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Dorit Kemsley

Kyle Richards

Lord this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is making me reach for the CBD oil faster than Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave can turn on a friend and spin on a bike!

It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsleybut alas Dorit  probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.

Denise Richards

Denise Richards has been such a breath of fresh air for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She comes across real, genuine, and having no desire to put on a facade. Plus, it’s nice to see that she’s as confused about the dog drama as we are! However, just because Denise is genuine and authentic doesn’t mean her fellow Housewives are.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills struggle with authenticity. First you have Camille Grammer who very clearly changed personalities between seasons 1 and 2. Brandi Glanville says that Kyle Richards acts one way with Lisa Vanderpump in her life, and another way when they are apart. Most of the cast says LVP is secretly manipulative. Finally, Lisa Rinna openly said she was turning into the “nicest f***ing Lisa Rinna”

Erika Jayne

Hey, you know what I’ve been wondering?  What Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ice princess extraordinaire, Erika Jayne’s, opinion is on Lisa Vanderpump. Ha! I almost managed that with a straight face.

And let me clarify I use the name ice princess because no way are you to the level of a queen, Erika.  Not even your $40,000 per month glam squad can make you interesting.

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave Talks About The Aftermath Of PuppyGate

Okay you guys, let’s join hands and take a deep, cleansing breath. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave is talking about the best thing that ever happened in her life #puppygate again. Because, of course, she is. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been paramount in this season’s main storyline, thanks to Dorit Kemsley. If it hadn’t been for Dorit’s incompetence in following directions, where would this season be?

As far as I’m concerned, Teddi should be sending Dorit flowers every single day, maybe the other ladies should too. No one wants to talk about anything but poor Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. You know, because then they might have to address the multiple lawsuits against their husbands. It’s easier to vilify mind control expert Lisa Vanderpump, who was grieving over the loss of her brother and holding down four restaurants. Alas, all good things must come to an end, and now we shall dive into the aftermath of hashtagpuppygate.

Lisa Vanderpump

Personally, I think the women of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should be fined every time they mention “puppygate”.  That dog has created a shit storm I would LOVE to find shelter from. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

That little dog has no idea how lucky it is to be out of Casa de Foreclosure aka Dorit Kemsley’s mansion.  And, ironically enough, the woman at the center of it all,  Lisa Vanderpump isn’t even watching the drama unfold.

Denise Richards & Aaron Phypers

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills episode Denise Richards got married under the paparazzi while Lisa Vanderpump got divorced from the rest of the cast over the paparazzi. You know, just another day in LA!

Of course, this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is about a dog while having nothing to do with a dog. It’s about so much more than that, obviously, but the prevailing thing is that I can’t rally behind the unraveling of something which attempts to paint Dorit Kemsley (who’s one step away from taking her phony accent and tacky clothes to debtors prison) as the victim. She’s not, no matter how many times Dorit asks, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall: whose the most victimized of them all?” Obviously, the mirror always answers Lucy, but Dorit routinely pretends not to hear things she doesn’t understand or like.

Denise Richards

Tonight Denise Richards marries Aaron Phypers on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and since they planned the wedding in like 10 days (or more specifically 48 hours) there’s obviously some drama!

The biggest drama being whether or not this wedding will actually ever happen. Denise is so late half the women leave — which was probably not what the producers wanted. They probably hopped all the downtown by the open bar would lead to plenty of hysterics and a revival of Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave whipping out text messages from a toddler to accuse Lisa Vanderpump of manipulation. Yes – still talking about Lucy In The Shelter With Microchips! (#BeatlesReference) 

Erika Girardi - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

At this point Lucy might be the most iconic dog on The Real Housewives of Beverly HillsSorry Giggy! The majority of the cast has turned on Lisa Vanderpump over this dog. Most of the ladies believe that she sought out to make Dorit Kemsley look bad. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave also has found herself in the middle of this mess as an alleged accomplice. However, she claims she only plotted because it’s what Lisa wanted.

One cast member not directly involved is Erika Jayne. Erika has had her issues with all three ladies over her four season run. She has always thought LVP was a sniper from the side making everyone do her dirty work. She fought with Dorit over underwear, and Teddi accused her of pretend amnesia. Give her past with that trio, it could be hard to tell whose side Erika is truly on. Luckily, she’s giving us a definitive stance on #PuppyGate!