There are lessons to be learned from Tiger King and the brief explosive reign of Joe Exotic. Live by the code of the jungle, metaphorically die by it too. In the series finale Joe goes down for orchestrating a murder for hire plot to once and for all stop Carole Baskin from stealing his zoo. The zoo Joe does not in fact even own anymore.
Joe caged wild animals and took away their freedoms and finds himself in a cage after being nabbed by the FEDS on what appears to be some trumped up charges. Working behind his back to seize the zoo was a collection of barely contained beasts: Carole Fucking Baskin, Jeff Lowe, and Joe’s former friend “businessman,” James Garretson.
There is no more humanity left in Joe Exotic, as he is completely ruled by his animal instincts to self-preserve.
The fifth episode of Tiger King serves as a lesson that nothing good comes from too much crazy in one place. Not only did some of this behavior seem normalized, but it was also was encouraged. Joe Exotic dives into politics, while suffering personal tragedy. The dynamics of the park also begin to change.
Jeff Lowe has managed to bamboozle Joe into giving him ownership of his zoo. With new management, major changes begin to take place. Jeff immediately fires half of the staff and insults them on their way out of the door. One of the most significant changes is the entrance of his associate, Allen Glover, who was hired as a handy man for the zoo. This won’t seem significant this episode, but just keep Allen’s name in the back of your mind.
Hey there cool cats and kittens, Mary here to describe to you in great furry detail how totally fucked up and deranged Tiger King is.
First things first, we can all agree that Carole Baskin made minced tiger food, all organic (unless Don Lewis smoked) out of hubby no 2. Howard Baskin, who is hubby no 3, better stay tightly tethered to her pussy patrol — or else. Accidents around big cats are a regular thing. Just ask Joe Exotic who was trying to film a very enlightening reality show about living on the edge of nature.
Before Joe decided to run for president, he was trying to become a reality star. Joe running for president is only marginally less bizarre than Donald Trump running for president. As far as exotic, one has tigers and gay/straight husbands who are only using him for his
tigers money. The other has gold toilets and wives who are only using him for his money. Both have thrones. Although Joe’s is in the middle of an Oklahoma mud pit surrounded by chain link cages. Joe has Carole; Donald has Hillary. And Joe is ready to take on the world! The episode opens with his ‘hit’ country single “Bring It On” — one of his many odes to despising Carole. Fucking. Baskin.
To quote the immortal N’Sync, whose reputation is sullied by an unfortunate association with Vanderpump Rules, “I know that I can’t take no more, It ain’t no lie, I want to see you out that door, Baby bye bye bye.” And yes, I have had enough!
More than enough of Bravo claiming to support human rights and equality, yet, at every turn employing people who are misogynistic, racist, bigoted, and homophobic. I’ve certainly had enough of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright. I’ve never cared about their love. Which seemed about as deep and stable as a damp cardboard box that Amazon left on your porch while you were crashing at your Tinder hookup’s place (basically Scheana Marie‘s version of marriage).
I’ve never had any interest in their greasy, fishy proposal. Or their Pinterest FAILED IT wedding planning. I can’t with Brittany’s increasingly amped up southern drawl and raspy cackle, or the way she douses herself in tequila like it really can kill off STDs (or kill off the lurking knowledge that her marriage to Jax is fake, and that he will always and forever cheat).
Last night Vanderpump Rules celebrated the annual SUR rite of passage: PRIDE!
In order to survive in this alternate universe known as Lisa Vanderpump Land, which at this point is indistinguishable from Lisa Frank Land (and one will equally find themselves trapperkeeper’d), one must dress up in rainbow paraphernalia, endure hours of Scheana Marie warbling “Solid Gold” on repeat, and have a hysterical selfish meltdown about their heterosexual relationships while ostensibly celebrating gay rights. This time, for the second year in a row, that prideful accomplishment goes to James Kennedy.
That’s right, bitches, the White Kanye is back and he came to lead his flock in verse and song of rage. And proving that James is here to resuscitate Vanderpump Rules he was even wearing a “Life Guard” man-tank with matching visor, like something out of a Ken Doll box.
During last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder continued to give Kristen Doute a hard time about her strange relationship with Carter. In response, Kristen went below the belt when she made a comment about “Tom Schwartz f*cking around for years” during his relationship with Katie.
That dinner discussion didn’t end at the restaurant though. When the cast got to the club, Katie told Schwartz that Kristen was “cut” from the group and she told him what Kristen said about him cheating on Katie. So many reasons to cringe, all around.
Kristen Doute was virtually invisible during Vanderpump Rules Season 7. Well, except for when she was plotting to take down her ex James Kennedy and when she fell on a table after a wine tasting. She tweeted a couple times about how she wasn’t getting a lot of screentime and “liked” comments from fans that echoed those sentiments.
The grass ain’t always greener on the other side, is it? Now, fastforward to Vanderpump Rules Season 8 and everybody is talking about Kristen. Most notably, she is at odds with her ex-best friends Stassi Schroeder and Katie Maloney. Kristen even (seemingly) messed with Brittany Cartwright’s feelings during a recent episode. Brittany was living her best life at Miami club…. until Kristen persuaded her to be upset that a bottle service girl was holding a sign that said “Don’t do it, Brittany,” which is a sign they hold during every. single. bachelorette. party.
When Vanderpump Rules first catapulted into the Bravo lexicon the appeal was that was its off the cuff and unpredictable cast members whose earnestly dysfunctional relationships anchored the show, and served as a highlight to all the other nonsense.
There was a magic in its untested authenticity that was like the early seasons of Real World or Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Before these people realized they were going to become a phenomenon just for showing up. But alas it is now not the case. Lisa Vanderpump has now assumed the role of part Svengali/part David Copperfield; trying to make magic out of thin air and airheads.
It’s not working.