Jack Stirrup

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the cracks started to show with an overworked crew and an under qualified chef!

The episode opened with June Foster literally fleeing the dinner table to puke in a trashcan. I thought Bravo was setting us up for some enormous reveal. June is pregnant! Hannah Ferrier fed her a bad oyster! Jackie Seigel‘s ring had poison in it (and who tried to poison Jackie!?)! June had an allergic reaction to spray tan! The thought of dating Colin Macy-O’Toole made June gag.

But re: June and Colin getting together. Have you ever seen two such American smiles? They both have a full set of gator chompers. Teeth so white and straight and perfectly stylized by precision American orthodonistry that a full set of false teeth would just pop out of June’s uterus. 

I can’t figure out who is crazier on Below Deck Mediterranean: new third stew June Foster or billionaire charter guest Jackie Siegel. These two are two urchins in a reef who live in their own worlds – it’s probably better that they stay there instead of permeating ours.

The trek to picnic at Eze continues. Up a mountain, down a mountain, up a mountain, down a mountain, up an inflatable slide, down an inflatable… Oh wait, haha! That’s only for half the crew! The rest of the crew is on a particularly odious Amazing Race challenge featuring deck chairs and how many can be carried at once without a leg being broken (the chair’s or the human’s – doesn’t matter!).

Joao Franco and the rest of the team at Eze finally get everything to the top (with Jackie is whining for food like a petulant child) that there’s no cutlery and no one is answering the radio because Captain Sandy Yawn has them all frolicking in the water under the auspice of crew training. Or producers just wanted another opportunity to showcase Anastasia Surmava in a thong bikini.

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a delight, let me tell you! When the Queen of Versailles comes on board everything must be top notch. Let the commoners eat leftover cake. Literally.

Sirocco is a ship of change and fools. The number one fool being Joao Franco who could only keep his dark side hidden for so long. All those tears he cried to Captain Sandy Yawn about being a changed man were swiftly undone by a few errant shots of vodka. Jezabob returns and comes out swinging! YUCK.

First Joao starts with Anastasia Surmava. In Joao’s esteemed opinion beacuse Anastasia is not a 7-star chef she had no business accepting the promotion. OK, exactly what is a 7-star chef and what type of professional of this caliber would be working on a reality TV charter yacht for people like Jackie Siegel? [Crickets]