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Jorge and Anfisa

90 Day Fiance recap

Chantel and Pedro finally came clean on last night’s 90 Day Fiance. And it went as well as expected…which is to say, not well at all. Meanwhile, Nicole is still playing out her Arabian Nights fantasy with Azan in the deserts of Morocco, but the physical exertion of a single outing on foot is enough to make her pine for the days when she could merely sit on her couch and Skype with Azan from afar.

As for Anfisa and Jorge, they’re still in deep negotiations about the terms and conditions of Anfisa’s stay in the U.S. By the way, Anfisa thinks she can be a model! Jorge of course perpetuates this delusion, hoping that she’ll rake in her own dough so he can stop pretending he has any. Although he draws the line at “distasteful” photos (read: topless). As for the other couples: They are still a depressing mess. (TLC, where do you FIND these people?!?!?)

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90 Day Fiance Couple Jorge And Anfisa

TLC’s juggernaut of a reality TV series, 90 Day Fiance, is the beautiful gift that keeps on giving. (If by beautiful gift, we mean horrific, bloody, no-survivors trainwreck.) And one of the ill-fated couples that has everyone scratching their heads this season comes in the form of Jorge, a “legal” marijuana distributor in LA, and Anfisa, his Russian mail order bride fiance.

Anfisa has become somewhat of a reality TV anomaly, in that she is NOT playing any head games with the so-called love of her life. Her demands for a $10K monthly allowance and a $45K wedding gown – not to mention the $70K Jorge has already spent on her – are clear, concise, and served up straight. As for Jorge, he seems up for the frank negotiation, if it includes making Anfisa his wife at the end of their 90-day K1 Visa term, which dictates that a couple must marry lest the foreign-born partner be returned to their homeland.

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90 Day Fiance recap

On this season of 90 Day Fiance, it’s come down to this: Who can save themselves, and who cannot. Whereas in seasons past, we’ve seen a pretty balanced mix of true love stories (remember Amy and Danny?) and totally deranged psychopaths trapping young wives into servitude (hello, Mark and Nikki!), this season seems to be offering up one big ole’ sloppy mess of singles who travel the globe with the express purpose of making bad decisions.

Case in point: Nicole and Azan, who are still in Morocco “getting to know” one another. This week, this task involves camels. And physical exertion. Two things Nicole is decidedly not a fan of!

Before we get to recapping last night’s episode, it’s worth mentioning that 90 DF spoilers have been popping up all over the place this week about who makes it down the aisle and who calls it quits. Like all spoilers, they aren’t 100% accurate, as they’re mostly based on social media posts and viewer conjecture. However, if they are even partially true, some of these people actually come to their senses and get out of their doomed engagements. Maybe all hope is not lost for these confused souls!

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90 Day Fiance recap

Last night we finally met TLC’s fifth couple on this season’s 90 Day Fiance and – lest we get too overly excited that this might be the one normal couple on this trainwreck of a show – we find out they are also a total and complete mess!

Narkyia and Olulowo (called “Lowo”) met when Lowo catfished Narkyia, lying to her about his whereabouts, having a dead baby-mama, and being a Nigerian prince. You know, the usual for internet scum. But she decided to marry his lying arse anyway. Oh, and Nicole and Azan have their first big fight! Shocker.

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90 Day Fiance recap

On last night’s 90 Day Fiance, people tried to act normal in front of their fiances’ families. Alas, they did not accomplish this goal. Whether it was Anfisa halfheartedly trying to persuade Jorge‘s sister that she is truly in this relationship for “love” (HA!) or the hapless Nicole hanging all over Azan while she broke bread with his family, these TLC fiances are officially A MESS.

It’s interesting that the families of the engaged couples seem to understand this point in under a minute flat, yet the fiances themselves march onward in their happy delusions like zombies march toward the smell of fresh brains. Speaking of brains, Nicole needs to snatch one up right quick before Azan calls the Moroccan police on her himself – which he looked a millisecond away from doing after she brought up some “mistakes from her past.” And nobody would blame him for doing so.

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Nicole-Crying-2-90-Day-Fiance

Last night’s 90 Day Fiance took us across the globe to Morocco, where Nicole and Azan are finding out the unexpected places internet “dating” can lead – like deserts, no hand holding, and jail. Also, Anfisa laid down the law for Jorge, who has to decide if there can be romance without finance. (Psssst, Jorge: The short answer with this chick is NO, or rather, NYET!) 

In Morocco, Nicole is trying her best to pretend that Azan is in love with her. This is the first time the couple has met in person, so sh*t just got real! Nicole is staying at a local hotel for 5 weeks, but she’ll have to play by the rules. According to the Muslim tradition in Azan’s culture, there can be no public displays of affection, but Nicole tries her best to maul Azan in the privacy the hotel courtyard. She even sneaks in a smooch, which makes Azan look like he is going to faint. Not in the good way. 

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90 Day Fiance Season Premiere Recap

It has been nearly a year since we last traveled the road with love-struck Americans and their overseas fiances for the 90-day journey that, in my opinion, turns into one of THE best reality television shows out there. Yes, folks, 90-Day Fiance is back for season 4 on TLC, and last night’s multi-episode premiere started off what looks to be an epic season filled with true love, super sketchy fiances, and – wait for it – Danielle and Mohammed updates from season 2!!! (We won’t be recapping the past season update, but feel free to comment below. 🙂 )

In case we missed the antics of that totally tragic couple, we’re presented with Danielle and Mohammed 2.0 this season in the “love affair” of Nicole and Azan. I swear, TLC combed the planet just to find these two. I guess we can offer thanks that there won’t be a Mark and Nikki 2.0 joining us for another American Horror Story installment since Mark has probably already buried her body in his  basement. #SmallVictories But, before we look back, let’s see who’s on the docket to get hitched this season! 

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