Had you been waiting with bated breath like me for last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey? All week I pondered who would prevail in the battle of Envy by Melissa Gorga and Jennifer Aydin’s tacky Chanel. Frankly, I wouldn’t put my money on either of them to throw down after Margaret Josephs doused Danielle Staub with Dolores Catania’s wine, but crazier things have happened in Cabo! Also, I appreciate the RHONJ’s producers for giving us a “to be continued” episode last week. What’s that old saying? People in garish houses shouldn’t throw glass? Jennifer gets in Melissa’s face, and Melissa quickly retreats. Dolores steps in to intimidate Jennifer, and Danielle intervenes. No matter how much Danielle hates Dolores, she respects her ability to beat Jennifer’s monkey’s ass lip liner.
Dolores takes a walk to cool off. Margaret confides in Jackie Goldschneider about how disappointed she is in Teresa Giudice’s behavior. She thought they were friends. Why is Teresa condoning Danielle (and subsequently Jennifer’s) abhorrent behavior? Teresa chases down Melissa who is disgusted by her sister-in-law’s loyalty. Dolores approaches to second Melissa’s assertions. Tre is peeved by their statements while Melissa and Dolores find Jackie and Margaret to share what escalated. At the bar, Teresa, Jennifer, and Danielle defend their actions. At least Teresa tries to show Jennifer the error of her ways…sort of.
Let’s face it, some things will be different when Juicy Joe is a free man. He has been on the inside for a good three years. Times have changed. Not only that, but so has Teresa. Will Joe be able to orient himself to a new way of life? When he went in, Teresa was a proud “old school” Italian wife. She deferred to Joe for advice on both personal and financial matters. Now, she might want to skip the latter from this point forward. Since Joe’s incarceration, Teresa has taken it upon herself to show her newly found independence and has declared herself a “different person”.
A part of me feels bad about the demise of Margaret Josephs and Danielle Staub’sfriendship. But, a significantly larger part of me is just grateful for the entertainment. This season of Real Housewives of New Jersey has truly delivered. We have Margaret vs. Danielle to thank for a lot of the season’s best moments.
Danielle had several bridezilla freakouts because she wanted the most expensive gifts and all of the attention on her (at all times). She forced middle age women to wear “bride squad” bathing suits for a photo shoot. She flipped out when the ladies showed up with freshly washed hair before the wedding. Danielle was downright searching for storylines, I mean problems, this season. Now, their tension has turned into a full-on feud. Margaret even threw a glass of red wine at Danielle during last night’s episode.
Seriously, what could go wrong? (Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.
Margaret Josephsteased “glass breaking, crying, screaming, and pushing” during the big fight. She even said that every single cast member gets involved. Is it time for the next Real Housewives of New Jersey episode yet? I am so ready.
Of course, the two of them aren’t just keeping their feud to themselves. Pretty much everyone in the cast is taking sides. Teresa Giudice has remained loyal to Danielle. Jackie Goldschneider is on Margaret’s side, of course. Melissa Gorgais semi-neutral, but mostly #TeamMargaret. Dolores Catania has been against Danielle’s (attempted) comeback from the start. And then there’s Jennifer Aydin, whose lipliner reminded Margaret of a “monkey’s asshole.” Obviously, she’s against Margaret at this point.
So last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey welcomed Teresa Giudice back into the land of tequila with minimal drama (that’s saved for next week!). Margaret Josephs does her best to be relevant, and while I really like her, she’s sinking down to a level she shouldn’t…or maybe she’s required to–this is reality television after all! Thankfully the kids scenes were kept to a minimum. I know several readers didn’t appreciate my snarky request not to snark on the kids, but we can all agree we are here to snark…I just like keeping it to the adults who signed up for this circus! As always, thank you for reading, and now, let’s get to slinging super bronzed snark!
The RHONJ episode opens with the ladies and their families prepping for their day a la Southern Charm’s formula. Teresa is sharing her very tiny wardrobe for the upcoming bodybuilding competition with daughters Audriana, Gabriella, and Gia. Audriana calls it like she sees it. The outfit is gross and is certainly going to go up her mom’s butt. Teresa shares that she was nervous to tell incarcerated husband Joe Guidice that she was participating in such an event due to his jealous tendencies. She’s relieved that he is not only supportive, but he hopes she wins. Realizing she can’t change her mother’s tiny-weeny-bikini choices, Audriana remembers the ol’ “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” mantra and models some seriously killer poses her mom should use on the catwalk.