Last night on Vanderpump Rules we celebrated the re-wedding of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney. Although the relationship continuation of these two toxic assholes is definitely not something anyone should be celebrating, I have to acknowledge that it was the most perfect wedding this show has ever had.
TomKatastrophe 2.0 totally encapsulated the cluster-fucky spirit of what we initially loved about Vanderpump Rules: real friends, down on their luck, but somehow pulling it together and making the most of it. Of course, there were two notable absences to this momentous event: Scheana Marie and Kristen Doute.
Scheana was off getting her eggs retrieved. No, she wasn’t at Whole Foods buying a half dozen in order to chat up the hot 20 year old in the dairy department who is just like her BEST. FRIEND. She just bought him a Roomba after they made eyes when she dropped a carton of skim milk, so now they’re like totally moving from the crush stage to the instagram stories official phase. To Scheana BFF stands for Best Fuck Friend. Scheana’s problem is that her brain is 13 but her biological clock is 34.
Most of the Vanderpump Rules cast members head to Las Vegas tonight for Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz’s wedding redo. It’s not all wedding bliss though. Schwartz finds a bra in his bag and it’s not Katie’s. Is something scandalous going on? Probably not, but there’s bound to be drama anyway.
Of course, Kristen Doute is flipping out back in West Hollywood because she was excluded. Again. Even Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd make the trip. Naturally, Lisa also uses the trip as an opportunity to publicize the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden.
For the past few seasons, it’s been tough for Vanderpump Rules viewers to sympathize with Katie Maloney. However, on tonight’s episode, her own husband, Tom Schwartz, really crosses a line. He talks down to her and humiliates her in front of the entire cast. And, oh yeah, the Vanderpump Rules viewers. Usually, the fans side with Schwartz just because he normally has such a lovable disposition. But, it will be very interesting to see how the Pump Rules fans feel after tonight’s episode. #TeamKatie on this one. This one time.
In other news, the cast gets together to celebrate Jax Taylor’s 40th birthday. Yeah, I know that we celebrate his birthday during every season of this show, but we also focused on his wedding for the first half of this current season. Can we get a break from the Jax-centered celebrations? Please. There are 13,000 other cast members on this show.
We are finally done with Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding, way too many episodes later. Especially when there are thousands of cast members on Vanderpump Rules.
We will finally be put out of our misery tonight! We finally get to see Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright get married on Vanderpump Rules tonight! This whole season has been leading up to this wedding and it’s finally here. Praise Mamaw.
Of course, their wedding will have some drama. Kristen Doute and her non-boyfriend [Brian] Carter get into a heated exchange at the reception and most likely end up hooking up after anyway. Stassi Schroeder starts to wonder if she and Beau Clark will ever get engaged. Spoiler alert: they will.
There are lots of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills viewers holding out hope that Lisa Vanderpump will return to the series. In my opinion, she cannot return on her own. She needs to come back with some very loyal cast members by her side.
Aside from LVP’s fans and her husband Ken Todd, there is no one more loyal to her than the Vanderpump Rules crew, except for Kristen Doute. And you know what, they’re not as young as they used to be. Referring to them as the “Vanderpump Rules kids” isn’t gonna make sense sooner rather than later. Many of them are getting married and planning to start a family. They’re starting empires of their own. In other words, they’re building up the perfect resumés to become Real Housewives. This possibility is something that both Lala Kent and Stassi Schroeder discussed in recent interviews. Just imagine Lisa going toe to toe with Erika Jayne with Lala backing her up. It would make for some very interesting TV.
Vanderpump Rules fans and West Hollywood residents know that Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd own a bar called Tom Tom, which was named in honor of Vanderpump Rules cast members Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz. The two Toms also own a small percentage of the bar.
Aside from Tom Tom, Schwartz and Sandoval recently announced their plans to open up another establishment, a “dive bar” in California. In December, Sandoval and his longtime girlfriend, Ariana Madix, released their first book together, Fancy AF Cocktails, a book full of drink recipes (that you can purchase by clicking here) along with some personal stories thrown in. Recently, the reality star shared another business venture he hopes to take on.