We have Margaret vs. Danielle to thank for a lot of the season’s best moments.
Danielle had several bridezilla freakouts because she wanted the most expensive gifts and all of the attention on her (at all times). She forced middle age women to wear “bride squad” bathing suits for a photo shoot. She flipped out when the ladies showed up with freshly washed hair before the wedding. Danielle was downright searching for storylines, I mean problems, this season. Now, their tension has turned into a full-on feud. Margaret even threw a glass of red wine at Danielle during last night’s episode.
Seriously, what could go wrong? (Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.
Margaret Josephsteased “glass breaking, crying, screaming, and pushing” during the big fight. She even said that every single cast member gets involved. Is it time for the next Real Housewives of New Jersey episode yet? I am so ready.
Of course, the two of them aren’t just keeping their feud to themselves. Pretty much everyone in the cast is taking sides. Teresa Giudice has remained loyal to Danielle. Jackie Goldschneider is on Margaret’s side, of course. Melissa Gorgais semi-neutral, but mostly #TeamMargaret. Dolores Catania has been against Danielle’s (attempted) comeback from the start. And then there’s Jennifer Aydin, whose lipliner reminded Margaret of a “monkey’s asshole.” Obviously, she’s against Margaret at this point.
So last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey welcomed Teresa Giudice back into the land of tequila with minimal drama (that’s saved for next week!). Margaret Josephs does her best to be relevant, and while I really like her, she’s sinking down to a level she shouldn’t…or maybe she’s required to–this is reality television after all! Thankfully the kids scenes were kept to a minimum. I know several readers didn’t appreciate my snarky request not to snark on the kids, but we can all agree we are here to snark…I just like keeping it to the adults who signed up for this circus! As always, thank you for reading, and now, let’s get to slinging super bronzed snark!
The RHONJ episode opens with the ladies and their families prepping for their day a la Southern Charm’s formula. Teresa is sharing her very tiny wardrobe for the upcoming bodybuilding competition with daughters Audriana, Gabriella, and Gia. Audriana calls it like she sees it. The outfit is gross and is certainly going to go up her mom’s butt. Teresa shares that she was nervous to tell incarcerated husband Joe Guidice that she was participating in such an event due to his jealous tendencies. She’s relieved that he is not only supportive, but he hopes she wins. Realizing she can’t change her mother’s tiny-weeny-bikini choices, Audriana remembers the ol’ “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” mantra and models some seriously killer poses her mom should use on the catwalk.
A very huge thank you to The Marvelous Mrs. Mary for covering the Real Housewives of New Jersey recap last week when I was traveling for my day job. She always calls it like she sees it, and these women require a lot of attention. Finally, Teresa Giudice seems to be getting along with sister-in-law Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider, the newbie who broke Tre code early on in the season. Jennifer Aydin is still harping on Jackie’s stupid article in the wake of her trip to Turkey. Give it up, already! Does anyone even read this paper they keep mentioning? Sheesh. Even Margaret Josephs has sunk below the fray with her recent comments about Jennifer’s brother’s engagements. Can’t we all just get along? No. I know the answer will always be “no.”
That said, I’d give my eye teeth to watch a Dolores Catania/Danielle Staub smackdown to energize this RHONJ lull! If we can’t have that nugget, I guess I’ll settle for a Marty Caffrey/Joe Benigno Italian grinder seasoned with a Joe Gorga voice of reason. For dessert? A heaping portion of Milania Giudice’s rap debut–mad props to her for having the guts to perform in front of all of those people! I’m full…but these folks are FULL OF IT!