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Jack Stirrup

Below Deck Mediterranean Joao Franco Captain Sandy Yawn

Tonight we say goodbye to Below Deck Mediterranean. Since there is no reunion for season 4 this is likely the last time we’ll ever see this crew on our TV!

I have my predictions about who will be returning next season (a Mila/June redemption tour, anyone?!) and whose ship has sailed off into the sunset (Colin Macy-O’Toole). But, overall I’ve enjoyed this season and have a real soft spot for this cast! 

Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

It’s the final charter of the charter season which means we’re almost at the end of the rope for Below Deck Mediterranean. The last charter is a bunch of financial guys from New Jersey or Cali or someplace that breeds tools like it does venereal disease and inflation.

The primary is actually named Randy Madrid. Which is a name no one actually has. It’s a stripper name.  Or what somebody changes their name to when escaping their criminal past or trailer park childhood. Basically, I expect Season 2 of Dirty John to be about someone named “Randy Mardid” who has 6 fake passports and a couple of baby mamas down in Idaho and Louisiana, and drives a mysterious Lamborghini to his computer job in the McDonald’s lobby. Which coincidentally is also where Colin Macy-O’Toole takes his dates.

Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

On tonight’s Below Deck Mediterranean the final charter guests board the Sirocco for a lovely adventure of fun, sun, and relaxation. Well, that’s what’s supposed to happen anyway…

The last charter means that we’re almost at the end of this momentous season of Below Deck Med. And since there won’t be a reunion (WHY? Did Bravo ever offer a reason? I have my theories…) it looks like next week is actually the finale. 

Joao Franco Below Deck Mediterranean

Can you believe we are coming to the end of the Below Deck Mediterranean charter season? What a season it has been! Not only have we been treated to the beautiful vistas of the South of France, we have been treated to some beautiful drama from the crew and the guests.

Last season, chief stew Hannah Ferrier was the Queen of Boat Drama, mooning over bosun Conrad Empson. Hannah was freqeuntly derelict in her job duties, taking smoke breaks galore–and even took to her bed for a day with a bad case of Mediterranean Love Sickness. Try that with your boss and see what happens! This season, Hannah has seemed more committed to her job, boldly announcing at the start of the season, “I feel like this charter season my job is my number one priority.” Do Hannah’s crewmates think she has lived up to her lofty new employee performance goal?

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: The White Gloves Are Off

Not a day goes by on Below Deck Mediterranean without kitchen issues, bad weather and Captain Sandy Yawn throwing a “Sandtrum” – aka, a Sandy tantrum – about something, then getting over it 2 seconds later to direct her wrath at someone else.

Sandy has 2 speeds: hugs and snugs – I love you like bananas, ice cream, and motor yacht docking –  or screams and yells. After a season of flying under the radar, Joao Franco and Hannah Ferrier both finally found themselves in Sandy’s crosshairs. Meanwhile, Travis Michalzik got all the love a Sandy can offer. You know it’s the end of the season when the chief stew and the bosun are in trouble!

High winds are rocking the Mediterranean as fall approaches, which is why it’s a bad idea to book your motor yacht vacation during discount season – especially if you’re prone to seasickness as guest Deana is. She’s literally crawling on the floor, moaning like her entrails are being ripped out. Hannah escorts her upstairs and gently rubs the inside of her wrists to help regain equilibrium. It’s not quite a taint, but Hannah jokes that she assumed her hand job days are over. Are they ever? Especially if one hopes to net a 65-year-old millionaire!

.Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

As the charter season comes to an end on Below Deck Mediterranean tensions are high as fatigue and apathy sets in, causing Captain Sandy Yawn to yell at Hannah Ferrier for being lazy.

Hannah has spent all season bragging about her dream team of stews, whom she gets along with so well. Unfortunately, Hannah is doing too much of being a friend and not enough being a leader.

Captain Sandy has noticed the quality slipping. Especially compared to the lengths chef Ben Robinson is going to impress the guests at their White Party final supper. 

Below Deck Mediterranean Travis Michalzik

The latest group of charter guests to booze cruise through the Med shamelessly ogled the deck crew.  The sexual comments and liquor kept flowing with these ladies on Below Deck Mediterranean.  Captain Sandy Yawn even had to rescue Jack Stirrup from a herd of thirsty ladies that infiltrated the bridge.  Whether Jack wanted assistance or not is another story.

Travis Michalzik set his sights on one charter guest that he nicknamed “Blondie,” aka Natalie.  When the group departed, Travis slipped Blondie a piece of paper.  If Natalie had seen Travis after an off night, passed out and reeking of alcohol, we could guess what happened to that piece of paper.  But since Travis was his polished and charming self at the time, it does raise the question; did Natalie ever contact Travis?

Below Deck Mediterranean Travis Michalzik

In the last dregs of the summer season, the Sirocco continues to slowly circle France and Below Deck Mediterranean chugs on.

I couldn’t even be bothered to remember the names of the charter guests. I’ll just call them “Alcohol Now,” which is the t-shirt the primary was wearing when he boarded the boat. The primaries own some sort of luxury puppy palace. So, explain to me, again, how that makes you rich? Even if your only clients are Lisa Vanderpump and Kameron Westcott things aren’t adding up. But here they are and here we are, watching it all unfold; boringly. I assume the one woman who is allergic to everything under the sun (except alcohol and silicone – clearly) is going to have some sort of attack after accidentally consuming something Ben Robinson accidentally served her.

Either because the specialty plate went to the wrong person when one of the stews (you know it will be Anastasia Surmava) was distracted, or because Ben was so anxious about the burners and the size of the galley that he misread the preference sheet again and prepared something she cannot eat. Anyway the episode ends with this woman literally crawling out of her cabin and collapsing on the floor. Exciting to say the least (to be fair they were sailing through a squall).