This show … I just can’t get enough of Real Housewives Of New York! From Leah McSweeney instructing Tinsley Mortimer to go gangster – or “Cardi Llama” on Dorinda Medley; to Ramona Singer‘s condom situations, to the Russian baths with ginger vodka and Luann de Lesseps‘ bush coming back to haunt her. RHONY is the glimmer of unstoppable hope for Real Housewives everywhere. May you never change, no matter how far you stray uptown.
So on that note, Leah, Luann, and Tinsley are all sick after their day at the orchards. Well, I think we know where Coronavirus started! The Countesses’ cough. This is an unlikely trifecta for a brunch date, Luann is a surprisingly good foible for Leah and Tinsley. Also Luann looks phenomenal. She is literally aging backwards as she struts up to the table like someone told her the sidewalk was a cabaret stage. All the world’s a stage, darlings!
Tinsley is late, and when she arrives, she is distraught. Is Tinsley every any other way? Dale Mercer clearly didn’t warn Tinsley that her face would freeze this way, because it has.
Elyse Slaine is a bit of a mystery on this season of Real Housewives of New York City. She just showed up one day with very little explanation as to who she is or what she is doing there. She appears in almost every group scene with no mention as to who actually invited her. According to Elyse, that is because she was never meant to be on the show, she really did just show up one day to film with Ramona Singer. Production liked her and asked her to keep showing up. That explains why her introduction has been so awkward, but it still makes her come off as sort of creepy. She is mostly just there, silently staring in the background, kind of like some judgy Upper East Side Morticia Adams.
Anytime Elyse does speak, she talks very quietly and calmly, and almost always states the most rational opinion. It is as though she is doing her best to come across as the voice of reason. What she is really saying is, “Please do not think that I am crazy like these women, listen to how calm I am.” And she definitely seems like a smart, put-together woman. But just the fact that she has been friends with Ramona for years implies that there must be some cray cray going on behind her sleek facade. Now she is even claiming that she introduced OG cast members Jill Zarin and Bethenny Frankel.
According to Ramona Singer all the ladies on Real Housewives Of New York are going through a transition, and have found themselves single. Which is true. Before Dorinda Medley dumped John Mahdessian, she was the only woman on this show in a relationship. Unless you count Tinsley Mortimer dating “Bruce.”
Who does Tinsley think she’s fooling? Bruce was a made-up man to shut Dale Mercer up and hopefully make Scott Kluth jealous.
Anyway, it’s fall in New York and the weather is wonderful so all the ladies are meeting outside in various parks to take walks and gossip. If this were a RomCom they’d keep bumping into each other on random benches and eventually fall in love. But this is Real Housewives, so if they ran into each other on random benches they’d actually just find the other person talking shit about them to their other friends, then they’d fall into hate.
It was a little surprising to see Elyse Slaine do a confessional interview during the latest episode of Real Housewives of New York. Who even knew she was a cast member? We got no introduction to meeting her. Zero backstory. Truthfully, she just seemed like Ramona Singer’s level-headed plus one.
So, what happened? Were she and Leah McSweeney fighting for that full-time spot on the show? Apparently, not. According to Elyse she was never even supposed to be on the show. So, no, she did not get demoted. Instead, she claims that production just kept asking for more Elyse. Let’s let her explain the situation herself.
Oh, Real Housewives Of New York, you never fail to disappoint. Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well it’s you girl[s], and you should know it!
Love may not be all around, though, but the opposite of love and just as passionate, is hate which is aplenty! Especially when it comes to Dorinda Medley‘s passionate animosity towards Tinsley Mortimer. Seriously – whaaaaat? Hating Tinsley is like hating the lone sock floating around the laundry forever without a mate. Hating Tinsley is like resenting an earring back that doesn’t quite fit snugly to any of your earrings. Hating Tinsley is like going to Costco and getting stuck bad samples.
What I mean is that none of these things should generate strong enough feelings to reach the intensity of anger Dorinda has towards Tinsley. Because what Dorinda truly hates is that her life has gone on without Richard andis no longer the fairy tale it was.
I fucking love Real Housewives Of New York. I don’t even know what else to say. Like let’s just end this recap right now and watch it again.
Sonja Morgan is headed to fashion week which entails all the disasters you’d imagine will occur when Sonja Morgan attempts to do anything. She’s got models wearing toaster oven boxes. Oh, wait she doesn’t have models! She’s got 65 interns running around making a runway out of printer paper. She’s got Home Depot flowers arranged by colors in plastic solo cups which will also double as cocktails becuase she soaked the flowers in Sonja Sangria. That’s right – she has a sangria collection too.
She’s got Collection 21 there, but Sonja means it’s collection 50+, for gals who don’t age, but kinda do. Meaning mentally they stay 21 forever. (That’s what Sonja loves about these 20-something boys — she may get older, but they just stay the same age.) It’s the whole Sonja Shit-show complete with fashion editors sitting on paper towel pallets and eating cocktail wienies she cooked backstage with a flatiron in a Carmen San Diego hat she turned into a roasting pan. Then when it’s time for everyone to say goodbye Sonja strolls into the industrial kitchen, changes into a sweat suit and shoos them all out the door. Seriously – did this fashion show take place in a hotel basement?
Ain’t no party like a Real Housewives Of New York party! Especially when you mix Leah McSweeney with Sonja Morgan for the ultimate, super potent cocktail. COCK-tail being the operative word considering that a vibrator wound up in the chicken. Imagine the immersion blender capabilities…
It’s the morning after another party where Sonja got so trashed she screamed about shaving pussies in a $39.9 million dollar house. They all wake up to learn Luann de Lesseps fled in the middle of the night citing the horror of being shut into Ramona Singer‘s basement amid the fumes of dog pee and a spider infestation. Is it spider or spite-her? Luann thinks she was put down below on purpose to remind her of her place, but Ramona is probably just thoughtless and a terrible hostess.
They’re all taking a tour of said basement of supposed horrors when Luann calls Ramona to explain why she got so upset. Luann is feeling left out and has FOMO, simple as that. She’s already the outcast for not drinking, then she’s shunted into the basement, hidden away like a pox on fun.
The Real Housewives of New York City cast Hamptons trip continues tonight. Last week’s episode ended with Luann de Lesseps leaving Ramona Singer’s house with a long text message goodbye, explaining her dissatisfaction with her lodging in the basement, aka a “the lower level.”
This week, Ramona is doing what she can to make amends with the (self-proclaimed) queen of cabaret by laying on the compliments. And with a little bit of tennis, just like the old school Real Housewives of New York episodes.