Are Vanderpump Rules fans ready for the wedding of Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor? Of course, it took a while to get to this point. Jax cheated on Brittany. Brittany ultimately forgave him and saw that he was a changed man after the death of his father. So, when Jax got down on bended knee at Neptune’s Net in Malibu, Brittany was shocked. And fans were elated that the entire proposal was filmed so we could watch Jax sweating like he was in a sauna. And fumbling with the ring box in his pants.
Well Well Well. Someone has decided to try for another 15 minutes of fame again. I don’t know if you remember former Vanderpump Rules hanger on Faith Stowers. She was the one who thought hooking up with Jax Taylor would get her more air time.
Well, Brittany Cartwright and Jax are “happily” engaged, and planning their wedding. And I haven’t seen any sign of Faith since. So what’s an attention seeker supposed to do? I guess go after Lisa Vanderpump and interject herself into the drama swirling around puppygate.
The Vanderpump Rules staff should write the playbook on bad decision making. Just this season, James Kennedy got fired from SUR for body shaming Katie Maloney.Then, Stassi Schroeder had another birthday meltdown and texted her boyfriend Beau Clark 70 times. Ariana Madix crossed over to the dark side and joined the witches of WeHo (aka Stassi, Katie, and Kristen Doute). And then there’s Scheana Marie, who proudly displayed fifty pairs of the same sunglasses in her new apartment. At least get different colored frames, Scheana!
Even though Lisa Vanderpump was Andy Cohen’s only guest on Watch What Happens Live, it felt like she had company. Vanderpump Rules cast member Kristen Doute chimed in with her own commentary via tweet. Next time, Andy should invite both of them to the Bravo clubhouse to hash out their differences. That would be some good TV.
Lisa did her best to explain why she has sympathy for James Kennedy, Kristen’s (latest) mortal enemy. Kristen wasn’t having it, even while she was watching from her couch at home. She couldn’t resist tweeting some retorts. And, of course, Andy read her posts during the episode.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules we learned that James Kennedy was a very busy boy at Coachella. He managed to ruin his friendship with Lala Kent and cheat on his girlfriend while she was passed out in the next room. Where have we heard that before!?
This is obviously going to be the season of James. So far, he’s the only thing anyone seems to be talking about. So he’s probably correct that everyone is obsessed with him. Congratulations on achieving your ultimate goal, White Kanye!
Only in the SURallel universe that is Vanderpump Rules would your ex-girlfriend, who you cheated on, be orchestrating your surprise engagement party with the girlfriend, now fiance, whom you also cheated on. But here we all are and Lisa Vanderpump is the guest of honor, instead of Britnax’d.
Lisa probably wandered into Jax Taylor‘s apartment and marveled that her own bathroom is bigger than the entire place. Then she decided the ring he gave Brittany Cartwright is obviously cubic zirconium from the Alexis Couture Jesus Barbie Bling Collection sold by Gretchen Christine Bootay. Because no one would spend $70k on a ring while living in a place that has parquet floors. Quelle Whorreur!
This season of Vanderpump Rules is opening on some strange notes, like the freestyle rappings of James Kennedy, and the scent of death and sadness mixed with the sticky spills of rose, goat cheese, and Jax Taylor‘s attempts to impersonate how he thinks a decent man should behave (tampon shopping!)
Immediately it becomes apparent that this will be another season of everyone villainzing James while pretending Jax is a new man as they plan his wedding to Brittany Cartwright. Forgiving Jax and hating James are literally the only subjects this show has anymore. And James, like the little whack-a-mole he is, will come back for hit after hit, cause he’s the White Kanye Baby and hits is what they do!
Far less frivolous are Lisa Vanderpump and Lala Kent dealing with painful losses in their lives. Lala’s father passed away from a stroke 2 months earlier, and she has inherited his mantra to be kind. Even to sketchy people. (Lest their names be James.) Lisa is mourning the loss of her brother, her only sibling, who committed suicide 5 weeks before filming started. Wow – that’s so devastating.
Bravo is giving out Christmas and Hanukkah gifts early this year because TONIGHT is the season premiere of Vanderpump Rules Season 7. Bring on the pasta – which is what it’s all about, right? Anyway, before we dive into a new season of super dramas, let’s revisit all the chaos from last season.
Without a doubt the three (or maybe four or possibly even 5) biggest dramas from last season were: Jax Taylor cheating on Brittany Cartwright, James Kennedy and Lala Kent ending their friendship accord over pasta (and Though Who Shall Not Be Called Anything Less Than Perfect, Randall Emmett), and Tom 1 & Tom 2 finally growing up to become bar owners with the opening of Tom Tom. Of course in between all that there were accusations that James cheated on Raquel Leviss with both his BFF Logan Noh and possibly Kristen Doute. Then there was Stassi Schroeder finally revealing PATRICK to the world… We wish she’d kept that shit covered. And of course, Scheana Marie had her Super ROB, ROB, ROB, ROB… This is the song that never ends.
SO let’s dive in.
As always, I think the Secrets Revealed episodes are better than most of what we’ve seen throughout season. And Vanderpump Rules was no exception!
Jax Taylor is totally having a pre-midlife crisis. He’s too old for a quarter-life crisis (let’s be honest, no one expects him to live to be 120 years old) and technically he’s too young for a mid-life crisis, so he’s in a 2/3 life crisis, which means having 400 birthday parties dedicated to doing things kids should do. Like the trampoline park where Tom 1 suggests they play dodgeball on teams of Jax plus all the women he’s slept with, vs. Tom and all the people Jax hasn’t slept with! Bouncing boobs of many incarnations (Jax being the biggest boob of all).
Actually, it was the season of Jax, and, it was totally too much Jax (his shenanigans have overstayed their welcome), but here we go again! At least for the last time.